I have been asked many times and I have said no. I don’t have anything against yoga. I like to go and work on my own and train in the gym and I’ve been doing this for many years. She said it’s just much more than just stretching and they do more resistance and more cardio stuff in there and I should experience it. yes of course I do know that yoga has become another modified version of exercise and it might be fun for other people but it’s just not for me. However, she is now using this as her usual dominance over our relationship again. I don’t mind being the sole breadwinner and she doesn’t work except for to help out with the financial work and at the office when needed; But at the same time not wearing the pants in this relationship. I’m pretty confident in myself so I let her handled all money all the checkbooks all the accounts. I also do out of cooking a house helper shop because I do cook, clean and vacuum which she never does.
Why all the backstory? I don’t want to be the super dad or husband, I just don’t want to be pushed into doing yoga when I adamantly told her that is a waste of time for me. And I know it’s not about the yoga ; some of you guys will say because it’s about spending time with your wife working out. I work out three or four days a week she goes to yoga once on average every three weeks. She never goes and works out with me. I really don’t care. She needs to work out because her health is poor and she needs to lose weight and be more fit but it’s her body and her health and all I can do is encourage her but never make her feel bad about taking the next step. I have no social life, most of time I spend with her and our son. Does she need yoga to validate our relationship? We have been married for 21 years.
Am I not entitled to having the ability to say no and not feel like I have to go to yoga otherwise I’m an insensitive husband?
Sorry for venting but I’m resentful as hell now and it’s not healthy. I’ll get over it but doesn’t mean I have to give in. Not yet anyway.
9 comments
“…she goes to yoga once on average every three weeks.”
Go to yoga and spend some time with your wife.
As a side benefit, yoga will be very beneficial for injury prevention, strengthening, and ROM for your own exercise program.
My god dude.
Just go one time. Then tell her you didn’t enjoy it as much but you tried it. You won’t be going again.
Sheesh
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She’s definitely ignoring your protests which annoying but in the grand scheme of things, what’s 1hr of your time? Yoga isn’t my cup of tea either but I have to admit, it does wonders for your joints, stretching, muscles etc. And depending on the type of yoga, it can be quite challenging and muscles you didn’t even know you had will be sore AF.
if you dont like it, then you can tell her you tried it and to stop pushing.
My spouse lifts, but also has inflexibility, and I suggested for him to go to yoga with me because I knew it would improve his stabilization muscles for lifting and flexibility. I know for certain it would be amazing for him, and improve his lifting, but he doesn’t want to go. So eventually I stopped asking. But I am sad that he won’t go with me because I think it would be nice to have quality time together.
So many parallels to my marriage it’s scary. However my wife is an actual yoga instructor. I’ve gone a handful of times but told her it’s just never going to be a priority for me. She definitely has guilt tripped me on it but long story short she asks less about it and I say no without feeling bad.
If you’ve at least tried and it’s not for you then she should respect that. Yes you are entitled to not force yourself into doing something you’re not interested in, and without being badgered by it or feeling guilty. I’m sure you already do other things with her that maybe aren’t your favorite because you care for her and the marriage.
I know a lot of yogis really want to “share” yoga with people for it’s benefits, and that’s understandable and fine, it does have a lot. There are also benefits to golf, weightlifting, track & field, puzzles, knitting, even sitting still stairing at a wall. Are you supposed to do everything just because it has benefits?
I hope you are able to respectfully get your point across and get what you need because I know that feeling and it sucks.
Best of luck.
> Am I not entitled to having the ability to say no and not feel like I have to go to yoga otherwise I’m an insensitive husband?
You are absolutely entitled to say no to doing something you don’t want to do. You have that freedom in the relationship, just as she does. However, it sounds like the yoga situation is a symptom of something bigger. From what else you’ve described, it appears there are other factors in your marriage that are bothering you and it’s manifesting itself in your pushback against yoga. That is the issue that needs to be addressed.
“Who wears the pants”? Good god. Please get couples therapy. This isn’t about yoga, this is about you and your wife being locked into an ugly power struggle.
I don’t agree with going one time, this is a control thing and you get to say no, you have every right to say no. She needs to respect you don’t want to go and stick to saying no. We are adults and we know what we like and what we don’t like, I promise you I will not be bullied into something I don’t want to do.