TLDR: I want to make friends at my new job and I am afraid to lose female acquaintances when they learn I am straight.
So I just started working at a new office and after a short get to know everyone, a small group of women have been giving me a fair amount of attention. I get along with them well and recently they have asked if I wanted to go shopping and “girl talk”. I said yes and I am genuinely looking forward to it.
I have no problem if people think I am gay and to be honest this is not even close to the first time. I dislike a lot of stereotypical male hobbies and I can comfortably and happily discuss topics like fashion, skincare, chick flicks, relationships, other stuff who knows.
My issue is, I feel like I’m only being asked because they think I’m gay and the offer will be rescinded. I’ve dealt with this in the past and once i reveal I am straight, there is some sort of switch that goes off, and I am immediately treated differently.
Should I be honest?
5 comments
Yes, you should always be honest.
Yeah you should tell. If they find out after they will feel betrayed and friendship will definitely be impossible. I can see how this sucks from your perspective, and they’re kind of weird for assuming your sexuality based on your hobbies, but theres a certain safety being around people that have zero potential to be attracted towards you. Don’t breach that safety. Mention an ex-gf in front of them or something.
The switch goes off because many, many straight cis men are incapable of considering platonic, non-romantic non-sexual relationships with women. (Exhibit A – whining about the “friendzone” like it’s a bad thing) So many of us avoid being friends with men because of the sometimes inevitable “I have feelings for you.”
So we would prefer a gay male friend because at least we don’t have to worry about that. We just want a friend who doesn’t want to sleep with us.
I say this as someone who has had more straight male friends than women in the past.
My advice is be honest but if you have feelings for any of them, it will likely become obvious and they may not be interested.
I’d probably feel weird making an announcement of like “btw I am not gay!” but I would maybe try to say something that would drop the hint that I’m not gay. Something inane like “I didn’t think I’d like the show ‘Call The Midwife’ but an old girlfriend made me give it a chance and it actually sucked me in and is a really good show” (you can borrow this direct quote from my husband, who did not expect to enjoy that show as much as he did).
Well I’ll just say i understand their assumptions about you. Most straight cis gendered men dont have girl talks and go shopping with the girls.
Either way, they wont care if youre gay or not as long as youre genuine about wanting to hang with them. Women like to socialize.