So the title kinda says it all. The first time we got intimate she asked me to put on a blindfold before she undressed, I agreed and even found it exciting, the sex was good, she seemed like she knew what she was doing. The second time she once again asked me to put on a blindfold, I said I’d rather not, then she suggested we turn off the lights. I wasn’t in the mood for arguing so I agreed and we once again had sex without me seeing shite. It was overall good despite being a little awkward when changing positions and stuff. The third time, guess what, she wanted to turn off the lights yet again. I was a little more insistent this time, telling her to stop fooling around and then I felt her getting really uncomfortable, so I relented and asked her if the blindfold was ok, she said yes and we had sex. What’s weird here is that there was one time when I walked in on her changing and saw her naked from behind, you’d expect her to freak out in that situation, but she was actually pretty chill and even gave me a cheeky look before I walked out. From a quick glance I thought her body looked gorgeous, she’s healthily slim and has an hourglass shape, her bosom isn’t too small either so I had absolutely no idea why she could possibly be insecure. She also occasionally wears tight-fitting clothes to add to the confusion. I tried talking to her considerately, assuring her that I find her very attractive and asking why she is so reluctant to let me see her naked, but didn’t get any sensible answer, once again noticing her getting anxious when on that topic. Since then we’ve had sex a few times and I was blindfolded at all times. I can’t bring myself to be pushy with her, she’s an incredibly sweet and endearing girl. Every time I see her getting uncomfortable when I suggest she let me see her naked I feel horrible. I tried reassuring her multiple times that I find her body attractive but it seemingly goes over her head. I just don’t know how to approach this subject softly but effectively.
5 comments
You may be honest in your view and mean well but you are competing against billion dollar industries built around women feeling bad about their appearance, reinforced by soft porn of ig and music industry and hard core porn.
She may never feel truly comfortable but if you encourage her to wear lingerie or body stockings and so on you can find an area of compromise.
Just remember it’s not about you and not a reflection of how she feels about you. Don’t keep pushing or you will push her away.
>I had absolutely no idea why she could possibly be insecure
Probably a lifetime of media pushed beauty standards that she didn’t fit into.
> I tried talking to her considerately, assuring her that I find her very attractive and asking why she is so reluctant to let me see her naked, but didn’t get any sensible answer
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>I tried reassuring her multiple times that I find her body attractive but it seemingly goes over her head.
Unfortunately, as stated above, a lifetime of insecurity can’t easily be swept away. She figures you’re saying that stuff because “you have to.”
Either something happened between the time you saw her naked and the time you had sex, or she sees herself differently when she is having sex. All you can do really do is make her feel comfortable as you have and she may slowly lower her defenses and/or push her towards therapy to help he find the root of the issue and surpass. Either way you have to be patient, you seem to be doing great so far.
My first thought was that she has a ‘peculiar’ situation but then I thought some more and that sounds like something I would do as a generally anxious person so never mind
Well, what chest size is “too small” to you? Do you know if she wears a padded push up? You say you like her body, but you are assuming she isnt “too small.” What other internalized expectations do you have? What are your deal-breakers?
I’m too small. I hate everything about my breasts (lack of), my gross cellulite thighs, fat ass, double chin at certain angles, my labia, the color of my vulva/nipples, my whole face, everything. My point is, your girl could have one major insecurity or 100 small ones. It could be distorted and exaggerated in her mind.
Also, being a woman largely feels like a lose lose situation. If youre skinny, you’re a twig! Real men want some meat on the bone! If you have fat, you must have let yourself go. If you have large natural breasts, theres gravity and maybe stretch marks, if you have small breasts you’re not a real woman. This sub has posts from women insecure about everything from their size, skin tone, hair, etc. Try to understand where your girl is coming from. Maybe she is even insecure about the faces she makes during sex. Maybe an ex made insensitive comments. You wont know for sure until she feels comfortable enough to tell you and you cant force that.
The advice i can give that helped me grow more intimate with my bf is taking showers together, removing clothes for back rubs/massages with no pressure to have sex, and slowly wearing less and less clothing while having sex (lifting a dress or tshirt, to wearing a bra, to a lacey bralette, to nothing).