Hey dude, sorry to bother you but I need some advice.
You see, I told my bf that I love him yesterday and his response was, “I really like you and I want good things for you and I feel like I can relate to you but I hate to say that I dont love you….”
And I’m not gonna lie….that felt like a poison dagger running through my heart and I can’t think about it for too long without tearing up.
And it makes me wonder if he is as serious about this as I am. Some people that I talked to said that I should be patient for him to, “get up to speed” with how I feel.
Buuuut at the same time….if we were meant to be….wouldn’t he have already been up to speed with me?
Because if can’t say he loves me after almost three months dating….will he ever?
And then it led to a conversation about expectations and boundaries that we have for each other….which is good because good communication builds trust and trust leads to feeling closer and an overall stronger relationship.
However, he said that he thinks we should “slow down”
And I asked what he meant by that specifically. And he said, ‘idk, I still want to see you but I also got to focus on getting my license and going back to school and I am not sure if that will mean that I will be able to see you as much.”
And I am glad that he is aiming for his goals and I am willing to do whatever it takes to support him. However, the time between us is already limited with our distance and work schedules
What if he ends up deciding that having a girlfriend is too much to juggle while going back to school and getting his license and then decides to end it….
Idk, this is just a lot too process and my head is just spinning.
3 comments
3 months isn’t a lot in my opinion. took me over a year before I truly loved her, when the honeymoon phase was over and I still wanted her more than anything. It wasn’t just a feeling but I could easily think of and bring up points that made me love her, outweighing any negative attributes she had.
A lot of people think they love someone when they’re actually feeling lust towards someone. That’s why things end after the lust dissipates.
Maybe I am older and just very blunt, but boundaries and expectations are discussed right up front, not after three months of dating. What vision do you have for the future (5 years for example)? Him? I think you have this fairytale imagination of how relationships work. You are expecting him to have the same feelings at the same time as you, but it doesn’t work that way. Work on building up the emotional connection through communication, shared experiences, and letting yourself be vulnerable and authentic.
Idk but if my boyfriend said “I don’t love you” then it’s over for me. Your relationship sounds very one sided overall and I don’t see it making you feel happy and loved more than it makes you sad and unappreciated.