I’ve been really negative for a long time. It mostly stems from self loathing and isolation. I suppose the two have made each other worse. Lately I’ve been reflecting on things, and I believe a more positive mindset would help with all of my problems. What are some things I can do to be more positive? I’m starting to diet again, and I think that will help with some confidence issues. I know that confidence will be impossible without a positive mindset, so any advice will be appreciated. I’m 28m if that matters.
TL;DR,
How can I be more positive?
9 comments
In middle school, my science teacher had a glass of water that was filled half way. He asked us how much water was in the glass. Most of us answered with half full or half empty. He said we could look at life the same way. Having a glass is half full mindset is a more positive outlook. Looking at the positives in many situations and not just the negatives.
What has helped me look into growth mindset vs fixed mindset and try doing affirmations. For me to be positive I had to fall in love with myself again.
Duality has set a trap for you, one which you don’t have to get stuck in. If you try to flip from one end of the pole to the other, it takes maximum effort, but you still end up imbalanced.
When you stop to realize that there is more than just positive and negative, these are actually just descriptors that represent opposite ends of a spectrum. Its just one spectrum though. A spectrum that has an infinite amount of points between the extremes of positive and negative.
You don’t need to flip the switch all the way positive, cause of you do, eventually you will just end up needing to flip it back to negative when you realize that being overly positive backfires as often as being overly negative.
So the goal isn’t to go for either of the extremes, but rather find a nice spot somewhere in the middle that allows you to see your experience with a realistic perspective that acknowledges that there are positive and negative aspects to everything. This clarity will be more rewarding and utilitarian than just becoming positive.
Also with this in mind, you don’t even need to push too hard all at one time, just keep nudging yourself towards positive, balancing your perspectives, until eventually you feel you have nudged far enough and have found your balance, or maybe you nudged a bit too far, and you need to nudge back in the other direction.
I used to do this as well – and not going to lie – it’s hard to overcome.. I find myself needing to take a breather after a while and put my mind on something else – come back to it and think about things from a different perspective… I know for me a quote (I know some people hate quotes – so if you do I am sorry) is “You can’t connect the dot’s looking forward – you can only connect the dots looking back”.. This came true when a year ago my heart horse died due to a rare issue and I hated myself for not catching it on time and I was sad and I couldn’t get over it – but I didn’t have any other horse to ride in the mean time so I trained a horse I was terrified of who is now one of my best horses.. So the conclusion is maybe something isn’t looking perfect right now – but things might make more sense in the future… I hope this helps, if not sorry. I was trying to think of different advice than other people will give!
If you have the time do charity work. It gave me a sense of accomplishment that I couldn’t take away with self loathing. Also just good to be around nice people but that’s because I have social anxiety too.
Search up “gratitude hypnosis” on YouTube
Sounds like there’s an underlying cause of your low self-worth / self-esteem?
Reading books to understand how psychology works and how the mind works really helped me. “Master Your Emotions”, “The Chimp Paradox” and “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck” are all pretty good.
Daily affirmations and / or meditations might help too.
Also, the 16 to 20 feet of your digestive system plays a key role in regulating your mood. You can literally eat yourself happy if you have the willpower to stick to a strict diet.
Chapter 17 of “I Don’t Have a Bucket List but My F*ck-it List is a Mile Long” kick-started my journey into eating myself happy. It wasn’t written as a self help book and it was largely written for women but, I really enjoyed it anyway.
Towards the end of my journey I also discovered a book called “What if There Is Nothing Wrong With You” by Susan Munich Henkels after watching a TED talk by the author on YouTube.
A good friend also recommended “Reinventing Your Life” by Jeffrey Young. I haven’t started reading this yet though.
Dear friend, I believe that in order to become more positive you must surround yourself with kind and positive people. Life is too short to surround yourself with toxic people. With the right people around you change for the better and acquire a positive mindset.
Just disassociate and become delusional