Earlier this week I was taking my wife out to dinner to a restaurant on a busy main street. My wife pointed out a parking spot, so I put my blinker on and held up traffic a bit to get parked. The guy behind me was riding my ass and drove around me and took the time to say “fuck you” as he drove by. Out of reflex
, and maybe stupidly, I returned the fuck you right back.
The dude took the time to double park his car, got out, and aggressively walked towards me screaming “fuck me? Fuck me?”. I told my wife to stay in the car so I can take care of the situation. The guy was super angry, and started to press me and even put his hands up to swing at me. I was ready for whatever was coming but at the same time did not want to fight. I kept pushing the dude off me to create space, he was bigger, maybe 50lbs heavier, and was ready to throw down in public where people were having dinner and cars driving by.
At the end, I kept walking back and even flinched a bit when he attempted to swing at me. It seemed like he was waiting for me to swing first or just be intimidating and kept calling me a pussy in the process. I don’t even remember the last time I fought someone, maybe high school? (I’m 32 now) and I didn’t want to fight not only for my safety, but I kept thinking of my wife who was scared. But I can’t get out of my head that I could’ve handled the situation better and keep feeling down afterward because I didn’t want to show my wife that I was weak. The guy ended up walking away some a bystander was walking towards us to step in and he realized I wasn’t going to do anything.
So my question is, in a situation like this what do you do when someone tries to fight you?
32 comments
The best way to win a fight is never to get involve in the first place.
If I was going to get into a fight I would put my pencil case away, ask the person if we could do it after nap time and head to the carpeted section of the kindergarten room because I would have to be 4 years old., grown up’s don’t get into fist fights. That someone has the energy to park their car and accost you says more about them than you.
You should carry pepper spray for such occasions. He was the initiator in everything you’re describing, from the insult to confronting you physically. People have been killed for less and he’s lucky you aren’t a lunatic.
Hit me and you end up on your ass. Until that point I ignore you completely.
In my situation, I work really hard to avoid conflict. Only because I have been in a lot of fights, and have years of fighting. From reading your story, you did it right. Especially since you are responsible for protecting her. You should have stayed in your car and called the police, or at least ignored him. I have been in similar situations like this with my wife, she knows to stand back, and be away from the chaos. Be glad she stayed in the car. If you can’t fight, you shouldn’t. Don’t be down on yourself. Also, stop talking about it. Time to move on.
Not real popular, but if you want to avoid the fight, just start undressing. No guy wants to fight a guy naked.
I’d have winked and said “yeah.. fuck you. Big boy.” Then laugh when he fucked right off.
I carry bear spray. Knowing that you can end any encounter at will makes you a let less reactive.
Ok so coming from someone that doesn’t back down I gotta say that sometimes you just need to know when to walk away. Especially if you’re out with your wife and you’re just trying to have a good time and if he didn’t even do anything. And if she’s your wife than she’s not going to think any less of you, so don’t beat yourself up over it.
I just make sure that there are witnesses watching and that I dont throw the first punch. Either I’m gonna want to sue him later, or I’m going to want to lean hard on a self defence plea, or both.
Uh, I get in fights all the time. But in my personal life I’m not getting out of my car to fight you. I might run you over if you actually threaten me or my family though. But next time either just sit in your car and call the police. Also record their license plate. If they hit your window or damage your property just drive away, over them if you have to.
You get out to fight somebody you’ll be charged with assault as well.
So basically I don’t fight people. And I’ll avoid it. Maybe they’ll think I’m a bitch, but I’m not going to jail or being sued, let alone actually get hurt if they are better at fighting or better armed than me.
But push come to shove I’ll just shoot them. I retired as a cop and can still carry in every state
Deescalate, disengage, and ignore if possible. If that doesn’t work, I pepper spray until the can is empty if I have to. If that doesn’t work, gun. I don’t play little boy games. My rights get respected, or we do it by the book.
POCKET SAND!
Start carrying a small cartridge of pepper spray.
Its bad enough alone, but when you have your wife and goodness forbid children with you, it can help protect you or them from injury.
Don’t tell them you have it. If they get too close, one or two quick sprays and retreat and get away.
Who the hell tries to fight someone like that these days? I don’t know about where you live OP, but it would be pretty safe to assume that most people are packing where I live.
Isn’t it interesting how the people who were so concerned about their travel time are suddenly able to completely stop their trip to have confrontations like these?
Maybe it’s more of a control thing for them.
Sorry you had this experience, OP. Hopefully, it didn’t ruin your date night.
My uncle told me once that when it comes to shit like this, you either do something or you don’t, but after it’s all said and done just let it go because you can’t change it now.
You win some and you lose some, I doubt your wife thinks you’re a pussy.
