I was in a long term relationship for almost 7 years but that ended a few months ago. I have never used dating apps and I have almost no dating experience outside of my failed relationship. Looking for tips and a vibe check.
I have heard online dating is incredibly brutal for men and I have been trying to keep my head up. I have almost no pictures of just myself as I rarely take pictures and when I did they were all couple shots or just the dog or nature.
Please help me with the profile I have. I will be going out to cool spots and trying to get new pictures but I want to learn about what I have currently and see what should be swapped and if I can improve any of the prompts etc.
Link https://imgur.com/a/5wGkbPG
I know in the dog picture my hair and beard are long and unkempt. That probably looks bad? Also I am leaning forward which makes my gut look bigger than it is. My guess is I need a better picture with my dog for sure.
In one of the prompts I mentioned DnD and in a few chats I have had basically all of the women have told me only losers play DnD. I play it twice a week with two different social groups. I love meeting new people and having food and drinks and playing. It’s a window into my social life and a big part of me. Should I cut that? I also mention videogames and fantasy which are turnoffs for many girls. Not sure about that prompt in general but it is accurate. I don’t play more than an hour of videogames here and there and am not addicted like most. Maybe girls are fearing otherwise?
The family picture is my oldest at three years old and the background isn’t all that cool although Cozumel Mexico (I captioned it) is one of the coolest places on the planet. I wanted to show I like to travel and have a family but IDK. Maybe replace that one?
The bar picture has bad glare on my glasses. Is implying I drink a turnoff? I tried to caption it by talking about how I own a house and have a full bar and am into mixology. Then mentioning I only drink occasionally and in moderation to make me seem like less of an alcoholic. But not sure what sort of vibes I am giving off.
16 comments
The picture of you in a submarine or whatever is the only good one. I would scrap the rest. Try and find pictures where you are alone in the picture and look cleaned up.
The prompt answers I can see look fine, but I can’t see the two truths and a lie. However, I generally think it’s a useless prompt.
Hey OP. I’m not your target audience (fellow male here), but if you can swing it, invest in a photoshoot. That or find a friend who’s good at framing images. Nothing crazy and it doesn’t need to be over-edited outside of lighting and composition. Your current photos are what they are, but based on what you shared there’s room for improvement. many of your photos have poor lighting. They also include a lot people, which can get too busy. Leading with a few (not all) better quality photos will at least help present your best foot first. As you said, these streets are brutal, and you can use every advantage you can muster. Best of luck!
Sincerely,
Fellow single guy out in these streets
You speak about your interests in past tense which is misleading. Unless they are something that you are actively interested in, it’s pretty irrelevant for a profile. That seems like more of a conversation you might have later on
I’d swipe right on you so fast if we weren’t a country apart. You are cute, will rounded, you seem to know who you are, you give off wholesome happy relationship-type guy vibes. I think you’re going to attract a certain type of woman based on your hobbies and overall vibe, so as long as that type of woman is what you are after you shouldn’t have problems.
I agree with the other commenter, make your interests present tense.
The family photo ought to go, it’s dark, hard to see (I thought you were the guy in front at first which confused me), not flattering, and it doesn’t add anything in the way of telling us about you whatsoever.
Overall your profile is upbeat which is great.
Edit: your post history says you and your gf of 6.5 years split up 7 days ago?? My man, give yourself some time, that’s going to be a huuiuuge red flag when women ask you about your most recent relationship/how long you’ve been single.
How many months back is “ few months ago” might want to chill for about a year before hopping back in rotation friend.
– fix the tense of your wording. Do you no longer like kickboxing etc?
– instead of listing dnd, put “comic conventions” (if you’re into that) so you attract the type of person who is into nerd shit without turning off women who are not into it.
– get rid of the video game interest bc it adds nothing unless she is into it and it will turn many women off (you don’t want to imply that you’re a video game addict)
– get all new pictures. Seriously, they are all terrible bc I am either not sure which one you are in the picture or they are not clear. Also not sure which one you look like (hair? Shaved head? Beard?). Next time you are out with friends/family who is a girl, ask her to take pictures of you (candid ones especially). If you’re going to include other people in the picture, block out their face/cut them out because you don’t want to be compared and it’s a distraction.
– make sure to have a picture WITH your dog, for obvious reasons, but don’t use the picture you currently have up because it’s not flattering.
– definitely smile showing teeth in your pictures because you have a great smile!
