I’m (hopefully) nowhere near dying yet, but sometimes I think about the day and the stress that my loved ones will be under. So I was thinking, to spare them having to answer a lot of different questions from a funeral director, it would be easier for them to just hand over a list of things I had written down for them (music, flowers, location, etc) and be done with it. I don’t actually care if I get any of those things (I’m sure I won’t lose my shit if the flowers are roses instead of tulips, for example), but I just like to make things simple and hassle free for everyone involved.
So I’m wondering if anyone else thought of this, and if so, what are your preferences for your funeral?
42 comments
Absolutely, at the moment I’m wondering about what song I’d like being lowered down, currently on [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dtybOwm6UYE)
There’s a sealed envelope with my instructions attached to a copy of my will.
Think about it all the time, bit of an unhealthy obsession in my case I think.
No I haven’t.
Would rather my family save the money and just scatter my ashes.
Those things aren’t the hassle, paying for it and organising it are the hassle. Inviting everyone and having the same conversation with each of them about how you are, when you just want to be left alone. Thinking about sandwiches and timings and orders of service when you just want to sit at home and cry. Picking a song is probably the easiest bit. And tbh probably one of the few pleasurable bits you can leave to your family. It’s nice to think about what music was special to your loved one.
With a few deaths in my family recently I’ve been thinking about it a lot. I’ve made it clear to my family that I don’t want them to spend a lot of money on me; I want the cheapest funeral possible, no religious service.
Obviously if they want to and it makes them happy, they can spend more on it. But I don’t want them to feel like they have to.
I’ve planned my music
When I was 19, my appendix burst. I didn’t go to the hospital for 5 days, by which point I was slipping in and out of consciousness. The doctor said that if I hadn’t of been taken to hospital that night, I’d have probably slipped into a coma and died because my system was shutting down. I had emergency surgery and was in hospital for over 6 weeks because I was critically ill.
I’d never truly thought about or cared about my death before that. But that made me think long and hard. I have since written on a piece of paper my wishes (What music, location, who I do and don’t want there etc…) and had it signed by my lawyer and witnessed by 2 family members. It is locked up safely in my filing cabinet. I’m only 25 right now, and thus far I haven’t needed to amend what I wrote down on the paper, but if you do write one up, ensure you update it whenever significant changes need to be made and make sure a lawyer and witnesses are in attendance.
I have My Way by Frank Sinatra, When I’m Gone by Eminem and Funeral by Lukas Graham written as my 3 songs I want played. I specified that I didn’t want my real father at my Funeral if I die before him because he hasn’t been there for me whilst alive so he has no right to be at my Funeral. I want everyone to wear black trousers but a Football shirt as I’m football crazy and it’s my Funeral and it’ll brighten it up a bit. I want everyone to take one shot of my favourite whisky at the after party. And I want everyone to be telling their favourite stories, ideally funny as I want to be remembered for what I am, usually someone to make people laugh and enjoy humour. I wrote down many of these specific details but also left a part that said my Mum has full control of my Funeral plans if she is alive when I die, or my Boyfriend/Kids if she has passed by the time I die.
They can harvest anything from my body, that they can use and the leftovers are to be cremated.
I want a giant pyramid and have instructed my friends and family about this. They have to follow my wishes, right….?
Funny you should bring this up. Currently planning the mother-in-laws funeral as it happens. She’s not dead or even unwell it’s just something I like to do
Im a funeral celebrant so yes. Family circumstances aren’t always easy and having decisions made is generally helpful, with the acknowledgement that the day is for the living so these are preferences not absolutely set in stone. Much more helpful is doing admin and getting rid of stuff that has accumulated over the years. This is the real headache, especially when the person who has died lives in rented housing and time is limited.
I plan on starting to pay for a Pure Cremation plan. I’m not religious so this would suit me perfectly away from a more “traditional” funeral. Heck I even have life insurance and I’m only 24. I want to make sure that anyone I leave behind is well taken care of. Of course I’ll also have strict stipulations in my will (when I actually get around to writing one) for my earthly possessions and my wishes but there’s still a lot that I have to think about.
Yeah I do all the time. I don’t want anything in a church or anything traditional.. cremate me into a firework, play duel of fates and blow me into oblivion
In the words of Sean Lock:
“Why should I care? I’ll be dead!”
Literally whatever the cheapest option is and spend the money going on holiday or whatever.
A Funeral must be the absolute least enjoyable thing you can buy for £6000
Honestly, other than cremation, I don’t mind. I won’t be there to experience it. It will be for the benefit of the family, so whatever floats their boat.
I’m more concerned that my wife will just give all my possessions to her family which, given my interactions with them, is not something that I am prepared to do. So I need to make a will.
I have, and I think the whole funeral thing is nonsense. I want to be either buried with a tree planted on top or just thrown in the sea with something to weigh me down. As for any kind of service, say what you want, wear what you want, just don’t bring religion into it.
Stick my body in a bin bag and drop it off at the council tip
I did my placement in a funeral directors whilst doing my NVQ , so I learnt a lot about different types of funerals, even though I only did basic admin and the run about errand person.
So it would be cremation, but quick funeral and everyone to the pub or a nice restaurant a have a good meal , no black clothing bright colours
Just throw me in the trash.
sometimes i listen to a song and imagine im sat at my own funeral, and that is what they chose for me. been doing that since i was 16.
I’m donating my body to science. If they use my cadaver, they’ll cremate it for free.
Don’t want one. Chuck whatever’s left in the cheapest fire you can find, bin the ashes and only tell who asks.
Get me to fuck.
I think about it because my partner died at 25 and we obviously hadn’t discussed anything about death back then… which was stressful.
