So I’ve been seeing a guy for about a year. I have not really had any prior relationship experience. I did come out later in life and I’m not mad about that, but I am realizing how much I’ve not experienced due to “hiding” or just not being ready to be completely out. So I’ve come out to a close friend and siblings and am starting to put myself out there.
So I get on Scruff and I’m not really looking for an LTR at the moment, maybe just dating or getting to know people. The biggest thing for me is to just get out there and have experiences, have dates, have intimate experiences (safe of course).
So I get a message from this guy. He is attractive and seems pleasant. I later find out that he was previously married to a woman, has 3 kids, and is in the middle of a divorce. I’m a bit trepidatious of all this, but he and I have a lot in common the more we talk. And he also is coming out later in life. I tell him, lets just be friends and keep it casual. He lives about 2 hours away from me but works in my area of town which is why we are able to meet. Well after about 4 weeks of chatting, we have a date and things get intimate really fast. I am 30 and he is 37 – and both guys here.
We like each other a lot and we decide to be exclusive FWB with the option for more if it comes up. We both like each other a lot, but I’m sure I’m maintaining distance and trying to keep cool. He on the other hands seems to be giving me grand gestures that seem more “boyfriend” or “significant other” type than exclusive FWB. He says that he has no one else to talk to and that I am his only friend. I am very fond of him but I’m confused.
Things that have happened during this year:
-We talk everyday – mostly messaging
-He always says “Good morning” or “Good night” and checks in with me frequently during the day
-He asked me to move in with him within about a month and a half (about a month after our first meeting – and even though he and his ex-wife are co-habituating during the divorce.)
-For the first couple of months, he would get up very early and drive down to my area so we could have breakfast together and then go off to work. I didn’t ask him to do this, he wanted to. But I thought “wow you want to see me, I don’t want to be rude and not accept – so I kept going to breakfast.”
-He dedicated two songs to me – played both in the car for me and said he thinks of me when he hears them
-He says that “I’m so into you”
-He has brought me home baked goods (I wasn’t sure we were exchanging gifts)
-We get lunch or breakfast quite frequently, maybe once a week or every two weeks.
-He said Happy Valentine’s Day
-He has started calling me by a very family-oriented nickname (I have a common name) that I never really said I wanted him to call me by – so he’ll randomly say “My (insert nickname)” when addressing me.
-He definitely remembered my birthday and wished me a “Happy Birthday”
-I left my phone at home one time before I went to work and didn’t message for an entire day (even though we talked that morning before work) and he messaged and called my phone numerous times, asking if I was ok or if something was wrong. He actually called my work to make sure I was okay. Although I didn’t know he did until much later.
-He has started looking for apartments to move out – this kind of freaked me out.
-I was thinking of moving away and he said “What am I going to do without you”
-On the 1 year mark of us meeting, he messaged me a “Happy Anniversary” …. yeah
-I’m also pretty sure he said “I love you” once but cut off the last part as I was getting out of his car.
At this point, this doesn’t seem like a regular, exclusive FWB situation. Although I know he’s technically still wrapped up in his divorce, and I really am not asking for more because I know his situation and I don’t think I’m ready for a steady relationship since I’m new to all this. So I’m always very careful about how much I say to him and make sure not to demand things. We haven’t had a talk about where this is all headed or to redefine the nature of our relationship. I mean I do like him a lot, but there is a LOT of baggage that I’m not necessarily sure I’m ready for. We do have crazy sexual chemistry and we get a long very well. Like I feel like I’ve known him my whole life. But we can’t really evolve the relationship due to constraints on both of us. Him more than me.
Has this gone beyond the FWB parameters? What is going on?
Tl;dr – I came out later in life and started talking to a guy who also came out later in life and we decided to be exclusive FWB, but I feel like things are getting deep and moving too fast and we feel more than FWB and more like boyfriends… Am I wrong?