I female started seeing a new guy roughly 8 weeks ago. Previous to this I had a casual relationship with another guy who I knew was sleeping with multiple other women. When I started seeing the new guy I stopped seeing the other guy. I done a STI test when I first started seeing the new guy and it came back negative. 6 weeks in the guy I had a casual relationship with text me to say he had gonorrhoea, at the time I had just started to have symptoms which I thought was a UTI. I told him my previous test was negative but as I done it earlier than two weeks it may be a false negative. I done a new test and it came back positive. I was so upset as I thought I had done the sensible thing by testing when I first met this new guy, I hadn’t realised about the time frame with from being infected to the test showing up positive. I explained all of this to the new guy and originally he was really understanding. I got the treatment and now I’m negative and the new guy done a test and he was negative. But when he was carrying out the test he had a massive change of heart and now he doesn’t want to talk for a month to try and sort his head out and decide what he wants. I asked him if he wants to end things if he could tell me now and he just ignored my message. I don’t know whether I should except it’s over or hold out hope. I have exams coming up and I’m extremely stressed and emotional. I feel terrible putting him in this position but I was honest from the start about the whole situation. Can anyone offer any advice?
10 comments
It’s over, move on
You did the right thing. I would personally focus on your tests for now and see what happens.
You don’t really say but this is one of the reasons to use condoms at the start of a relationship, and when with someone who has multiple partners.
This may be something that he can’t get over, and if so you’ll have to respect that. It can be a wake up call. I do not engage in unprotected sexual activity unless I am in a monogamous relationship and we’ve both been tested prior. Luckily your sti is easily treatable, you can learn the lesson and move on. Use condoms.
Side note- It’s likely his is a false positive too because of timing. I suggest retesting him before engaging in sexual activity to avoid reinfection.
You did the right thing about being honest and telling him about the STI and tests. He might genuinely be taking time to figure out his feelings. Since you have a test coming up, focus on that and he would have figure out what’s going on with him. Pretend it’s over and if he comes back, take it as a positive surprise
Sounds like he had symptoms before you did…..
You asked him if he wanted to end it and he didn’t answer.
That’s ur answer.
At this point, you might as well take his word about giving him space to sort everything out while you focus on your exams. If you do reach out, be apologetic about what happened. Hopefully he isn’t thinking you’ve been seeing someone else.
But yeah, STD infections have a window period before they show up positive on a test. Usually one month after your last partner should catch most of them, although HIV could take up to 3 months depending on the test used. That was likely why your test when you first started seeing the new guy came back negative. The only solution is to keep using condoms and re-test when the window is up.
Focus on your exams, they are the priority here, not this relationship. Give him space. If he comes back you, you can work things out. If he doesn’t, then it was never meant to be.
Think about your future, not this guy, because even if you get back together, it doesn’t mean the relationship will last.
Move on. His loss. Honest mistake. You did the right thing. Bury it and move on. Good luck