PS: English is not my first language, sorry in advance for mistakes
I‘ll talk about two problems, first one is a specific problem thats currently happening, the second is in general
1- I (25M) am currently a student at a university, during Covid it was so hard to meet people and go out in my country so I decided for almost two years to stay at home and do everything from home. The number of time I went out during this time were countable.
After that the university opened for on-site study and I decided that I had to change my life-style, so I tried to find new friends and I was lucky to find some people that I thought they were great and our friendship will last long enough. They were almost individual people (alone or friends of 2) and I brought them together and we went out and had fun for 5-6 months and I was really close to almost everyone(I had other groups of friends but this one was special). There was also that one girl from group and we were bestfriends. I knew her a while before everyone else.
I then went for an abroad semester for 4 months. until end of June.
The contact with them was pretty much dead cause I didnt have much time and they almost never tried to.
After I came back, I was surprised to see that they almost moved on and no one considers me a close friend or even a regular friend anymore.
‚as students we have a library that many people go there to study so we see each other regularly anyway‘
They even had the audacity to do a chat room on WhatsApp. They always talk with each other in front of me about things they said earlier in the chat room and they laugh about it like I have never existed and I sit there hearing things without understanding and they dont even consider me sitting there or maybe explain so I can join the conversation. They could plan of going out without me knowing at all and they dont care. I cant say they are being mean while talking to me, we can talk and laugh and spend few hours in the library together, but when it comes to include me to the friend group, here is the problem. Even my bestfriend is not anymore. I see now that if she has something on mind she goes to someone else.
At the beginning I thought maybe because I went away and there was less intimate friendship. So I tried to reconnect with them and I was always the conversation starter with everyone, I even tried with my bestfriend to reconnect feelings and let her know that Im there for her anytime she wants but that didnt help. I tried everything to the point that Im tired of trying after two months and Im convinced that they decided to exclude me even though I’m absolutely sure I didnt do anything wrong to deserve be treated that way. Whats really eating me up inside is that I am the one who introduced everyone to each other and did this group of friends. Of course the situation is similar with other go-out groups but at least I know that I was only a part of them and not really close with the people inside.
The abroad Semester was great but I have come to conclusion that these 4 months were the reason for my bad social situation right now.
Who can help me and give me some advice??
2- In general situation I feel like I keep destroying all my relationships, and I don‘t know what to do. I feel lonely; and I think I kinda deserved it. I just don‘t feel good enough for anyone. I feel like people lose interest very fast (friends or romantic). I feel like I have lack of social skills and poor communication skills, I cant be sure cause whenever I have the courage to ask someone about the reason of losing interest they deny it and never give me an answer, so maybe its just a feeling and relationships are different in my mind than actual life.
I really need help cause its affecting my life in every way, if you have any advice Im looking forward hearing them.
TL;DR – My friends (bestfriend included) excluded me after going for abroad Semester and returning back and I cant find the reason cause Im sure I never did anything wrong and cant seem to reconnect even after multiple tries, I feel also that I have poor communication skills and need some advice
1 comment
These people obviously don‘t care as much about you as you care about them. I know the feeling man, it stings. But any energy invested into becoming friends with them again is lost energy. Do you really want to be friends with people who do you like this? If you‘d searched for new friends these past two months you‘d probably already have some. You don‘t need these people man.