That guy is a huge asshole, if it makes you feel better, his kind of behavior pretty much guarantees that he’s gonna catch an ass beating one day or get locked up in the future.
I’m a relatively big guy so when someone starts to do that I just stand tall and speak from the chest. They usually back off. If not, then, as men sometimes have to do, we’re gonna fight or if he decides to produce a weapon, I’m drawing my gun because I’m not about to get clubbed or stabbed by some crazy guy with anger issues and usually just drawing it is enough to get somebody to fuck off.
Throw the first punch and don’t stop, follow up is key. If you grapple go for the eyes, bite and latch on. Anything is a weapon aim for the face and groin and don’t back down.
You did the right thing tbh. It’s not worth fighting over something so trivial tbh and you’re not weak for not engaging in a fight with some random angry guy over some road rage.
Many people don’t seem to realize just how quickly a fight can go south. You don’t know this guy, you don’t know if he’s mentally stable, you don’t know if he’s got a knife or a gun in his pocket and is itching for an excuse to use it.
Fighting should be an absolute last resort when you have NO other choices imo.
A lot of people say dumb shit like “walk away” “just don’t say nothing” blah blah blah. That’s hard to do, and as a man, it’s hard to. Hell a lot of time you can’t even walk away.
I’d rather avoid fighting some nut and going to jail and ruining my evening. But in that situation I would just stand my ground, probably talk shit, but not swing first. Is that the best thing to do? Probably not, probably best to just walk away. But when a situation like that happens you usually act on instinct.
Incase of future conflicts I would suggest conceal carrying or carrying a gun in your car. Depending on the laws in your state. You could of stayed in your car, if he started hitting your car you could possibly feel like you and your wife are in danger and use/brandish your firearm.
First, I don’t escalate. I let people be assholes and move on with my day.
Second, I keep very strong situational awareness. You lost your cool because the guy surprised you. Avoid getting surprised so you can maintain self-control.
Third, every dude that is looking for a fight is really looking for something, some release. That guy was looking for someone to blame about why his day was going poorly- and you presented yourself. Let that guy have the easy win: apologize, ask him if he wants the parking spot, ask him if he needs some help.
Also, tell onlookers to go away. Send your wife inside. Lower the temperature by reducing the audience. Make it just you and him- which sounds dangerous, but isn’t. He’s so much more likely to de-escalate without bystanders.
By being aware, not trying to win, refusing to respond to his agression, and letting him win without violence, this stuff stops being an event.
Some bigger dude was being a dick at a bar in NYC one night, pushing into my female friend over and over because he didn’t care that someone else was near him at the bar. After we argued he kept getting in my face telling me to do something and calling me a pussy. I just told him that I was gonna wait for him to leave the bar, and follow him. That he’d never see me coming. He disappeared shortly after that. We all still make fun of that douche.
Sounds like you did fine to me. You backed away, didn’t get hit, and everyone made it safely home.
Just shoot his head off by the revolver and leave the scene behind. It’s going to be self-defense.
Whenever I see grown ass men fighting I wonder what they’re missing in their life that would make them act like children.
Just play defense until they get tired. Then go ham
Aside from trying to avoid escalating things any further, I’d stay in the vehicle. Or if you’re already out of the vehicle and are close enough to a crowd or the restaurant, go there while constantly keeping an eye on the guy. If he’s going to try and take a swing at you, it’s best to have witnesses and possibly assistance from people watching this go down.
Beyond that, if fighting seems unavoidable, I’d tell the guy we’re both about to die. I’ve made my peace with dying, and if he’s ready to join me in hell, we can go together. After that, at least one of us is going to die.
Learn to fight. It is absolutely worth it for the peace of mind it will give you. It will teach your reptile brain to not fear a fight.
Once you don’t fear violence, it become much easier to avoid. You can calmly de-escalate 95% of all fights.
Always swing first. Most aggressors are just bullies trying to intimidate with words. They’re always surprised by the quick left uppercut followed by a right cross. I usually like to add a couple of kicks to the ribs when they go down, but my lawyer frowns upon going to that level of violence.
“At the end, I kept walking back and even flinched a bit when he
attempted to swing at me. It seemed like he was waiting for me to swing
first or just be intimidating and kept calling me a pussy in the
process.”
Those are usually the least experienced. These people just trying to make a public show to intimidate. Get in some training and you will see quickly the most capable do everything in their power to avoid this stuff—-not go looking for it.
Usually I just stand there nodding and smiling and repeating ‘yup, whatever you say.’
It pisses them off, but they know they’re going to be the bad guy if they start shit.
The last guy who actually decided to make a go of it got both a kicking and a conviction for assault. I did get a bloody nose, though.