How do you convince yourself you’re lovable and deserve it?

32 comments

  1. I am a unique idea that the universe had. Before I, there was a specific question that only I could satisfy. I am that answer.

    I am an ancestral prayer.
    Before my soul came I was wanted and needed by All That Is. I could never not be enough.

  3. I haven’t. But I try not to disrespect my wife’s love for me by degrading myself outwardly. Working on the inward part, too.

  6. I go the other direction

    I’m unlovable but I can have the satisfaction of ruining people’s days

  7. I believe it because it’s true! Stop knowing yourself through other people. There’s only one person who knows everything about you. You.

  8. Its something that stays with you once you have it.
    Before that i knew that i wasnt à bad person. So why cant i be lovable ? If i dont think i am then theres something wrong, maybe i dont give myself the opportunity to feel loved. That meant either getting new love, or have a better appreciation for the love that i had.
    Its like a muscle, you have to reinforce it. Its not gonna be strong in an instant, but you’ll get there, once you did however it never leave you.

  9. Positive affirmations, start there. Even if you don’t believe it to begin with, say nice things about yourself, to yourself. Every day.
    Start taking pride in your appearance, shower daily, get a haircut, shave/style your facial hair, use aftershave. Doing this will make saying nice things about yourself easier, which will make saying them regularly easier.
    Once you start feeling just that little bit better about yourself, think about taking care of your physique. Just go for a walk, 15 minutes. Nothing big.
    Start doing push ups, again nothing huge. Do 10 push ups twice a day. When that gets easier, bump it up to 3 times a day. Hey, look at that, your 15 minute walk is 30 now.
    Eventually, you’ll start feeling better about yourself. You’ll believe yourself when you say you’re loved and deserve love. And other people will believe it too.

    All of this works, I’m living proof. I’m not a life coach or fitness guru. I’ve still got weight to lose and things in my life to sort out. But I am happy, I am loved. And I want to help everyone I can feel as good as I do.

    You can do it, start small and it will work.

    Edit: Cheers for the award, I’ve been away from Reddit for a little while and have noticed there’s not a lot of thanking for awards anymore. Is it not a thing? I’m still going to say thanks.

  10. If you need to “convince yourself” (I call that rationalizing), -perhaps you are not “lovable and deserve it”.

  11. I don’t think you deserve to be loved, I don’t think anyone deserves to be loved. You aren’t entitled to something someone else has to do (unless they committed in some form, of course). What you do deserve is the ability/opurtunities to work on yourself enough to actually be worth loving.

  12. I look in the mirror and I tell myself that I’m good enough and I’m smart enough and gosh darn it people like me

  13. After I discovered the Practice of Mindfulness whenever the thoughts that I’m not lovable come into my head, I just let them drift off as quickly as they came.

  15. Sing “it’s hard to be humble” several times a day. Basically a big affirmation song even though it’s over the top.

  17. Don’t bother, you will never be able to. Just stop caring about being loveable.

  18. *Be* loveable and deserve it.

    It goes for all of our goals in life: if you want something, be the person who is deserving of it.

  19. I asked my coworker the same question. Usually stemming from a spouse not being as interested in you as he/she once was. He said he reminds himself that he is worth it and knows inside that he isn’t a loser.

    Basically it is positive affirmations and believing in yourself. If you think there is a problem with you, work on what you can control. Confidence is a big thing, and really you build it through accomplishments. Facing your fears, big and small.

    We all have low days, but again, it comes back to how you speak to yourself in your own mind. Always ask yourself why. Why do you feel this way? Why do you care what he/she thinks? Why?

  20. Lots and lots of therapy. Then I met a woman who has made me feel loved more than ever before. It’s still a struggle though, I find myself thinking that she’s way too good for me all the time.

  23. I practice loving kindness meditation, and cultivate generating goodwill towards myself

  24. This actually brings up an interesting question? What makes someone deserving of love?

    In order to convince ourselves that we are, we have to first know what it takes to be deserving of love and then convince ourselves that we meet that criteria.

  26. I didn’t convince myself that I am, I came to believe that most people are as long as they are trying their best to be a decent person.
    Do you believe if of others? Are you trying to be that which you think deserves love? If so, I think it should be a natural conclusion from there.

  27. I think that the default position for all living things is that they deserve love, respect, and autonomy. What have you done to lose that?

  29. By telling myself that “I shouldn’t deny myself the **opportunity** to be happy by listening to those negative thoughts and stopping the happiness before it even has a chance to “be”.

    I’ve just summarized it down to “don’t deny yourself the opportunity to be happy”

  30. Self talk is a powerful tool. We’ve probably heard a lot of external forces telling us how to feel/think and internalize those into thinking we aren’t worth x,y,z.

    You need to start from that self talk. Learn to say it aloud.
    Write it down.
    Really think hard about it and see how thinking in a positive way would make you feel.

    Rinse and repeat daily.

    And one day, maybe years from when you started. You’ll look back and think how silly it was to think you dont deserve x,y and z

  31. Start by questioning everything.

    First with: How did I become convinced that I’m not lovable, and undeserving of love?

    I was brought into this world as an unfiltered vessel of love, it would seem to restrict that love to myself, so at some point I must have adopted a self-limiting belief.

    By questioning that belief, I realise that it was a combination of experiences that I had held on to, and defined my life, my being by.

    It’s only one you can address the belief that you’re unlovable, that you can begin to really feel loved.

    That’s my view on it.

  32. Imagine a good friend is telling you they aren’t lovable and don’t deserve love. What would you think about that and what would you tell that person? You aren’t much different from that person.

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