How do I stop getting attached too easily?

1 comment

1. I could lie to you and comfort you telling you that this is something you have control over, but unfortunately that is not the case.

   I used to get attached really quickly. Now I don’t anymore let me give you an example:

   Recently I invited a girl from work to a platonic hangout, she seemed like a nice person, so I thought I’d let her tag along if she wishes to do so.

   She wished to do so and accepted the offer.

   Later she came back on it saying something among the lines of “I don’t feel comfortable going with such a small amount of people.” after already promising to be there.

   My expectations we’re low from the start, and I anticipated people cancelling or making excuses. I explained to her kindly that another party was not comfortable going with more people, to which she offered to talk with that party.

   That left me thinking: “You want to come, only if certain other people attend, changing pretty much everything, no thanks”

   So I said “No need, it is a take it or leave it type of thing. The plans aren’t changing for you specifically, I’m sorry but I can’t suit everyones personal wishes.”

   To which she said she did not wish to attend.

   I said “That’s fine, do you want to recieve future invites for social occasions that are held with bigger groups, and more suited to your preferences?”

   She said “That’s kind of you to still offer that after I cancelled, you are free to invite me to any social occasion that includes more than 5 people, I’m not comfortable around smaller groups of people by nature, It isn’t you.”

   I said “Well, I’m not going to fully exclude you simply because this occasion doesn’t meet your personal preferences. I understand that some people simply prefer big groups, which is fine. And I”m responsible for next months hangout, you’ll recieve an invite but I can’t guarantee more than 5 people will attend ahead of time, I can only guarantee that slightly ahead of time.”

   And she ended it with “Thank you for respecting my personal preferences and space. Many people would have pushed me to go anyways, I’ll probably tag along next month!”

   I didn’t let her cancellation get to me because I understand that it isn’t personal. I had no expectations, so nothing to be dissapointed by.

   She did show me that she isn’t the most reliable person around, making me a little bit more closed around her compared to other colleagues.

   Attachment comes from expectations, don’t set any expectations.