I’m confused about a girl (20M)

I will start by giving some context about my dating life which will be relevant later.
I never dated a girl nor was/is in a relationship mostly because of not knowing what to do coupled with a bit of shyness I guess.

Two years ago, there was a girl in my class that I considered a friend but she, well, wasn’t really thinking the same thing.
She told me months after a period during which we talked a lot that she was interested in me and had placed hints everywhere about it in messages, talks, maneurisms and all but I never really get these.
After the facts, I reread the messages and indeed they were there… At the time I thought it was just jokes or her being kind I guess.
I was shocked because it was the first time a girl was interested in me or at least that I know of because she straight up told me.
I felt and still feel guilty about it and I apoligized but she doesn’t want to talk to me anymore/ghost me.

One and a half year ago, I invited some friends (that I know almost since their birth but that I don’t see much because we all live far away from each other) to spend the weekend at home.
At the last moment, one of my girl friend ask me if she could bring one of her friend (which I never met nor knew of previously) with her because they had something planned after the weekend.
I saw no problem with that and agreed.

So they all arrived and the unknown friend, we shall call her J (18F), introduced herself.
My first reaction was… well kind of awkward because she was just so beautiful I was litteraly speechless.
Kind of stupid right?

So we all spent the weekend together. It was a lot of fun. It was summer so we all went outside at night and decided to go on the roof of some abandoned building in my town to see the stars because of a clear sky.
We all put turn to turn musics we like to fit the mood, it was great.
During this weekend me and J started to know each other better and discovered that we had a lot in common.

It’s during this weekend that I think the crush on her began.

Then the friends and her left.

For months we continued talking by messages and one thing she said to me that I will remember was “but where do you come from? :)” in a positive/happy/shocked tone after we talked about all the things we like and do.

4 months later, friends and I planned to see each others for one week. So I decided to ask J if she would like to come and I honestly didn’t expected anything.
She was super excited about it and gladly accepted.
I was thrilled.
The week went smoothly but I noticed that sometimes, we were both kind of (gently?) awkward around each other.

She and I then returned to our daily life in different cities and still talk quite frequently for months.

We met irl for the first time in nine months after the vacation week for the common friend’s birthday.
Since J’s birthday was a month before that, I decided to draw something for her because she made one for mine and give it to her there.
She packed her drawing in a little box alongside one of her t-shirt with something she painted on it (to small for me lol) and posters.
She had written on the little box my name with a heart next to it.

Again I could feel this kind of tension but it wasn’t a bad thing. I was happy and she was too.
We exchanged the gifts and then returned with others.

We then returned to our daily life (again).
The same night she sent me a text saying she was happy to see me after such a long time which I replied the same. We then talked about our gifts and all.

Three months later (one month ago) I broke one of my bones because of some stupid shit which I won’t elaborate here.
I had to be operated in the city where she lives because better hospital.
I talked to her about it and she said she would come visit me at the hospital as soon as she get back from her vacation hundreds of km away.
She said she wanted to buy food for me and that I could ask her anything I wanted to eat.

I was really happy to see her because all of this bone and hospital stuff really took my moral away.
Unfortunately, doctors said I had to go home one day before she could get back.
We were both disappointed.

Two weeks ago, I received a letter in my mailbox with a milk bottle drawn on it.
I didn’t know what it was.
It was her sending me her support by true handwriting “because why not” she wrote.
She put stickers on it and little drawings.
It made me really happy and once again boosted my down-to-the-ground moral.

And here I am today.

TL;DR:
I am very bad at getting hints and am afraid to misintepret them.
I also don’t know what to do.
So is she just being kind and friendly or is it something else, I can’t say at this point…

Thanks if you read it all, I apologize for the length. I never expected this to be this long 🙂

PS: (I know my english isn’t perfect!)