Curious as me and my partner have different libidos.
I could everyday but I’m happy to go at least 3 times a week.

She just seems disinterested mind and doesn’t initiate. It’s a turn off for me and I’m not sure what to do.

35 comments

  1. I accepted twice a year. For a while. Hope everything would get better, that was the smallest issue. It didn’t. I left.

  2. Once a week is about the minimum I would be happy with long-term. I’ve gone periods of time with less than that though.

  3. I’m in my longest LTR to date right now. My libido ordinarily isn’t the highest, & the relationship isn’t always the happiest, so up until recently I was fine to go weeks at a time without, & having mostly what I’d call “maintenance sex”. Recently though (like in the last couple of months) I’ve had a bit of a libido surge & don’t really like to do it less than once per week. Not sure how much less than that I could tolerate…maybe twice a month would be my breaking point?

  7. I was in a relationship where we didn’t have sex for 2 years – I’d never do that again.

    Guy I’m currently seeing we usually do it 3x a date so around 6x per week. However we’re still only 6m so aware it’s honeymoon stage.

    Whilst not living together – I’d want once every night we see each other.

    If we ended up living together, then twice a week.

    As someone who had a relationship without sex, I know that doesn’t work for me. You end up seeing the person as a friend and over time lose all sexual desire for them, so it’s a lot harder to try kickstart it. I also feel my current partner and I are very intimate, and without sex I think we’d miss out on that part of our relationship which I have with no one else.

  10. Once a week is the bare minimum and has to come with hugs and cuddles and tenderness the other days.

    I admit i am very anxious about the near future as my wife is gonna undergo a surgery that will leave sex off the table for at least 6 weeks, and she is absolutely not inclined to other acts (hj, bj) as she sees them like a chore. We passed through other dry spells before (post births, sickness) but this one is gonna be hard.

  11. (37f) a minimum of once a week. Intimacy, bonding and and pleasure. Ideally more to me its an important part of a healthy relationship

  12. It doesn’t sound like “frequency” really is the issue at heart.

    It sounds like (especially based on some of your comments) her “outlook” on sex is really what you have a problem with.

    Have a serious conversation on why she is disinterested and doesn’t initiate. It’s a hard conversation. Both of you have to be very honest. But, nothing is going to change unless you both have an honest understanding of where the other is coming from.

    EDIT: A lot of people say they could have sex every day. Have you every tried it. It gets to be kind of a chore to be very honest. I have a high libido. I could cum every day (often do). But, to have really honest to goodness sex everyday would be a bit much. Not saying there aren’t people like that who can and do. I am just talking the average person.

    I find it very interesting that many people end up saying around 3 times per week satiates them. That is also our sweet spot as well. But, it also helps that those 3 times are fucking mind blowing 98% of the time.

  14. I’ve not had sex with my partner at all and we’ve been together 9 years. He has ED so that’s why and I don’t like oral so it’s been about a year since we even done anything remotely sexual. We’re both fine with it.

    Sex is super uncomfortable for me.

  15. Ideal is every day, minimum I would accept would be maybe once a week but for some time, like maybe he’s stressed out or stuff like that. Long-term, I don’t think I would be happy with once or even twice a week.

  16. Does she not initiate because she has a responsive libido?

    Is she on hormonal birth control? Any meds?

  17. I’m a very sexually driven woman and I know that when I’ve not been interested it’s been for a few reasons…
    One, if he never touches me or cuddles without wanting to fuck-turn off
    Two, if there are unresolved issues that have caused resentment-turn off
    Lastly-not being sexually satisfied because of a selfish partner-major turn off

  18. Some factors would be at play, like if we’re both super busy with work. Or if he has a lot of girth. Or if we are having marathon sex with multiple orgasms. In those cases, I’d be happy with about 3-4x a week.

    Otherwise, I’d prefer at least 5-6x/week.

