Basically what the title states. I (20 y/o M) have been getting intrusive thoughts about cheating on my girlfriend (19 y/o F).
We were friends first for almost 2 years, then we got together and have been in a relationship for 11 months now. We always talk about the future and recently started talking about moving in together really soon. Our relationship has its flaws, but it of course has its good side as well, however sometimes I feel like the flaws of the relationship are more prominent than the good aspects.
Recently in the past month or two I’ve been having a lot of dreams of us being split up, or her cheating on me, most of which my grandmother (who has passed away and I was very close with) appears in the dream at some point. That tells me it’s a possible sign from her, but I’m not religious or anything like that so idk what to think of it.
Now even more recently like in the past 2 ish weeks, whenever I drink with buddies or dream at night, I think about cheating on my girlfriend. Now let me note that I’m loyal to a fault and would never hurt her like that, but (NSFW Warning) the thought of it would sometimes turn me on. I’d also enjoy the thought of being single and going after other girls for a bit, or finding someone who’s a lot more compatible with my personality.
She tries for me, and I try for her, our personalities are quite different but we try to accommodate for eachother’s needs. I’m not at all sure what to do about these feelings or how to take these dreams or possible signs from my deceased grandmother.
A second thought is what if I do follow these feelings, and I can’t find another girl that was as committed, loyal and good as her. Or what if we can’t go back to being good friends (which I feel would be the healthier choice for us both). So a bit of fear is involved as well.
Sorry it took to the 3rd paragraph to start my main point, every detail I’ve stated I felt was necessary enough for proper context. If anyone replies and is using my text for a point, please state any and all paragraphs you’re referring to (1, 2, 3, etc), to help your point be more clear.
TL;DR: I keep having thoughts of cheating on my GF of 11 months even thoigh I’m very loyal, thinking it may be because of our differences in personalities and needs. May also be because she’s the only person who I’ve ever had sex with.