My ex (26M) and I (25F) broke up a year ago & he was the only person I had sex with. We were together for approximately 4 years. Now that it’s been over a year with no sex, my friend is encouraging me to have sex with other people so I can find what I like & possibly find amazing sexual encounters … but honestly, I would prefer to have sex with someone I am in a relationship with. However, I am afraid that I am being closed minded & should give casual sex a try. Ugh! I feel so torn 😭 any advice? has anyone went through something similar?
25 comments
Honestly as someone who’s had sex with 15 people you’re not missing out on much if you don’t fuck around. Finding a partner you’re comfortable with is way better than fucking around.
It’s way better in a safe and committed relationship, imo. I’ve explored and experienced more in the last several years than I have in all my young adulthood combined. Stick to what you feel comfortable with.
Trust your gut – if you don’t want to, it won’t be fun for you. Some people really have a difficult time with casual sex and it’s possible that you might end up hooking up with someone and letting your emotions get it the way and expect them to fall in love with you but then getting hurt when you’re feelings aren’t reciprocated.
Honestly it matters only if you wanted to try certain kinks that you wouldn’t be able to do with a monogamous partner. Otherwise a relationship is always better
Get into therapy. Go from there. There is nothing wrong with casual sex or monogamous sex. You’re still healing.
do not let someone else dictate how you live your life, as you think this threw find out what it is that your looking for, what are your values, what are the potential pros and cons of your choices and try to think how you will look back on those choices in the future.
remember if it comes down to it you can always test the waters with someone you trust but it is a good idea to ask other of their experiences with this
Casual sex may not be for you and that’s fine!
Casual sex is awful. And I’m a guy, society tells me I’m supposed to love it. I anticipate downvotes from men mostly, but women too. I’m not trying to white knight either. The thing is this, if you click with someone enough to have decent sex with them, I would want to date them, because it’s very rare to click that well with anyone. An exception would be if you have a very cavalier attitude about sex, like “it’s just a bodily function!” or something like that, and you also meet lots of attractive fun decent people that want to have sex with you. If both those things are true then you are probably all set.
If you’re feeling that it’s not right for you, it probably isn’t. Date, see who you like, then ask yourself if it is time for you. Put it off until you get a definite yes
I have had 2 partners in my life. One my first wife the other is my second wife. For some people they are ok with casual sex and others no. You have to do what your comfortable with. I am happy and fulfilled don’t let someone else’s opinion pressure you into something. But I do question why your friends opinions are causing you to be torn?
This is a tricky one as having multiple partners can be very rewarding, help you work out what you want and who knows find somebody or something you adore.
However, don’t do it because somebody is saying to do it. If you need the emotional attachment, you may feel guilt or other negative emotions from casual. Have you considered going on a hook-up and snogging to see what its like?
Alternatively try an escort, that way, you know exactly what you are doing and its on your terms
I don’t think you should do it. Some people like you and I prefer an emotional connection and people like us will just feel like shit and “used” after casual sex. It’s not worth it. Completely depends on the person. You can also find what you like with the same person.
I think having slept around a good bit in younger years, I would prefer to have a consistent relationship over just flings. But with that said I’ve had amazing sex as a single man, but with my wife I have the best sex ever. It’s treully up to you, you might love it, or you will never do it again. A few bad experiences with casual sex, but Aldo some really good ones. If it wouldn’t make you feel aweful and your willing to give it a shot then do it, but also if it sucks it could just be the wrong type of person your with. Best if luck but let us know if you follow through with it, and if you want write a story about it.
Your 25yr old female. Its prolly time to get serious about finding the man this of course if marriage is a goal one day. Its these years you need to be intentional. For a women to have only slept with one man alot of guys see value in that.
I don’t know why all the comments here are so sex-negative. The most important thing is that you do what’s comfortable for you… But casual sex can be a ton of fun, and can also be a path to a more committed relationship. The key is honest communication. Don’t feel like you have to have casual sex, but sex feels different with every partner, and you don’t know what you could be missing. I wouldn’t try to force it but if you have curiosity about trying sex with more people don’t feel ashamed or embarrassed about it, just take it slow and do what feels right.
Before we got married. My wife and I tried this. We were just going to be friends and have casual sex. Didn’t last long. We’ve been married for 6 years now.
At 35 I’d only had 3 long term partners and my friend encouraged me to get having casual sex, best decision ever it’s so fun
Better to have done things in life than get old and regret not having done them
I think actual one-night stands are just not a great cultural product. You don’t need to see a future with someone to have a caring, understanding relationship to explore sex within. If you have any friends or acquaintances you’re attracted to and trust, it might be worth cautiously broaching the subject.
I’ve only had a casual hook-up once (hoped it would be a little more than what it was) but it ended up being better sex than normal.
It’s okay if you’re not into trying that. If it’s out of your comfort zone, that’s perfectly fine and should be respected. I’d say if you’re questioning it maybe give it a try once and see how you feel. Even though I enjoyed my experience and hold no ill will about it I haven’t had any casual anything since and probably won’t. Never know where life ends up taking you though.
Shallow people love telling non-shallow people to be shallow.
Does it sound like that would make you happy in the long run?
I, too, don’t enjoy sex with people I’m not in a relationship with. Because of that I’ve only had sex with 3 people, the last of which ended up being my husband and I don’t regret it one bit. Tell your friend, as nicely as possible, that you don’t feel the desire to have casual sex and would prefer they not suggest it again. If they can’t respect that then they aren’t your friend.
Sex has been wayyyy better for me with my bf than any fwb.
If you don’t want to do it then don’t. Fuck what your friend says, you do you.
I never could bring myself to want to fuck random women, because I have to have an emotional connection to even start thinking about sex.
You do you and let your friend do her. BTW, im gonna need her number tho. LOL, but seriously, the best sex is with someone you really connect with. Then its not just the mechanics of the ole in n out. Plus youre less likely to have an oops or STD. Now Id be a hypocrite if i said i chose the higher ground im suggesting but if i had to do it over again, i wish i had been more choosy. Would have saved me a lot of headaches and broken hearts. When you do find a great guy and things get to that level but he doesnt just knock your socks off, take heart, all is not lost.Tons of books and tutorials are done each week on improvements to or variations to try out in bed, or on the floor, countertop, car, beach, washing machine,….well you get the idea.
That’s a question only you can answer. After being with my ex for almost 16 years (he was my first) and feeling like the ugliest, most unloveable person in the world, having a phase of casual sex did me wonders. I felt empowered, sexy, and I learnt a lot about myself, all of which helped me be ready for a new relationship. But just because that was my reality, doesn’t mean it’s yours. You do you and don’t worry about anyone else’s opinion.