My father was diagnosed with cancer when I was 5. In and out of intensive care for 6 years until he died. My extended family cut us off after. No uncles, cousins, or family friends. Mom never remarried after his death, so no step dads.
Never got over it internally, even now at 30. Never seen a therapist. Low self-esteem around women, no career trajectory, couldn’t make meaningful friends, self-sabotaging behavior, constantly picked on.
5 comments
i feel for you man. my dad died pretty suddenly of colon cancer when i was 17. bleh.
please seek therapy, man. ok? they can help you cope with these feelings and process them in healthier ways.
this sort of toxin will rot inside you forever, and it can poison not only you, but others around you too–especially those who wish to help, but can’t.
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if it makes you feel any better (and it likely won’t), i knew my dad for 17 years and virtually nothing he ever said or did helped me become a better person. he was the definition of a toxic male. sexist, racist, hateful, angry, bossy, always had to be in control, always thought he knew best, always wanted to solve problems with violence, women are the root of all evil, blah blah blah.
i’m merely saying that not all parent figures are positive influences.
it was mostly despite of his raising that i turned out ok, not because of it.
and therapy definitely helped me sort out these issues before they festered into long-term lifestyle choices.
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please consider therapy, buddy. it can be literally lifesaving.
your life is worth it, you know? 🙂
>Never seen a therapist. Low self-esteem around women, no career trajectory, couldn’t make meaningful friends, self-sabotaging behavior, constantly picked on.
Damn never seen a therapist but you look at yourself the way a therapist would
My answer is possibly not quite as drastic as you are looking for but I feel much the same way since my dad was alive when I was a kid, but he was basically never around because he was always overseas due to his job. So I end up getting a lot of what you’re describing. Not that I think having him around would have helped much, when we interacted it was strange and we didn’t really understand each other, so.
Edit: reworded everything.
I’m so sorry for your loss
I did until I was 12 and meet my stepfather.
The way I saw my mother deal with alcoholism wasn’t nice. I would stay up until 3am and then fall asleep in school and seeing my mother deal with depression wasn’t nice. Then she met my stepfather and I saw my mother quit drinking and become mentally better. So it affected me bad after seeing what my mum was dealing with but my stepdad really did change my mothers, sister and my life for the better. He really is an amazing father. Especially to my 11 year old brother.
I have a good relationship with my biological father now but his even admitted that he could’ve been a better father. I know he loves me and I love him but we both agree my stepfather was a better father to me
You’ve answered your own question, buddy.
Get a therapist.