I see a lot of posts on relationship subs about people not being attracted to or finding pulling away/ not wanting to be around their partner for different reasons such as change in looks (mostly weight), not wanting sex as often, not maintaining the cleanliness of their general surroundings, not making the same contribution to the household as before (be it chores or finances) but does that make you fall out of love with them or is that a temporary thing then you just adjust to?
I’m asking because my husband and I have a dynamic that works for us well. He is the breadwinner and I stay home, homeschool the kids, organise the house and cook.
We’re great with our designated roles in the relationship. He’s a great provider and the kids adore him and I try to make our home a safe haven for our family, a place my husband can’t wait to get back home to at the end of the day. We also make sure we look out and take care of each other emotional, mentally, and sexually.
But the thing is, I’m currently going through a miscarriage. I had a threatened miscarriage earlier this week and now it is an incomplete miscarriage and I’m having my D&C in the morning.
It’s been an emotional roller coaster for me and right now I feel kind of numb and my brain is focusing on all these different things except our baby that I lost. And right now my thoughts are focusing on worrying that my husband will feel alienated because I can’t do any of my usual contributions for our family and our relationship and I don’t know when I can get back to our regular routine. I can’t wrap my head around anything except tomorrow. We also planned for 3-5 kids but apparently, my body can’t handle more than two which is whatever but maybe he will long for those 3 kids I can’t give him. I don’t know if he’ll ever want to try again.
My husband is a great guy, btw. He has been extremely supportive and has been taking very good care of me this past week and barely left my side. I know he loves me and won’t just pack up and leave because I’m out of commission for an indefinite amount of time.
I guess it’s a fear that he will secretly resent me for it and vent on here with a throwaway account. Lmao.
Oh, and when you share what made you fall out of love, can you also please share what would’ve made you want to stay and fight for it.
9 comments
[deleted]
I didn’t fall out of love. But I left. I wasn’t happy. My mental health was in the gutters. And I was tired of broken promises and dreams. But I still love him. And it’s been almost a year now.
Different take; sometimes these types of trauma actually strengthen couples.
Case in point: My wife and I have an adult incapacitated daughter that will need care the rest of her life (autistic). Our journey together has made us a stronger couple. The diagnosis, the planning, and the path we took has made us both realize the strengths of each other (and we have grown to really respect that). It has forced us to communicate and talk around a common problem that has given us a technique to spread to every aspect of our lives.
I know it’s dark days right now, but love and light can find a way to dispel that shade–give each other a chance.
Lack of caring. If she would have showed more interest.
I left my first girlfriend because I felt like she was asking too much and I wasn’t getting much out of it.
If you want your relationship to survive a miscarriage or losing a child, therapy is the way to go, both singly and as a couple.
Idk how to explain but i got a thing for girls with mental issues, it she goes to the therapist I’m in, idk, maybe her hurts eases me into thinking that we can take care of each other, the last time i began with a girl saying “you looks sad to me”, and we were dancing and drinking in a party hahaha, idk how to explain but i kinda saw it through, wtf right?
My first long term relationship was almost 4 years. My SO was struggling with depression and I finally convinced him to see a doctor, who prescribed Zoloft. It drained him of all emotion and personality, but he didn’t notice or didn’t care. I pleaded with him to go back and try a different medication or therapy instead, but he had no motivation to. I stuck around for a while (MONTHS) , but I slowly fell out of love because the person I loved had been extinguished. We broke up and I hope he got help and is doing better.
Gaining weight or being mean to me. Losing weight and being nice would have kept me.