My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and we are planning on getting engaged soon. Despite us being together for a long time, a lot of my friends have not met my boyfriend in person. Once I turned 18, I spread my wings and basically didn’t come home after that. So a lot of my friendships with my high school friends have been sustained over text, snapchats, phone calls, and zoom rather than in person.
Recently one of my friends met my boyfriend in person for the first time and it didn’t go well. She basically hated him. He has a very dry, sarcastic sense of humor (which I love) and basically every time he spoke she looked super offended. So after he realized she didn’t like him, he basically stopped talking and she hated him for that too. She made it clear that she didn’t approve of him. And I suspect that if she doesn’t like him in person neither will any of my other friends in that group.
It’s so frustrating because all of his friends love me and I can easily hang out with any of them (both on my own and with him present). I wish my friends could have a similar friendship with my boyfriend. But obviously I’m not planning on breaking up with him because of them but how do you bridge the gap between your boyfriend and friends?
29 comments
He’s a jerk. Red flags.
Exposure and time helps these things a lot. Naturally your boyfriend was probably a little nervous to meet your friends as well, which might have effected it. Were the jokes he made actually inappropriate, or was your friend just looking for trouble? Seems a bit presumptuous to assume your other friends won’t like him too!
Anyway, if your boyfriend didn’t do anything wrong and they are being like this, you gotta stand up and defend your dude.
What are some of the things your boyfriend said to her??
I don’t like my friends husband but I told her as long as he makes her happy I will refrain from talking smack. I also had to be told she would like to vent about her husband without me looking like I want to punch him in the face. So any good friend will put aside their personal distaste to maintain the friendship. But as a side note if ALL your friends don’t like him, that’s a red flag. I told my friend “your beastie and your mom don’t like him, could we both be wrong?” She said yes we are both wrong and went through with it but I would implore you to use the same logic.
I don’t like my friends husband but I told her as long as he makes her happy I will refrain from talking smack. I also had to be told she would like to vent about her husband without me looking like I want to punch him in the face. So any good friend will put aside their personal distaste to maintain the friendship. But as a side note if ALL your friends don’t like him, that’s a red flag. I told my friend “your beastie and your mom don’t like him, could we both be wrong?” She said yes we are both wrong and went through with it but I would implore you to use the same logic.
Honestly I just wouldn’t bother, you don’t HAVE to bridge the gap between the two. You can spend time with your boyfriend, and then spend time with your friends separately. Ultimately you can’t force them to like him. He made a bad impression, and that’s unfortunate, but that’s that. Not everyone is going to get on with everyone, even if you do. He doesn’t sound awful or abusive or anything, so I agree you don’t need to break up over this, just accept that your friends don’t like him.
So your friend whom you didn’t see for years (who probably stayed in the same city they were born in and didn’t do anything life changing) met you and couldn’t be decent towards your established boyfriend you seem to have a great relationship with?
Thats the guy whos gonna have jokes when hes in 50s about the teenage neighboor, weel just dry and sarcastic
As a very dry, sarcastic person, I’ve learned I need to tone it down when I first get to know people. It can be very off putting
I think your friend is immature and your boyfriend is more mature than her
Don’t mix friends with lovers – he is with you because he likes you not your friends the same goes for your friend hanging with you – don’t let them get in the way of eachother make time for both simple
Just because one of your friends doesn’t like him, that doesn’t mean none of your friends will.
It’s actually super rude of your friend to state that she doesn’t approve him. I’d be questioning that friendship.
I (28m) can’t stand my high school friend’s, let’s call him John (27m), gf (31f). I dont think she is a good fit for him, she doesn’t have a lot of friends, I think 1 and a SIL, she is super antisocial. I just don’t see how them lasting, but they are talking about engagement. However, he is one of my best friends, so I have raised my concerns with him, told him how I felt and I will be friendly with her and not start drama, because she is dating my friend. I will have his back so long as he has mine. I dont understand how your friends, wouldn’t do the same.
I would never act differently to her, nor make her feel unwelcome nor unwanted. And a lot of our friendship was long distanced for nearly 12 years. He moved out of state in high school. I think your friends have a different outlook on friendship than I do. I would have talked to you separately about any concerns. Maybe it is because you are getting ready to get married and this is the first time meeting, but it seems odd to me
Initially I was gonna say your BF’s inability to adapt based on how your old friend was reacting to his ‘humor’ could be a red flag: “you just don’t understand my humor” as a free pass for being an asshole. Worth keeping an eye on. BUT the response to another comment about the behavior of the other BF makes it sound more like a dick measuring contest between the two of them with the other BF being a top tier bozo.
