Before anything happened, I told him that I don’t want to have sex with him for a week unless he uses a condom. He said okay, but eventually started making advances towards me to have sex without one. I told him we shouldn’t and that I don’t want to risk it. Then he said he was going to take me now and shoved it inside and we had sex, but I never said no. I feel upset and weird after this, like he didn’t respect me and just wanted to use me. He apologized the next day but that was only right before we had sex again, and he asked if I still wanted to use a condom. I feel like I can’t feel this way because I could have said no or made him stop, but it still feels wrong and disgusting.
7 comments
That’s rape
So that was rape, you did not consent to him doing that and the consequences for that are really steep. Please get yourself checked out for several reasons and never see him again.
And maybe see a lawyer, this guy needs to be put away.
This is not be blaming you are anything, I’m sorry you feel this way.
But in the future, if ever you are in similar situations, remember to be firm in saying no, if he doesn’t listen. Yell, if that does not do it, fight back all you can, nails, teeth, arms and legs. Do all that you can to get a away. And remember to go straight to the police so they can take your statement and samples, that’s why you scratch him so you get his DNA as proof
I feel like people on this forum are quick to say “that was rape” when that’s not even the support that the person is asking for.
OP correct me if I’m wrong, but the way I understood it is you like this guy and want to address it with him. I feel like in that case you should have the conversation with him that it shouldn’t be on you to have Herculean will power in the moment when you made it very clear to him that you didn’t want to do something. He pressed and pressed until he got what he wanted and unfortunately that it what many guys learn. It’s super problematic and if you want to continue seeing this guy, he needs to understand that. It shouldn’t be about you stopping him, it should be about you giving enthusiastic consent. Depending on how he deals with the convo, you might need to cut things off. You didn’t say ages but this is unfortunately common for men in their early 20s. It’s unacceptable for all ages but if he’s is his 30s I’d probably just say move on.
Don’t deal with desperate guys?
Then open your mouth and have a conversation. Set a boundary if that’s what you want. If he breaks it, get a new partner that respects your boundaries.
OP, I’m sorry that this happened. It was rape, and even if he kept pushing you until you changed your mind – that would still be coercion. Not consent.
He didn’t do this because of anything you did or didn’t do, even if you did say no it sounds like he wouldn’t have accepted that as an answer.
You deserve better.