I’ve only ever had 2 people in my entire life I’ve felt comfortable around, recently I’ve been considering cutting ties with the 2nd person. I don’t know why, I like them but I feel like a burden and like I’ll never be able to talk to anybody. I always feel like anybody who does talk to me feels bad for me and I just can’t do this. I can’t stand any of the people around me I feel alienated but I don’t want to be like them, and anybody I do like I feel like I’m annoying them. Idk what to do I’ve been friendless for the last ten years and now that I’ve had a taste of friendship it feels worse than being lonely.
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I have had those friendships, but luckily I have also had truer, deeper friendships. If you honestly don’t enjoy someone’s company, you’re allowed not to hang out with them. But I wonder if you’re not creating distance because of fear and low self-worth.
I have only had a handful of friends in my life who are still good friends; years apart, and when we meet it’s like old times. It’s really hard to force that, and unfortunately a lot of adults fear intimacy. I have destroyed burgeoning friendships by being too honest – not likely they would have become close, but unfortunate nonetheless.
My husband has two truly close friends, and then several people he’s known forever that he calls friends but with whom there are specific boundaries. Some things you don’t talk about or request. He too feels as if he doesn’t really have friends.
Anyway the secret is finding someone who shares an interest with you. It is a lubricant that makes the getting to know you go well. Then you extend those events. Say you’ve gone hiking a few times and you offer a different activity you’d enjoy. With my husband, we went on walks, bike rides, road trips, to the fair – offering a variety of topics organically to learn about each other. Also, asking someone for help is a great way to make them like you (something small and easy to grant, like, “What’s another great hike I should try?”)
I am NOT an expert, and MOST friendships are situational for me – there’s mutual respect but I am not flying across the country to meet up with everyone. Just be aware TV lies about friendships.