  19. I’ve been navigating this for the past year since we just had our first child and my wife is still breastfeeding and her libido isn’t back 100%. For me about once or twice a month was the breaking point, I was surviving there but really not enjoying the lack of intimacy (not just sex, in general she didn’t want or give much affection at all), and no amount of masturbation or porn could stop the unending feeling of wanting to find it somewhere else and the longer it went the worse it got to the point I legitimately felt like I might be developing a porn addiction.

    It’s better now and more like weekly or twice a week. I’d still rather it be more but I can live with this. At one point when we were discussing the lack of sex(months ago when it was once or twice a month) she pointed out that one of her friends had just recently broken a nearly year long dry spell with her husband, and another hadn’t had sex since their almost 3 year old was born. I don’t think I could survive that.

    That said, part of the problem was that before birth my wife and I were having sex almost daily to some degree between pregnancy and all the hormones and trying to get pregnant. Not necessarily intercourse daily but some form of sex every day or two and she couldn’t stay off of me for well over a year and of course the sex was even better than it had ever been before because we weren’t worried about condoms or avoiding pregnancy for once in our lives. My libido still seems to be back there where it was a year and a half ago before the baby got here and nothing seems to have slowed it down, which is pretty rough when my wife’s body has spent the last year doing everything it can to slow hers down.

  20. 2-3 times a week after the honeymoon stage has worn off and before kids are in the picture. Ive heard horror stories of couples dropping to once a month and less when raising young children just because they tire you out so much. That being said even after kids I would hope me and my partner could manage once a week worst case scenario.

  21. I could do everyday easily, but my partner has a much lower sex drive at least right now mostly because of depression. I think once a month is the least amount I would tolerate so I can empathize with their current state because I still have needs. Preferably it would at least be once a week though if we can make that work.

  22. It’s not so much about the amount of sex as my partner making me feel sexy. Idk.

    >I try not to touch her anymore because I feel like too much of a pest.

    🙁

  24. She doesn’t like you that much. If you are not sure to believe me, just don’t engage in sex and let her lust for your dick.

  25. This is going to vary from person to person and life stage. When I was at a stage in my life where I was being told my body was sinful I neglected my relationship with my body and as a result was not very interested in sex… but as I healed and returned to my original beliefs my natural drive returned as well, along with an amazing, ready and willing partner who puts my pleasure first.

    But it sounds like the heart of the issue OP is you don’t feel desired by your partner. That’s how you would have to approach her about it and collaborate to find a solution.

  27. There was a survey among men of age 30+ years some time ago where they were asked: Would you take 1 Million Dollars, but on the flip side, are never allowed to have sex again?

    Most actually said, they‘d take the million dollars.

  28. It will only get worse. Have an open honest conversation. If she b won’t change move on.

  29. Depends how continuous and how good the sex is, once per week of very good and passionate us better than 2/3 of duty sex IMO

  30. Being in LDR, I can go without for a while but when together that’s all I want lol. I can do with very little, it’s the lack of intimacy on top of it that I can’t accept after a while.

  31. 30s F.. once a week at the minimum would be my limit, whether I’m living with a partner or not. I’ve had a relationship where we fucked like bunnies and a relationship where the sex disappeared completely. The latter was not fun and I felt sexually starved after a while. And my libido only seems to increase with age.

    Sexual compatibility is crucial for me.. in both feeling happy and satisfied but also feeling connected emotionally to my partner. I sometimes have moments where my libido drops, especially if I’m under high stress. But can’t imagine dating someone again where we would go longer than a week.

  32. Ideally for me 4-5 times a week.

    Minimum would probably be once a week.

    Never had the issue as an adult tho.

  33. I’d like at least once a week but if there is a good reason she’s not in the mood, I can rub one out every once in awhile.

  34. I could be happy with a couple times a week, wife is happy a couple times a year, since it takes two to tango we do it a couple times a year. In 20 years there have been a few times we have had an active sex life but for 90 percent of the relationship its been a deadbedroom and I don’t see it ever really changing.

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