I’m a 30 year old woman and I’ve been single for approaching two years. My last relationship lasted about three years (although were on and off at times). I took a few months after the breakup to heal and enjoyed rebuilding my life, and having the time to myself. It really was great. But I’d say I’ve been meaningfully attempting to date for the past year and a half in the hopes of finding a longterm partner, a best friend to share a life with, and I’m extraordinarily single. I haven’t gone further than three dates with any of the men I’ve dated (a mix of not having chemistry, them deciding they don’t know if they’re in a place to date, which maybe they just weren’t that into me etc).
I’d say I’ve gone out with around \~25 men in this time… and I’m starting to feel really discouraged. It’s starting to feel like a lot of my peers have already picked their person, and like I might not be able to find someone who I’m excited about, who also wants to be with me. It just feels like this is a really long time to be single, and have gone on enough dates, that maybe something is wrong here and I’m just someone who is not meant to have a partner. I guess I’m just wondering if this is terribly abnormal to be single for two years when you’ve been putting the hard work into dating trying to find a match?
4 comments
Nothing wrong with it. After a 3 year relationship I was single for 3 years (almost approaching 30 by that point). I was making a good effort to get out and meet single men via online dating and in person. Dating and trying to find ‘your person’ is often treated like studying for a test or trying to get into shape. You can put in the hard work and still get nowhere with dating because you’re dealing with another human being that is flawed, makes their own choices, can be unpredictable, etc.
If it helps: I’ve been single for over 4 years by now, I had the worst dating experiance I would have ever imagined for myself and I know exactly how you feel. Everyone is getting married, having kids and having “the perfect time” while you sit there, going on another horrible date.
I think it is perfectly normal to stay single for a while, and it doesn’t mean we are broken or there will never be love again. I learned to love myself more with every year, I take myself on dates and I realised that I am a catch, and I’m sure you are as well. I just need someone who matches my energy and someone who doesn’t try to make me into another person. Same goes for me doing nothing of that sort to my potential partner.
Almost two months ago, for the first time in these 4 years I met someone and I still can’t stop thinking about them. Nothing really happened yet (sadly), due to outside reasons, but I can assure you, butterflies and giggles can come back anytime.
Please don’t give up, you will find someone I am sure! In the meantime, don’t forget to get yourself some flowers and treat yourself, you deserve it!
I’m 43 (f) and been single 4 1/2 years, I’ve been married, divorced, two kids, work, run a home, have dated, ‘seen’ people but ultimately I’ve been happier being single, however I have not given up hope that maybe one day I might meet someone and have a happy ever after and spend the rest of my lifetime with them… but I’m also realistic and know that I need to be happy with myself and life first…. marriage and relationships don’t always end up in ‘happy’ so many people are miserable on their marriage and relationships but put on a happy front, especially for social media so please don’t compare yourself to those you see…. it sounds like you are a very level headed person who knows your value and what you want, don’t ever change that! Always go with your gut feeling! And if you meet someone an it’s meant to be, all will work out fine! But don’t ever be scared of being on your own!
You’re at an age where time is ticking. (Don’t feel like all hope is lost, but you do need to stay focused). The older you get the less attractive you will be relative to younger women. The men you will want will be going after the younger women.
In the meantime, make sure you stay physically attractive by hitting the gym and optimizing your beauty.
A lot of people will say I’m wrong but it’s just the harsh reality of life. Don’t go full blown panic-it’s not like 30 yr old women don’t get married, but make sure you are what men find attractive (both looks and behavior wise-men love submissiveness in women- sorry feminists, it’s the truth!).
People telling you you’ve got tons of time and to take your time casually are typically making an empathetic play to make you feel better.
Your gut is telling you what reality is (otherwise you wouldn’t be on here worried and making a post!). Every girl’s innate biology tells them this when they hit 30.
Best of luck!