Hi,
My fiancé (M32) and I (F29) have been engaged for 6mo. When we first started dating we were pretty intimate and sexual. My past relationships have been intimate as well. After a year of dating our sex life went down hill. Now we barely have sex and I can’t even remember the last time we did. We live together. I know for a fact that my fiancé was very sexual in his other relationships. Every time I bring this up he always says it isn’t me but him. Doesn’t seem like he’s trying to work on himself to change things or figure it out. Not being intimate makes me feel insecure. Can’t help but wonder if he’s getting pleased in other ways that he doesn’t like to with me. Not saying he’s cheating but idk. He talks about attractive girls and follows insta influencers so I know he’s finds woman attractive. But I just don’t know why he doesn’t want to be intimate with me. Every time I initiate he’s too tired or says he needs to wake up early. But throughout the day he’ll randomly touch me almost like he makes me wanna know I am wanted but just does it for show since nothing comes of it. He’s super nice and my family/ friends love him and so do I but idk if I’ll ever be truly happy without the intimacy. I don’t know what to do. I’ve brought up couples therapists but he makes it seem like it’s something I need bc I have history of abuse. I’m working on myself and I do think he needs to work on himself too since a relationship isn’t one sided. I don’t know what other steps I can take to savage this relationship.
1 comment
To a point, after the initial newness wears off, couples often have less sex. However, in your fiance’s case he may be having issues. Stress, psychological problems, maybe even something like depression.
I advise you to sit him down for a heart-to-heart talk.
You need to tell him directly that physical intimacy is an important part of a relationship for you. Point out how it has been a while and he’s always too tired or whatever for sex when you initiate. You may also want to point out that this could end your relationship if he doesn’t start being intimate again. Avoid dropping an ultimatum.
Then let him explain himself. Maybe he needs to seek professional help in some fashion. Maybe he is having some other issue. Who knows? Not you. Not unless he talks to you about it.
Communication is key to successful relationships.