Do you care about your friends having other friends who may be more important to them than you are? I feel quite insecure that I am not a close friend for anyone, it hurts. I consider one person as my close friend but he already has loads of other close friends. It hurts when he says I am not a close friend for him, just a good friend. Also he thinks i’m too attached and finds it suffocating at times. What am i supposed to do about it? Also it has been only 2 months since we started talking.
8 comments
I’ve made close friends in less time
[You’re not alone with that thinking](https://imgur.com/a/5HIkKOq)
First, you need to realize you are not going to be a huge priority in other people’s lives. You also need to understand the friendship MUST be desirable by both parties. I get you desire long lasting close friendships from others, which is fine. But ask yourself why they should desire you in the long run ? Remember, people already have other priorities in life besides you. But you can be a person that they still respect. How so ? In general, people subconsciously attach you to the value you bring. So there has to be something about you that people either respect or want. People gravitate towards self confidence and positive vibes. Genuinely connect with people and leave people with overall positive impressions of you. You will stand out. Now, here’s another thing. What are your skills, talents, hobbies, and interests in general ? Do you know if they who could benefit from the things you do ? If so, bring it up and offer to help them. When you directly impact people’s lives, they are more inclined to respect you and keep you around long term.
Another thing. There will be times where your friends are not going to prioritize interacting with you. It is important that you give them space when that happens. Do not chase and beg for their time, attention, approval, validation, or reassurance if they aren’t giving these things to you for whatever reason. That’s needy and desperate behavior. A lot of people lose their friendships because they got a little too needy and clingy for their friends. There are tell tale signs that people pick up on that show you are attached to them such as you texting them way more than they are texting you and then emotionally reacting and confronting them when you don’t get a response back. Remember, you and you friends’ lives are separate, not codependent. You need to be willing to give people space if they aren’t talking to you. The hallmark of good friendships is getting back in touch down the road. Your friends have other things like family, job, and other close by friends. You yourself need to be genuinely busy in your life focusing on your goals and hobbies, while interacting with other people who are closer to you. Chase excellence, not people.
You just accept the facts of the situation. We meet people at different stages in our lives, also use the skills you’ve learned to make other friends. I’m someone who gets far too attached far too easily – the less isolated you are the harder is to get easily attached to someone as you have a number of other people on your mind and here’s the thing – the more friends you do have the easier it gets to make friends.Back off a bit if it seems like they need some space from you though.
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And learn to stand up for your time being your own.
I don’t mind because I also have friends who I consider more important. My significant other is my #1 best friend and no one can really come between us. Otherwise, I hold a sort of looser network that is enough to fulfill me. My non-romantic best friend also has a husband so it’s the same story for her.
There’s nothing wrong with the want to be an important part of someone’s life. Tho, you have to understand that calling you a good friend is a commitment, and upgrading to a close friend requires a deeper commitment. These commitments are almost always self-imposed and vary from person to person. Meaning, you have to be patient with other’s while they navigate thru life. Friendships increase and decrease in terms of communication frequency and riding the waves plus appreciating what you *do* have is incredibly important IMO.
You’re only the main character in your story so you need to prioritize yourself and your feelings. No one can love you if you don’t love yourself and have multiple outlets to have your needs met. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket babes (: Plus bro doesn’t sound like he’s matching your vibe! You need a golden retriever bestie not a flakey parakeet like that!
Bro i literally spent 4 fucking years of college with the small group of friends i have in which 3 are girls and a guy and those 3 girls are each other’s bffs and always exclude me from their plan so it’s just me kinda hanging on to the idea of being friends with them by sending them some text or video over social media platforms
And the guy surely has his work but still on weekends he meets his other close friends from college but never remembers me unless he has some work
So i am out of college now bro and am alone and the close friends i thought I had in college weren’t as close as i thought them to be…..
Life just sucks man…