i literally don’t know what to do anymore. i can’t seem to enjoy sex unless i’m extremely horny which doesn’t happen that often. his penis is way too big for me, i’m very small and it just hurts like hell. i don’t even want to give him head anymore because i am not sexually attracted to him after all these bad experiences. and i don’t cum either because i’m so in my head about it.
i know sex is not about penetration only, but it matters a lot to him and i just don’t wanna do this anymore. he’s so insanely perfect on every aspect and we are so compatible, it bugs me that our relationship is slowly going downhill because of it. i’ve never seen sex as such a painful experience, but now i can’t even remember how it used to be when i liked it.
31 comments
You arent compatible physically or sexually, atm.
You could try dilators, or use a little more lube, or try building up a better habit of foreplay, but honestly it sounds like this one is circling the drain already.
Its gonna take some time to get over those pain based aversions.
Ive been where your boyfriend is rn with a few partners in my past. I never begrudged anyone breaking up with me over this, because i never wanted to cause anyone pain.
Its ok and you should talk about it. You guys are physically incompatible. If you feel, this has started to affecting your life then…. Take a break and think about it.
Saw your comment below, even if you do break up with him, I’d invest in some dilators and just see what you can take comfortably so it’s pleasurable for you.
Then if you happen to be using dating apps you can put something like: any guys bigger than such a size I’m not interested.
There are probably a lot of guys that would be perfect for you that tend not to contact because they are insecure about their man-hoods so, where you would lose a few from the big D crowd you’d easily make up from the normal sized section.
<3
Do you enjoy sex with a smaller dick? Or /and if you masturbate?
Because if you got the same issues with another man, it’s maybe not the size… 🙂
Did you try communication at all? I thinks it’s very important to be upfront about it, especially if it hurts. Foreplay is so important here, to make it even a better experience for you. I am not sure if you should give up on the relationship yet, especially since it doesn’t seem like you tried to fix the problem.
I believe you just start being honest with your partner about how you’ve been feeling about sex and how it hast been the funnest experience for you. There are always solutions to every problem.
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With today’s surgical technology you would think they could downsize him.
Surely this is something you two can fix together. Leaving him seems a little drastic. I’m a relatively well endowed guy and I’ve had relationships end due incompatibility issues such as this and it’s hurtful because it’s something I can’t change.
Tell him to slow down and you have a shallow vag. He doesn’t need to put it all in
I saw your comment about your BF’s length being the issue, I think if he learn to limit his thrusts you guys can work through this together.
I’ve got a little extra thickness downstairs myself, and overcoming your size differences in bed is a great milestone to hit together in a relationship!! 🙂
I agree that too big can be an issue. You’re not alone.
As someone who is on the larger side, have you talked to him about this? Communication is important, especially if there is an incompatibility on one side.
Also if it is length, have him hold back if he can. If you like things rougher and this is an issue, look into the ohnut as it can help act as a “stopper” to prevent things from fully entering you. If girth is the issue less can be done, but sometimes lube, getting you off orally first, angles/positions, and talking can help. Stress also can have you tense up (especially if you are worried about pain), which can make matters worse.
Exactly how big are we talking? Because I’m afraid I’m having the same issue with my girl except she’s not telling me about it
Whatever you do, if you date another guy don’t lead with “my last boyfriend was too big”
I had the exact same problem with my ex. The cramps were sometimes worse than period pain. Since then I won’t have sex with a guy who’s over 17cm… I just can’t take it.
That said, try an OhNut, it prevents him from going in too deeply. Still make sure you get a minimum of 20 minutes of foreplay and use some lube.
Go ask around at r/bigdickproblems
There are things you can do to make things better.
I just wanna let you know your feelings are totally valid op! people act like having a big dick is great, but there is such a thing as too much. it hurts when it hits your cervix, it hurts if it’s just too big! some people just don’t fit right together, especially if you’re petite, or have a shallow birth canal.
I love a big size but it took a long time to get use to it. I think you need to take it slow and easy or tell him to go slow. Try different positions
While there’s no solution for his size, you can possibly do something about your arousal. I use Vella cream and it gets me very turned on and wanting pretty quickly.
