Can someone be unconsciously manipulative?

Am really struggling to know if I have been mistreated or been manipulated. I have been in two unhealthy relationships before and one of them was very manipulative.

For context, in this particular situation, I have been volunteering at a charity and the person in question runs the programme and we have been having a very intense relationship. Below are the points in question where I feel very uneasy.

Apologies for how long this is

-From the start they put me on a pedestal, allowed me to get away with more, took me
On trips, favoured me over others, bought me things, gave me more attention, listened to me
More, spoke to me more, cooked me special foods.

-They were quite rude to other volunteers and other people, and so this special behaviour towards me seems to have made me think it was acceptable or made me more lenient towards how badly he treated others. I’m ashamed to admit this as it shouldn’t be acceptable but it’s almost like I was glad it wasn’t directed at me.

-I have this grim feeling like I’ve been hoodwinked or seen the last 2 months completly differently to how they have actually been.

-I Feel isolated.

-He was ignoring things at the charity to do things with me but I feel like I got the blame or have been told by others to allow him to get on with it when they are old enough and should make those choices the self especially as they run the place, it’s not my responsibility to police there behaviour and make sure they are running the place properly.

-I Feel like the others started to actively resent me because of this special treatment when it wasn’t even me doing that it was Them and the responsibility is on them because of there position of power and authority.
-they seem to twist things. They told people That they choose to walk away from things when that is not how it went at all. I asked for space and they blew up in my face.

-There anger emotion and mean reaction when I asked for space has made me very uncomfortable

-The fact I’m questioning myself

-Scared to bring stuff up with them

-they have Told people stories about me when I wasn’t there stuff that I had just told them not personal stuff but just sharing stories that I told them which I found odd.

-This is really silly but gave me the creeps I changed my cover photo on fb just casually and then in the next 10 minutes they changed there profile pic and cover photo (both photos I had taken) when they hadn’t changed either for 3 years. This was so simple and silly that it also made me think I was going crazy for thinking something so normal was odd

-asked me out 4 times even tho I kept saying no
-told them I didn’t want a label and they told
Others while I was away that we were dating
-they have very good qualities and runs a charity which makes me feel bad for thinking all this and makes me second guess if this is all true
-everyone seems scared to tell them how they really feel but to there face and over messages are really lovely
-there is often an atmosphere of tension when he is around
-they get v stressed out and takes it out on other people. This often leads to people treading on egg shells
-I was starting to feel not myself around them
And in a group setting
-very confusing as I can have really good times with them and they can be really attentive. It’s like polar opposites. They can be very loving, caring, kind and sweet when we are alone.
-made me feel guilty for things on numerous occasions
-would have a go at someone else for something but if I did something similar he wouldn’t say anything. This made me feel isolated as the special treatment I think made other volunteers resent me a bit
-felt off on many occasions and like I needed to run away
-they seem to struggle to see when others are struggling on when they are asking too much off people. Like they are oblivious to how others feel and other peoples needs.
-feel deflated, confused , hurt and angry
-when I told them I wanted space there first reaction was very defensive, then emotional and crying.
-I then gave a list of boundaries to which they turned a lot onto me, made me feel responsible, said they had thought about self harming and hadn’t been this depressed in years, all there friend thought this was unhealthy, it was about 10 minutes worth of this. They got very very emotional and cried. Said they wanted everything with me. Made me feel like I was to blame and responsible for his feelings and that all his friends thought so too. Said that I only wanted to end things cos I wanted to spend time with the new volunteers
Am scared to tell them all this because I worry they won’t let me visit the charity again and I love the place it’s very special to me

Can someone please help me as I feel very alone and doubting myself and scared and don’t know who to trust.