If you want to make things simpler for your family there’s a few actions I would recommend (but this will depend on who’s your next of kin/who’s responsible for organising things after your death).
The two most important things that I questioned were:
– What to do with the body? Will depend on how you die but most basic ones are organ donation, body donation, cremation, burial, etc. There are new things out there to make funerals more sustainable if you want to think about that. Are you religious or not? Do you want a religious ceremony? Etc etc.
– What to do with your things? Assets, bank accounts, pensions, anything you want to leave to specific people (can include money, objects, etc). If you don’t leave instructions this is a hassle because first, you need to figure out things then you need to actually execute it.
Organising the funeral on its own was… obviously sad but fine. It gave me something to think about other than my partner had died. I liked choosing the music and thinking about readings or stuff he would have liked. Of course you can leave all of this organised but the most stressful things for me were the ones I mentioned above. The funeral is for the people that stay behind and want the opportunity to say goodbye
Bin me.
Literally could not care less what happens to my body, I’m a full body organ donor so hopefully they take as much as they can from me, what’s left can be thrown in a bin for all I care.
Have a nice get together for closure and things but I don’t want my family paying out the arse for a pretty wooden box and grave plot and all that gubbins. Take a holiday or travel or go do something I always wanted to but never got the chance.
As a side note though, that composting idea of growing a tree from the corpse sounds pretty cool if it’s suitable cheap and easy. Wouldn’t want anyone to feel like they had to visit my tree though, wouldn’t want to be a bother.
Yep I want a direct cremation cheap as possible, NO RELIGION
The biggest favour you can do your family is having life insurance. Funerals cost thousands of pounds, and nobody needs that stress on top of their grief.
Also give somebody power of attorney (medical and financial). If you are incapacitated and unable to act for yourself, there is no “common sense” rule that overrides data protection – your family will not be able to access your money (eg to keep up your rent or mortgage payments for you), or make decisions about your medical care if you need ongoing care for example. Nor can they make claims under any accident / illness policies on your behalf unless they have power of attorney.
A lot of people leave their funeral wishes with their will – you could do that, but deciding what music to play at your funeral is going to be the least of their concerns if you’ve left them with a financial and administrative nightmare.
Always wanted to be sent off to” Northwest Passage by Stan Rogers. It’s always gets me tearing up but I can’t quite put my finger on why
In my community, we have a committee called the Muslim Death Committee. Annually you would pay something like £30 per person in your family to this bank account thats been attributed to this committee.
Our funeral service is a wee bit different than everything I have seen written here so far. We dont have the song and dance, nor is it an opportunity to start having sandwiches (I must say its fascinating learning about how a different group goes about this guaranteed process of death). Instead, the procedure for us is the following day after the death we have a special prayer at midday called the Janazah prayer. Often people you never knew will attend as its like obligatory to attend if you have nothing in the way (job). After the prayer the body is taken to the local cemetery where the council have given a plot of land (unsure if it was bought) for Muslims to be buried. Your role by going along is to help lower the coffin into the grave which will have been dug that morning by the caretaker or the chap that takes cares of the cemetery. You all then pass around a shovel and put the dirt on the coffin. A small prayer is said (its called a Dua) where we ask God for their Forgiveness etc etc.
Its not exactly a jovial experience and everytime I am there i am reminded of how delicate life is and what truly matters etc. I figured I’d share another perspective than the traditional one most folk know!
I’ve been thinking about this recently after the death of my mother.
You know how some people want to donate their body to science when they die? Well I want to donate my body to future archaeologists. I want to be buried with preservation in mind, and with time capsules to tell about how life was like when I lived.
The rest of the family want to be cremated, and think my idea is a bit weird.
Yep, I’m becoming a tree, plot bought, paid for – done.
I want to be [fly tipped](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5Q6n3mFN-Lg).
I’m not gonna need my body, so if they can use my body for medical studies I’m game for that. No funeral needed 🙂
Yeah. I’ve spent quite a bit of time thinking about it.
Woodland burial so my grave isn’t a hassle but my body doesn’t go to waste, like with cremation.
The songs will likely change throughout my life.
I have the current celebrant picked but they are a couple of decades older than me so they will likely change too.
Even the cheapest option I can find (direct cremation with no service) runs to more money than I could feasibly save up for, so when the time comes I think I’m just going to wrap myself in a couple of black bags and lie down by the wheelie bins.
Yes, I’m to be burnt, scatter my she’s wherever and do it as cheaply at possible.
If anyone should dare to waste land by burying my decomposing body I’ll haunt the shit out of them. Cemeteries should all be reclaimed the tombstones photographed and put online then build houses on top of them or just turn them into parks. I might be ok with the cemeteries being moved massively out of town.
All the time!
It will be a proviso to anyone who’s wants to attend the wear full Victorian gothic mourning get up and they have to mourn in Japanese style with full wailing and gnashing of teeth!
I’m having a tree burial. They wrap you in sacking in the foetal position and pop a sapling on your head and ‘plant’ you bum down. £800. No fuss, no religion and cheap. All in my will, family are aware and happy to do this. ☺️
No, but as part of a self help book i did years ago (the covey 7 habits) i had to imagine and ended up writing down what would be said about me at my funeral.
I actually think i might record a lecture I’d like the congregation to listen too. My last chance to have their undivided attention.
I was literally discussing this with a friend of mine this morning because another friend lost her mum and was so upset that she had no idea what her mum wanted in terms of burial/cremation/type of funeral. We made best guesses but it was stressful. Subsequently we’ve discussed our wishes in our family.
Unhelpfully, my Dad wants a Viking funeral. I’ve tried to explain that as he’s a Catholic Anglo/Cypriot living in the West Country that’s going to be tricky to manage but he’s having none of it!