Massive struggle of mine. I just graduated University and I am looking toward changing cities and getting a high paying job. I recently lost my job because the company was downsizing. I don’t have my own place yet, and am not really where I want to be, but I know where I want to be and will eventually get there. That said, I find that I don’t allow myself to enjoy life, because I don’t feel like I deserve it, because I am not where I want to be. I won’t date women because I am not where I want to be, I won’t experience things fully because do I deserve to enjoy this thing, when I don’t have a job, my own place?
I am convinced that it will all change when I get that job, and get that place and get to where I want to be. Is this a trap?
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Complacency and happiness are two different things. You can be ambitious but still allow yourself to enjoy day to day moments if they don’t detract from your long term goals. Besides, all the money in the world can’t turn back time to try to reclaim time lost
Depends on where you’re moving to
You should try to be content always
happiness isn’t a destination, nor is it permanent.
Kurt Vonnegut put it nicely;
“ I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, ‘If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.”
When I was broke and living in my car, every few days I’d have the time and the cash to go and get a cup of coffee at a cute little coffee shop.
I’d put on clean clothes and bring a book. Nobody there knew I was broke, nobody there knew I woke up in a Best Buy parking lot.
And for just an hour or 2 everything was totally cool and good.
I wasn’t happy, I wasn’t where I wanted to be in life, but I had a book and a cup of coffee and clean clothes on. And for a little while each week I got to feel like everything was just fine.
If you don’t enjoy yourself you’ll ultimately negatively impact your life. I did this trying to focus on school and building a career and I became miserable. Enjoy yourself. Life is short. As long as you’re actively working towards where you need to be there’s nothing wrong with having some fun. You’ll get there when you get there.
Happiness is fleeting. Take it and enjoy it when you can, but don’t let it stifle your ambition…because it’s fleeting.
I get the impression that you have an endgame “this is me” scenario. Sadly, that’s not how it works. We’re all bumbling our way through life, and if you avoid experiences because you’re not “ready”, you’ll miss them completely.
Building yourself takes time. Be patient and consistent, it will happen.
I’m not working towards anything, and I’m very happy, thankyouverymuch.
You don’t date because what?! Do you not have friends? I don’t understand. Dating is just making a sexy friend
I’m in the same boat sort of. Had a spine injury 6 years ago where the only answer was non surgical, which meant buckling down and doing a fuck load of physio that will most likely never end as long as I’m alive. I’ve been busting my ass and making all healthy changes in my life and ignoring everything else minus my hobbies that I use as stress relief and enjoyment in my spare time. I’m finally at a point where I can do a couple hours a week of work, and I’m ecstatic because finally 6 years of hard work is starting to pay off and I’m on my way to getting into a new career path. I didn’t date for the last 3 years, I didn’t buy anything exciting, and I lived at home with my folks the whole time. It wasn’t about me not deserving it, even though I felt that same way sometimes, it was more I’m focused and have my eye on the prize, and didn’t want anything or anyone else getting in the way or holding me back. I want that career and I want my independence, that’s all I need and all I’m working for now.
I’m just personally progressing my way up the career ladder rn, that’s kinda my goal. Along with a girl I’ve started talking to.
So with those 2 things despite them putting A LOT of stress on me, I’m enjoying them so much so far that I’m probably the happiest I’ve ever been rn despite having to think way harder.
EDIT: And dude, I was exactly where u were this time last year. I had loads of issues with anxiety/depression. They’re still there but once u find ur footing shit works out. Gets better
If you don’t learn to be happy when you’re not where you want to be you’ll never be happy when you get to where you want to be.
“Allow yourself”?! Doing…the effort is the reward.
One of my greatest fears is laying on my death bed looking back and wishing I had done more. I’ve got my goals that I bust ass towards, but my intention in life is to enjoy it while I have it. Deserve shouldn’t factor in to your happiness. I used to feel like you in college, especially when I didn’t make the cut, but all I walked away with was the regret of opportunities missed like spending time with friends and family as well as the things I’m passionate about. I left college having never really lived life and fell into a mid life crisis at 23.
I though the same for a long time, I’ll graduate, get a job and a house and then it will all happen like it’ll all perfectly fall in place, but that’s not necessarily true. I got a job and a house but all I got was living away from friends and family and constant responsibilities that eat up most of my time. Speaking from experience I can highly recommend taking full advantage of your down time now.
My point is, you deserve to enjoy life regardless of your circumstances because it’s the only life you have and it won’t last forever. Do what you can now, work towards your goals, and take each day with the intention of making a memory you’ll look back on when your works done.
Hope this helps🍻