Possibly tmi
Please read this, I’m just wondering if this is common for men? Because I’ve always thought it was different.
I want to start of by saying I love my boyfriend. Our relationship is new but we’ve known eachother for longer.
For this post it’s important to know that he’s very affectionate, coudles me everytime for hours and kisses me constantly. For some reason is touchy as in he wants to hold my waist/mostly stomach.
I’ve been on dates before in my life but this is my first time being in a relationship. He does have an ex, whom he was in a relationship with for a year.
I don’t know much about her. But unlike her, he has told his parents about me and seems to take me a lot more serious.
We are open, talk about everything and the topic of sex came up as well. I explained I haven’t had sexual expierences before and he said he has “felt” a woman before but never had sex.
It made me wonder since he has a previous relationship of a year, what made it so that he was still a virgin. I asked about that and he said “obviously” he had to do “it” some day if he wanted to have kids (here it is) He said: ” it seems so idk tiring i guess. I’m out of breath walking the stairs.” And a few more of that. I couldn’t help but laugh. Never heard someone say sex is like walking the stairs. He chuckled too. Added it was nice being with me cuddeling the way it is.
He had mentioned before that when he looked up videos, it doesn’t seem pleasurable. But I’m confused. he wants to kiss me every second(sometimes even a bit annoying), he wants to make out, touch me, and every time makes “jokes” about me being naked, takes something i say out of context and makes it sexual. or says things like he wouldn’t complain if i were to remove my clothes.?? but for some reason sex leaves him cold?. He said; if i were on top of him he’d be fine but he doesn’t want to rn” which i respect. He genuinely just doesn’t seem thrilled about sex nor bothered by it.
I do want to have sex but I’m ashamed in a way.
Sorry that this is tmi but i just need something to relate to i guess?
Tl;dr boyfriend doesn’t want to have sex due to the reasons: seems not pleasureable, must be like walking up stairs, (which he hates lol) gives me a lot of “hints” makes me confused.
5 comments
Low sex drive probably. I too have a somewhat low sex drive. And so does my bf. Could be many reasons for this. He could fall on the asexual spectrum, he may have fears of intimacy/being too attached to others (could be due to childhood stuff), he could have low testosterone levels, he may have a responsive sex drive where he only wants sex when you want it, etc. ultimately his sex drive is low and you have to decide if that’s okay with you. You can give it a year and if it doesn’t work out then it may not be the relationship for you.
Oh and don’t be ashamed. If his drive is low it has nothing to do with you. It’s something he feels he can’t help right now.
The plus side is that it seems he’s attracted to you but being attracted to and wanting sex atm are two different things.
Does he identify with the asexual community? Might be worth him thinking about.
Maybe he’s on the ace spectrum, maybe he’s got a lower libido, maybe he’s just someone who really likes kissing and cuddling but could take or leave sex. I think absent any medical concerns the reason doesn’t matter that much. This is just how some people – of all genders – are, and probably has nothing at all to do with you.
It’s fine if you want to stay together and see how you feel as you go along, it’s also fine if you want to break up and find a partner who’s as excited to sleep with you as you are to sleep with them.
There’s nothing to be ashamed of. You can tell your boyfriend you’re ready to start exploring your sexuality and you want it to be with him if he’s ready too.
Let him think if he’s ready. You can try and if either one of you change your mind, stop. It’s better to work at the slower partner’s pace so you build trust. But if he realizes he never wants to have sex with you, you need to make an open environment for him to communicate that. Then move in to a relationship where you both feel ready for sex.
You can’t/shouldn’t make someobe want sex who doesn’t. That’s just a fact of life we must all accept.
It’s NOT about what is or isn’t common. When it comes to lasting relationships, it’s about wanting the same thing, end of story.