Honestly it seems like you have found a new group of friends (your BF’s friends) that are just more suited to you than the friends you had in high school. It happens.
I have a feeling this friend will then bad mouth the bf to the rest of your friends and any future meetings will be….hard.
You are marrying this guy, and as long as he treats you well and makes you laugh, focus on your relationship and planning your future events (rehearsal dinner, wedding, whatever it is you choose to do). I think as long as they say how well he treats you, they’ll come around but that can take years.
See you are dating him
Your friend isn’t
When people talk about sacrifices in a relationship this is one of them, are you ready to sacrifice your friendship for your relationship,
course when push comes to shove you’ll have to shove them out
You know friends don’t always like who you like. Two of my good friends dated/married guys that weren’t the best. The one divorced husband after 9 years after she finally realized what the total AH he actually was, the two of us hated each other (he and I). Yeah the other luckily didn’t marry him, the night I met him ( they had been together like four or more years at this point I just had never met him) he was just so condescending and mean to her I actually stood up and rallied for her and told him what an ass he was being. She was very grateful I stood up for her. They actually ended up breaking up about a week later. she was just starting to wake up though how horrible he actually was at that time and started had been starting to defend herself and stand up for herself and he didn’t like that. He demanded something of her that she refused to do so he dumped her. It was one of those wonderful moments cuz she wasn’t about to take it back even though he tried. After the breakup she told me a lot of what had been going on that she hadn’t been telling me, really bad. So as you have not been hanging around your friends they don’t know him and they don’t know you anymore. People change it’s possible none of them have changed from high school and you’ve changed a lot. But really I wouldn’t put too much in it and you just may have to move on.
I’m sure you don’t need to hear this but your friend is the problem not your boyfriend if he does not physically or mentally abuse you, just because he has a sarcastic sense of humor which I embrace and love and have screw em
Do you have friends that aren’t long distance
Opposite for me. My friends didn’t like my girlfriend we have been married for 11 years now and only a couple of those friends are still my friends but once they got to know my wife they loved her. My wife also has a very dry sense of humor which I love
So ONE of your fiends doesn’t like him and now you’re saying all your friends don’t like him? That’s almost how the title reads anyway. It’s one person, it’s not a big deal
Let the others make up their own minds
Not everyone is going to be everyone else’s cup of tea, it sounds like you genuinely enjoy that sort of witty banter whereas your friends miss the point or are overly sensitive. Honestly you shouldn’t let their opinions make you feel any type of way, if it bothers you a lot explain to them what his sense of humour is like and how he is but don’t expect opinions to change.
Honestly just sounds like they’re sensitive and nitpicking, sounds like a funny guy. If your friends can’t stand him maybe don’t bring him around them or even consider the fact that maybe y’all have changed too much and stayed friends out of habit rather than because there is the genuine connection there as sometimes we grow apart and become too different. Gl with your engagement and future plans!
Girl! I read some of your answers and TBH, you should downgrade your HS friends to associates. Smh. Apart of being an adult is putting ppl in categories, respectfully.
It’s literally fine that your friends don’t like him. It’s not their relationship. If you are happy with him, just let it be that. I think there are things my family doesn’t like about my husband and I have never cared. I love him and their opinions and feelings are irrelevant, especially since he is so good to me and has been for 16 years.
Typically for me someone’s friends disliking their SO strongly is a big red flag, however based on your responses it doesn’t sound like this is the case.
It sounds like you left home at 18 and YOU have changed as a person. You’ve now met someone who is suited to the new you. However, when meeting your old friends (and their SOs) you’re both now very different to them.
The being offended about the political jokes and “insulting” their British heritage is super weird. I also hold a British passport (I’m 🇨🇦) but you best believe I’m cracking jokes about both countries politics.
The “edgy” self-depreciating humour around mental health is also – meh. My friends and I do this but I know it’s not for everyone.
Honestly your friends and their SOs seem a bit conservative? I wouldn’t hold this against your BF and if anything I’d be critically analyzing the relationship with my friend. Not to cut them off but to assess where you’ve grown apart and maybe keep your friendship but stay away from those kinds of discussions.
Lmfao I’ve been in the same situation as your boyfriend so many times. I feel like not a single one of anyone I’ve dated’s friends/family like or approve of me.
Until we break up, then I have those same friends and even sisters hitting up my socials asking what I’m doing on Friday night.
You are dating him not your friends.
Oh god. I hope he isn’t one of those, “I’m an asshole to everyone but the girl I like type”.
BARF
So your bf was being a dick and now your friend doesn’t like him.