Me and my wife of 4 years got into it tonight she is pre diabetic . I have been trying to take Care of her the best I can, and tonight she told me she ate 3 chocolate cupcakes ,one I know of but the other 2 I didn’t know I got upset with her and called her a idiot for the first time cause I was trying to look out for her health she told me she lost part respect for me as well as trust I need to know am I wrong for getting mad at her ?
6 comments
You’re not wrong, but you could have handled it better. You know that, or you wouldn’t be here asking.
I’m a firm believer that an important part of marriage is being honest enough to tell the person you love when they are acting like an idiot. This absolutely qualifies. Doing things like that for a diabetic is just slow-motion suicide. You can’t control her behavior, but you can control your response to it. The trick is to criticize the behavior, not the person. She isn’t an idiot. She is acting like one. There’s a massive difference. Keep that front and center and don’t let emotion get the better of you.
She wants to die…. does she want to have more medical issues….
she sounds selfish and you are scarifying for her and trying to be a team player and she is having a moment
She has a sweet tooth there is zero point in fighting it, you will go crazy doing it. And that sweet tooth is what made her pre-diabetic
There are tons of sugar-free cake and cupcake mixes on the market.
Make her sugar-free cupcakes and sugar-free sweet treats. Then she can have her 3 cupcakes and they won’t harm her.
Trying to get someone who was raised on a lifetime of sugar to the point they are about ready to be diabetic, to stop eating sweets is impossible. If she WANTS to join the dark side and “turn vegan” and never touch a dessert again then that is one thing. But she does not. Modern food technology allows us to make “food” out of dust and sawdust and whatever else they put into sugar free cupcake mix to produce a somewhat but not entirely like “cupcake” that won’t kill her. As much as you want to play the High Priest of Food and make her “eat healthy”; for the majority of people out there, “eat sugarless copies of the real McCoy” is the best they can get to. Why do you think Diet Coke outsells regular Coke?
And get her exercising – aerobic exercise is excellent for pre-diabetics and diabetics and doing enough of it will keep her from going into full scale diabetes.
Don’t call her names. Don’t even get mad at her. You have an adult for a wife and she’s going to make smart choices and stupid choices.
Don’t enable, but don’t manage.
Do you want to be effective at resolving disputes or do you want to use teenage tactics and cut others down in order to “win” arguments?
Plot twist: It’s known at work and at home that [arguments don’t work anyway](https://hbr.org/2011/02/arguing-is-pointless.html). Arguments solidify positions and the “loser” ends up feeling resentment, not change.
There are clinically proven ways to communicate and resolve differences, and we’ve collected a lot of resources about that in this section of this sub’s wiki:
https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/wiki/index#wiki_communication.2C_arguing.2C_fighting_fair_and_stress
They don’t teach any of these skills to us in school, but we can learn to be far more effective if we choose to learn these things.
One, the cupcakes had been eaten so there’s no way to change the past. Two, expressing that you are concerned for her health in a routine discussion goes a lot farther than getting mad and calling her an idiot.
I thought I read that you were her husband, but here you are acting like her Dad.