Ok.. question for you lovely people.
I (F mid 30’s) am on an executive succession plan, and we had some upcoming deadlines earlier in the year that I was very stressed out about, and was under performing to meet (targets were met in the 11th hour but it was greasy). At that time of taking 2 days off (abruptly and without notice) I also had some significant personal issues come to a head with family court proceedings as well as having to participate in criminal justice proceedings as a victim of violence. I was punished for “checking out” by having my position and succession plan held over my head and the resulting corporate drama that ensues. I acknowledged my performance in a 1:1 today with my VP, and accepted the feedback on the underperformance at work…. My boss’ (M50) perception is that I tapped out because I had checked out of work and given up, but in reality I had a significant amount of stress in my personal life that took precedence of meeting work deliverables. I have a continuation of this 1:1 in a few days and I am wondering if I should tell my VP about the personal things I was also juggling at the time, or if it would seem like a cop out. I have worked on this team for about 1 year and I have been dealing with these issues for about 4, which are well documented with my previous VP and leadership. Seeking advice on how this would be perceived from men in team leadership in the workplace with a female subordinate who you have on your succession plan.
6 comments
We all have stress and other family duties, especially as we age. They’re not going to want to hear about your personal struggles. What is important is how did you communicate your obligations to leadership and how did they respond? Leaving abruptly is generally not ok unless you give a heads up like, “the courts can call me at any time so be prepared to have me step back for a day or two if necessary”.
If you wanted to challenge the underperformance call then it should have been at your 1 on 1.
My advice is to be transparent about your obligations, work load, and goals for the future.
Fuck those people. End of the day you’re documented as having personal issues and there’s not a soul on this planet that can handle the aspects of their lives separately. Your personal can eventually affect your business life if it’s severe enough which coming from your info it did. You have personal things to attend to which require your attention just as much and hr should have been there to back up your claims because (not saying you have to) if you keep them in the loop even superficially it would show that you have personal problems affecting your work ethic.
If there is one thing I have learned after 25 years in the corporate world, it’s that they are not there for you. You are there for them. They have a business to run. If you cannot cope with a work life balance that is able to serve that purpose, quit or get fired. It’s a harsh reality but that is the truth.
Now, you can be forthright and be open about your personal situation to your manager. If they are sympathetic, you may be given looser ground and some leeway or flexibility to deal with the issues you are facing. That is not always the case though, but it’s a solution I believe will relieve the pressure on you at work. But only if they are sympathetic.
However, you also need to show you can dance. Going AWOL hoping they will understand is not a card you want to play. Firstly, your absence means they have to cover you. Not telling them beforehand just makes it worse because they are then not prepared to cover you. That may result in other people rushing to perform doubly. Corporate plates are full. Nobody likes to cover someone else without warning.
And since you have only been with them a year, you are still the new kid on the block. Underperforming and being new kid is not, and I repeat not, a good combination. I know a lot of cases when underperformance resulted in getting fired without question.
The burden is double for you because I believe the plan was to get you onboarded to succede an existing position that looks and seems to be very demanding.
If I were your manager, I would be hard pressed to put in a vote of confidence in your ability to perform the expected role. That is harsh, but that is also the answer to your question. I may still give you a chance, but if you do not up your game and the role is critical, it may be reopened for filling by someone else and your future in this company will be put in question.
We all have personal issues but as much as possible those have to be kept separate from work, just as work issues should not be brought home.
This corporate race is why I decided to break away and be self-employed. I have a special needs son that needs constant minding. So I had to make my own adjustments because my corporate masters were not sympathetic.
Good luck!
Manager here.
If you know you’re going to have external demands on your time, that’s usually the sort of thing that I would want to tell them ahead of time, not after the fact. How much you tell them about those demands and stresses probably depends on your relationship with your manager (I’ve had some employees keep personal things incredibly vague, others I know about their diagnoses, SOs, and relationship with their parents).
I might go with something like, “I understand the perception that I seemed checked out, but the truth is that there was a confluence of external stressors and demands on my time that came to a head at once. I can go into greater detail if it’s important to you, but I want you to know that the situation was temporary, and I’ll let you know if I expect it to impact me again in the future.”
If you hear the words “performance improvement plan,” dust off your resume.
If you don’t give them a clue of what’s going on in your personal life, why should they give you the benefit of a doubt? Contrary to popular belief, managers are people too. They have lives. They’ve seen shit. More times than not they’ll “get it”. But in order for them to do so, they need some clue as to what’s going on.
FWIW: I’ve had bosses try to send me home with words to the effect of, “You’ve got shit to sort out. You don’t need to be here right now.” But ya know what? They wouldn’t have said that if they hadn’t known exactly what was going on in my life (at that time I actually found work more relaxing than home but that’s an aside).
Source: Former manager.
Buddy. Theyre using you. They aren’t planning on giving you promotions and raises. They’re just squeezing as much work out of you as possible before you burn out and quit. If they’re not going to be sympathetic about 2 days of family shit, they weren’t going to give you anything. They’ll tell you they’re grooming you and training you for greatness, but that’s just to get you to do an executive’s job on a manager’s salary.
Find the level of work you’re comfortable with and stay there. If you’re not willing to absolutely sacrifice everything for your job, then don’t do it. It’ll never get easier. Once they make you a VP, they will just expect more from you…if you want to have your one and only shot at life as a tool for share holder returns, go for it…but there’ll never be a time when you’ve ‘made it’ and they back off of you. The deadlines get tighter and the stakes get higher.