I think “I am not sexually attracted to him after all these bad experiences” could be concerning
Does he know you are in pain during sex? Does he stop? Does he still want to have sex if it hurts you? Does he make an effort to warm you up for penetration? Does he have sex with you despite knowing that it hurts?
If he knows it hurts you, and he still has sex with you, then you need to leave him because that is extremely unhealthy.
If he doesn’t know it hurts you (I’d be surprised if he didn’t, because surely your body responds to the pain during sex?) then you two need to sit down and talk through everything.
My biggest concern is that he could know it hurts and is still having sex with you. I hope that’s not the case. You two should take penetration off the table for a while until you can work this out. You should not endure painful sex, ever.
I don’t think you are compatible.
Compatibility is important, too big is just as bad as too small.
It’s always going to be an issue.
He’s not gonna get any smaller.
This should be a golden time for you.
Sounds like a physical incompatibility 🥹
Dilators! There are also E-Stim toys that I would recommend trying if you’re having issues with feeling anything pleasurable
Here’s something I rarely see acknowledged: vaginas get longer when they get turned on, same as penises, only they’re getting deeper. It’s not just about lubrication, so applying lube can’t solve a beat up cervix. “Physical incompatibility” can often be overcome by spending more time with foreplay. Big guys need to understand that getting their partners properly turned on is IMPORTANT. Foreplay is VITAL or it is PAINFUL. And also YOU deserve to have sex that turns you on!
My partner has a monster dick. We’ve been together for years. Sometimes we’ll hit a streak where I’m not getting turned on enough, and sex will get painful because my vagina is too shallow. So I speak up and tell him what I need to get my bits as deep as Barry White, and it goes back to being great.
Sex is as important as everything else. Don’t look down on the incompatibility because of sex, just be sad that it’s another relationship that isn’t “the one”.
Being aware enough to identify this, and mature enough to accept it as a simple incompatibility are great traits to have
Ohnut! Helpful product
Is it just too long? There’s buffer rings that limit how deep he can go. It’s like a cock ring but specifically designed as a spacer
https://ohnut.co/
There’s girls in porn that are 5 foot and take 12 inches from a 6’5 black dude. There’s no way he’s “too big” your body is capable of pushing out a baby. You’ll be fine
I used to have this problem when my boyfriend and I first started going at it. He’s the biggest I’ve had and I genuinely could not handle it so we’d have to take it slow. We’ve been having sex for about 5 months and I can take him easily no matter how rough he is even though initially getting him inside me is a bit of a slower task. It’s possible. Just be patient and take things slow
Make sure you talk to him about it. I have endometriosis which makes sex painful, so I had to learn early on how to express my sexual pain to my boyfriend. You mentioned you have to be super horny to have it not hurt, which means once things are lubed up, it’s bearable. But sex shouldn’t bearable. It should be pleasurable. Explain to your partner his member hurts you and that you are more than willing to try different things to see if this helps. Someone mentioned a Ohnutt which prevents him from penetrating too deep. Maybe suggest lube that has CBD in it to ease any inflammation you may have. Also, I’d suggest revisiting this with him and discussing sexual compatibility. It may just be possible that you guys physically aren’t compatible. You might find fulfillment in not vaginal penetration, but pleasing each other through oral or incorporate the use of mutual masterbation with sex toys. But most of all PLEASE DONT PUT YOURSELF THROUGH PAINFUL SEX TO PLEASE YOUR PARTNER. I know it’s easier said than done, but I hope that he would want you to be pleasured and not hurt. Being hurt during sex is not fun for anyone involved. You aren’t just something for his pleasure. Sex is for your pleasure too. If he is not willing to try new things or understand that this is hurting you, find a partner who will listen to you. Please reach out to me if you have more questions!
U know I’m not into huge dick either like big dick doesn’t Arouse me and quite honestly makes me so dry that it hurts more. So u are definitely not alone. And I been in the sex game for a while. Big dick just ain’t it. Lol