Next month I am 29 years old. As a man I always found it hard to share my feeling and make commitments. Going to my girlfriends parents house and asking for their blessing, buying a ring, admitting to her that I loved her and asking her to marry me was hard. Even harder when she left with her rich friend before insensitively calling me obese, Poor and without a future. She left for money but she made sure to hurt me before she left. Its been four years and I’ve been insecure. I always look back. To that moment and just want to drink the thoughts away. I don’t trust my emotions or feelings anymore. I don’t date or think anyone will love me. I eat in anxiety, I don’t sleep in stress. I’m just a mere shadow of the person I once was. I fear for rejection from women thinking they may also see me as fat, ugly, poor and undatable. I fear every form of rejection from women. I never blame women but I do blame my self for being insecure. When a man’s trust is shattered, it’s hard to move on. Even harder to think she moved on so quickly after several years together. She simply got married and lives a perfectly happy life while mine just turned for the worst. Worst of all, even as I block her everywhere she still tries to rub her happiness in my face. She harnessed me even when I left the country.
It has been 4 years, and I’m tired of letting this affect me. I’m tired of feeling sorry for myself and I’m tired of being so unmotivated and insecure. I want to be able to meet a beautiful women and have the guts to start a conversation. I want to be happy and stop envying every happy couple I know. I want to stop worrying every time I am rejected. I want to feel comfortable with who I am and With what I got.
Tomorrow morning starts a new day with a new mind set. Four years of mental hell will end. 6am I will go to the gym and work the hardest I’ve ever worked. 5 days a week, I will remember her face. I will remember her words. I will remember the ring. Every push up, every mile, I will take out my frustration in sweat. I will do this until I stop hating myself. No one will ever hurt me again. Ever. I will earn my self respect back, and I will do it for myself. I finally have the guts to stop loving you and try to love myself. Four years late but I can finally say, Fuck you.
1 comment
Think if it like this .. she cheated on you for someone else and in your words, for shallow reasons (depending on what she meant by “no future”). What’s going to stop her from doing it again?
Well done on having this mindset going forward. Many people want to move on but don’t want to do the work. You’re only self sabotaging yourself if you keep yourself in that vicious cycle.
Let her rub it in your face man. Honestly, if you’ve told her to leave you alone yet she continued it, take it up with the authorities if need be.
One thing I would suggest is to not use her as motivation. Imo, even negative emotions still means you’re emotionally invested in that person. Does it mean you’ve truly moved on? You want to do all of this to improve your circumstances, not to show her.
Acceptance and being at peace is the true way to move on. Accept what happened has happened and use that experience to understand any symptoms earlier on in the next relationship you have.
All the best to you bro.