To start this off I’ve never done something like this so bear with me.
I (19m) have become jaded, but with a new found “discovery”, I’ve realize I’ve always been kind of a “nice guy”. When I realized all my problems with women was because I thought I “respected” them, but didn’t “RESPECT” them. I kinda see why I am where I am.
(A lot of rejections, so bitter sweet tea)
This sub honestly hasn’t help with this revelation, but friends did. When I asked a male coworker how I should compliment women, he said basically “you really shouldn’t unless you mean it genuinely, and or without any intent; or “food for gold”. When I thought about every time I’ve complimented a women, I don’t think it was entirely genuinely without sexual thought. The problem with this is I’ve never built a friendship first, or had that mentality. So basically I’ve always went in with the thought of sex, while giving “genuine” compliments. (I’ve never really had friendships with women until recently)
Another probably I feel like I have is attempting moving too fast for thought. if I know a girl is interested, I want relationship right away, or something special. This isn’t healthy looking at it. I reached this conclusion through OLD, when I realized I’m actually really picky. It was better to just talk, or see where the shit flew in the wind. I realized people can be really boring regardless of looks, or just not someone’s type/lifestyle/needs/wants. Looking at it now I really had no self respect. I thought being picky was bad but it’s not.
(WARNING: rambling)
I think my view of dating has been ruined by the internet mostly. “Women want to fuck everyone but you loser!” Did most of you even at least questions about a girl? Or fully attempt to change the situation(regarding attracting the right people around you)? “Women are gatekeepers of sex, Men relationships” does this really matter if we’re both clear about our intentions? Why do I care so much about this one women? If I’m not clear I want sex or a relationship can I be mad? If I don’t build up to that point can I be mad? Nah.
To end this, I just want to build (better, healthier)relationships with women with better intentions(emotional support? Dating tips? Company?). I ultimately want to treat women better at the end of the day. 🙂
If you have questions ask, I wrote this tired but it was something I had to get somewhere.
TLDR: realized I’m a nice guy all along, not fully respecting women, want to improve social relations.
2 comments
I think both things can be true. I’m what most people on this sub would call a “nice guy.” If a woman goes on a date with me, she pays nothing. I’m old fashioned. I see it as chivalry. She wants something (within reason), I’ll buy it for her. Now YES, I only do this for women to whom I’m attracted. And I have numerous other friends (male) who literally complain to me that they’re tired of having to pay their own way with me, but when I’m with “Jane,” she gets a free meal. Sorry chief, I’m totally “that guy.” The way I treat my friends and the way I treat a woman I’m into are two different things.
I guess the difference is that I’ve always befriended them first. Yeah maybe in the back of my mind I was attracted to them, but I do get to know them as people before I confess. Some people say that’s wrong, but it’s just how I’ve always done things. The key is to not wait too long. And that’s REALLY CHALLENGING. You have to strike at the right moment – when they’re comfortable around you in general, but before they start to see you as a “great friend.” I’m AWFUL at that part.
And that’s why I have as many female friends as I do. Because when invariably they reject me, I’m already friends with them. I value good people in my life. Furthermore I don’t think it’s fair to the girl to befriend her and then leave her life simply because she wouldn’t go out with you. In good conscience I can’t do that. Because then it does look like I was only trying to get with them in bed or something. And that isn’t who I am. Sincerely, it’s all a very tough line to toe, and I respect and envy anyone who does it perfectly.
I am happy to read this, you are def ahead of the curve than most guys your age in terms of healing & becoming healthy. Good for you!