Anyone else married to ADHD?!?! I don’t mean squirrel chasing jokes. I don’t mean someone who lacks time management skills. I mean is anyone married to a spouse that takes risk, for the thrill. That makes impulsive, harmful decisions for dopamine. That lies like telling the truth will kill them because they have been hiding all their life. That sees a therapist and doesn’t change. That can’t keep a job because of their temperament. Is anyone else married to ADHD?!?! It’s killing me. I know ADHD is a real, serious disability, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health. But geez. He just keeps hurting me (emotionally). (43F married 7 years 42M)

EDIT: my husband was diagnosed ADHD at age 12. That was 30 years ago. He has never held a job long. Didn’t finish a degree. Was discharged from the military for drugs. Did rehab and quit drugs. All before I met him. He has 4 close family members with ADHD.

18 comments

  2. I am ADHD, but Im not a psychotic risk taker. I work as a teacher and am very easily able to keep my temper in check.

    You have different problem on your hand unrelated to ADHD.

    What you have is anger problems.

  4. A lot of that sounds different from ADHD. I have 3 immediate ADHD family members and none of them take crazy risks or lie. They all do well with keeping jobs.

  5. I am, my wife has adhd. Jokes on her, I got that shit too.edit- you are going to receive a lot of anecdotes in here that will be completely unhelpful and straight up incorrect. Many of what you list can be associated with ADHD.

  7. What you are describing is not JUST ADHD. It sounds like a combination of ADHD and BPD. I have both and have been known to behave this way before I became aware that it was me with the issues and not everyone else!

  8. This sounds like there’s some other undiagnosed mental health disorder such as borderline personality disorder.

  9. You mean married to someone with ADHD?

    I have ADHD and don’t do anything you describe.

    Do NOT define people by their diagnoseses. And do NOT assume everyone with the same diagnoses’ are all the same.

    A lot of insensitivity here.

    What you are describing sounds like a personality disorder not ADHD.

  10. SO 1. My husband has ADHD (it’s severe) and it sounds like your dealing with more than just ADHD.

    2. A mental illness isn’t an excuse for him to hurt you and be a jackass.

  11. The other person having any disorder/serious disability is NOT a reason to stay with them. You have the right to leave someone who continually puts you in danger whether mentally or financially. Get out and have some peace.

  12. Therapist here, just from the small amount of info you provided here, this does not sound like ADHD alone.
    Risky, harmful, impulsive behavior, problems with emotional regulation that impact ability to hold a job and “impulsive” lying are indicators of other disorders, perhaps a personality or mood disorder.

  13. Taking risks for the thrill isn’t really a trait used for describing ADHD. I have an ADHD diagnosis and risk taking with actual harmful consequences isn’t really a struggle for me. Obviously everyone is different but being reckless with risk taking is a behavior associated more with bipolar disorder. Any chance that is a thing?

    Impulse control is a common issue with ADHD but impulse control out of recklessness while understanding the consequences is different than fidgeting at the dinner table.

  16. I have adhd and have done a multitude of stupid shit. But my diagnosis has actually added a huge spotlight to my behavior. I am celibate for the first time and being more intentional. Is your partner in medication? I’m not but it’s worth a shot

  17. I think you need to leave. He will not change but you will, you will change into shadow of yourself and realise later that you wasted ages.

  18. This sounds like unthreatened ADHD. I have ADHD too and was like this before diagnoses and medication. Aside from medication i also Read a lot about tips and trucks. I pretty much live a normal life now. I rately loose stuff, my house in organised and clean and i dont take risks.

    Is he medicated? Hé should really go see a ADHD therapist b cause hé clearly isnt it control of his ADHD. The ADHD is controlling him and that is an awful place to be in. Its really chaotic and frustrating and it can be 1000 Times better.

    Also… Do you have kids? You realize your kids have a really high change to also have ADHD and the state hé is in now hé cant even take propper care of himself… Let only take care of An ADHD child

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