Hey all, I’ve been dating this girl for little over a year. We got together when I had just graduated and she was entering her final year of undergrad.
When we first started dating during the summer, we were hanging out and spending 2-5 days together a week. I asked her to be my girlfriend a month after going on our first date and she told me she loved me the same day. Out of my few relationships and out of a lot of girls I’ve seen, I felt confident that this was the girl I was meant to be with. She easily understood me, she was always there for me when I didn’t even realize I needed it, we talked about getting married and having kids, where we wanted our futures to end up.
For the next 12 months since we started dating, she adjusted from the summer schedule to her going into undergrad, graduating, then immediately starting her masters. For me I was self employed, found a full time agency position, then recently just quit to find a new position elsewhere.
When things got crazy during just undergrad, she claimed she felt bad we had to reduce the time we were spending together because she needed to focus on her studies. Despite the fact I got upset a 1-2 times when I would be going through a rough week at work and needed her there, I still told her repeatedly I would be by her side with school all of the way.
The last 3 weeks her summer semester ended and her fall semester started. She was acting weird for the last week and a half and I could tell something was off but I could never get it out of her.
We talked last night finally and she was heavy hearted to tell me that since grad school started for her 2 months ago, she has been overly stressed and has hated how we’re spending less time with each other because she’s busy with school. She believes it’s not fair to me that her studies are becoming time consuming and interfering in our relationship. We were also supposed to goto a wedding together this last weekend, but an hour before we were supposed to leave she claimed she was feeling sick and couldn’t go, so she backed out. She then admitted last night that her being sick on that wedding day was actually a lie and that she just couldn’t go with me because she was falling out of love with me.
I told her I would always be by her side while she got through school, even if that meant reducing the time we spent together, yet she didn’t want to accept it. I wanted to stay strong together and navigate our way through school like we did before, but she thought it was best if we just broke it off and that she focus on herself. And claimed that she wasn’t confident we would last with her school being in the way.
TL;DR My girlfriend and I dated for 14 months and our relationship was healthy. She now wants to end things because she’s scared her masters studies are damaging our relationship and that it’ll heavily affect us more down the road.
4 comments
Your GF is breaking up with you because she doesn’t want to date you.
I know that is tough, but that is what actually happened here. All the rest of this was just her trying to make you accept it and be gentle about it. She wasn’t lying, but she was trying to soften the blow and not just say “No. I *really* don’t want this.”
She doesn’t want to date you. She might *also* be stressed and need to focus on herself, but she doesn’t want to date you.
First of all I’m sorry you’re going through this. That’s awful.
However, you yourself said,
>She then admitted last night that her being sick on that wedding day was actually a lie and that she just couldn’t go with me because she was falling out of love with me.
If she is falling out of love and just now told you means she’s been thinking about this for a while. You could try salvaging your relationship but she seems set in stone. You also can’t force a relationship on someone.
You could try asking what is making her fall out of love, but by the looks of it, there is no point. She’s breaking up with you, she tried making you do it by being more distant than usual before school and making excuses.
So why not respect her decision?
School might be part of it, but it’s not the sole reason. She didn’t want to go to the wedding with you and is falling out of love. Likely, her feelings are gone and she’s trying to spare you. She’s moving on.