Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/wwe18l/i34f_feel_pressure_having_to_take_care_of_my/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
First and foremost, I’d like to thank everyone who messaged me and at least told me what I should do. I apologize for not responding to the comments because I needed to rest and get some therapy to protect my health.
I had a lot of messages from my messages and Wechat when I opened my phone again yesterday. Coming from my father’s and mother’s family.
They keep urging me to return to China and bring some shame to my mother, who gave birth to me, and other such things. Because it was a groupchat, my brothers saw it and decided to chastise them for forcing me and exploiting my weakness to force me to return home.
They send a lengthy message in which they describe everything my mother did to me when I was a child. From not providing a heater in my room during the winter season to turning my birthday into a punishment day, and so on.
My oldest brother told them that if my mother treated me well and not like garbage, I would probably take care of her. He then told them that none of her children want to care for her because she is the true witch who mentally absd her children.
My second older brother then told them that if the two of them who had received excellent treatment from the witch don’t want to look after her, what about me who She only give punishments and harsh words.
After my brothers said that, none of our relatives texted. If she had treated all three of us well, we would gladly return to China and take care of her.
I’m currently taking a break. My boss is aware of what is going on and has granted me a week off so that I can perform well when I return to work.
Please treat your children equally, all parents out there. I hope that no other children have to go through what I have.
9 comments
I’m glad your brothers had your back.
I’m glad your brothers intervened and stuck up for you & had your back. I hope you’re able to accept your decision is the right thing and not feel bad anymore. You didn’t deserve how your parents treated you & I hope you’re able to protect your mental health.
Your brothers are awesome. They put everyone in their place and support you. I’m glad they said how even though they were treated better, they also don’t want to take care of your abusive egg donor.
Great Brothers. Glad they had your back. Karma is a bitch
Your brothers sound amazing. It seems incredibly rare in situations like these for the favored sibling(s) to stand up for the black sheep. I’m so glad they had your back, and wow, they had your back in the most spectacular of ways. I would give them big hugs if I were you, haha. I’m so so so glad you had their support and that they helped you put your family in their place. You deserve so much better than an awful mother like that!
I wish I had siblings like that.
Sweetheart, I am so proud of you! You should be proud too! Look at how much you have done to protect yourself! To stand up for yourself!
Take a deep breath and let yourself celebrate this. This is a huge win! You’re on the road to true freedom! Your therapist can help undo the damage your mother has done to you. Especially this business about you not being smart. Could a person who is not smart get a degree? Move to another country? Live without their family? You are SO smart my dear!
You are brilliant and brave and a force to be reckoned with!
I am so sorry that by standing up for yourself you will lose your mother, but I think if you look at the bond you now have with your brothers it might be worth it!
Allow yourself to grieve, feel your feelings. All of them are valid. Happiness, agony, guilt, shame, let it all out. Journalling is a really good tool, gentle exercise and spending time in nature can be helpful too.
If you need some extra support r/momforaminute is a really great place.
You are worthy.
You are worthy of love. You are worthy of kindness. You are worthy of success. You are worthy of respect. Just as you are, just as you always have been.
I’m sending you the biggest hug, be kind to yourself, life is hard enough as it is. ❤️
Filial piety is the biggest pile of bullcrap in Chinese culture. I had to deal with that too because I had the misfortune to be born first as female, which meant I brought shame to the family since I wasn’t a boy. My brother is absolutely the golden child because he will inherit everything while I get nothing. Why? Because I’m female.
I think you need to stop putting so much emphasize on the idea of being beholden to filial piety. Confucius has been dead for centuries, why the hell are we still expected to follow the teachings of a stupid old man???
My family in China stopped talking to me when I married a Caucasian man instead of Chinese. It was such a huge betrayal them, I’ve dishonored my family and ancestors blah blah blah. Them choosing to go no contact with me was the best thing that ever happened to me, my life is so much happier now. F everything about filial piety, outdated and stupid.
Ignore your Chinese relatives who say you’re obligated to go back and take care of your mother, they can go kick rocks.
I’m glad your brothers backed you up. I’m sorry your parents were like this. Take good care of yourself. It seems like you are.