Ps- I met my husband on Hinge. So it’s possible to meet someone great on an app!
You need better photos. Photos matter 1000x more than your prompts. Don’t even think about the words until you take better photos. No photos with mom. No wedding photos or group photos where she could get confused which guy you are.
My guess is you used those photos because, like most guys, you don’t take many photos of yourself and lack photography & photo-editing skills, so those were the best you had. You need better photos. Ask a friend to spend an afternoon doing an OLD photo shoot with you (no selfies). Put a lot of effort into the details: well-fitted clothes, grooming, hair style, facial expression, lighting, angles, resolution, location, background. Make sure you’re in the center of the photo and your face is clearly visible. Take some that are just head shots, and others that show your hobbies and interests. Take many, many, many photos. When you think you’ve got enough, think again, take twice as many. At the end, sort through them and only keep the best 3-5 for your profile.
You don’t need to pretend to be something you’re not, but you do need high quality photos.
Dog photo isn’t flattering. Talk about current interests and hobbies – not past ones. Say what you’re looking for – that’s missing waaay too often in people’s profiles.
You have an uphill battle with these photos. Get a good haircut and if you’re really committed to having a beard make sure it’s symmetrical and well groomed. Update your wardrobe.
I can’t tell which one you are in these group photos. Your hair and beard length are all over the place so institute some consistency.
I’d swipe left based on the bar pic – not looking to collect another problem drinker in my 30’s, but that may be an individual preference. To the extent other women feel that way you’re narrowing your pool.
I don’t understand why your interests are past tense. Do you no longer do those things?
Are you truly moderate? For me that’s a red flag move for conservative men trying to get more dates in liberal areas. Just say what your political affiliation really is.
31F and I swipe right on nerds. I have a LOTR ref in my bio. I’d swipe right on you to give you a chance because you look sweet, but with some trepidation since I can’t tell entirely what you’re about, so it would need to be a good easy conversation to turn into a date.
Style remarks: those glasses aren’t flattering to your face. Check out Zenni or EyeBuyDirect or something and get some modern styles. Also consider changing up outfits in the photos unless you’re truly a graphic tee every day kind of guy.
Your hairstyle is all over the place in the photos so I’m not entirely sure which one is you in some of the photos. Makes me wonder how old the photos are. I’d suggest having at least one photo with a big warm smile, and maybe a foraging one since you mention that? And definitely more photos of just you, far fewer group/duo photos. Having two photos with your mom makes you look like a major mama’s boy.
Definitely have a dog photo but not the one you picked. Ideally you two would be much closer together (read: cuddly) and you’d be in a more flattering pose.
Your hobbies are past tense for some reason? Also this makes me wonder if you’re describing your high school self and not your adult self.
Personally I’m not into the home bar photo because I’m wary of alcohol-as-a-personality people. But having grown up with an alcoholic parent, I may be overly sensitive to that.
Hey bro, gonna echo the advice given here for some of the pictures, grooming up goes a long way! But it sounds like you’re I the process of updating which is really great!
As far as the prompts I’d avoid “was” and choose saying things you “are” interested in, was gives a sense if past tense and even for me as a male if I met you at a party and you said that I would still be confused at your current interests and hobbies, remember you’ll be going out and having all sorts of fun with an S.O. and it’s it’s good idea to prlortray that in your profile!
All the best though man let us know how it all goes!
Dude I actually like the energy in your profile. Just gotta bring it out with better photos. I agree with comments that suggest a good photo shoot. Have one pic without glasses. All pics should be well lit. Also have one with you alone – head to toe. Maybe with your dog. Also the answer to the prompt about what you’d do together with someone sounds confusing – just check the syntax/grammar. Again I think you have good energy just gotta get a better profile to match that.
Just going to reiterate what others have said. The selection of pictures is working against you. You mentioned not knowing what to do with your hair. Lots of guys seem to be in that situation. When it’s a bit long, go to a barber and explain that you want a flattering but low-maintenance hair style. They’ll probably do something that’s a bit shorter on the sides and a bit longer on top. Ask what numbers they used for the sides and top, so you can get the same thing next time.
The wording in your profile feels a bit awkward. I know it’s hard to write about yourself, especially when you’re kind of on the spot. Try to write the way you talk, it will feel more natural to the readers. Go into Discord or whatever and tell your friends that you’re going to describe yourself to them. Remember that you’re just talking to your friends, not reciting your profile to them. Talk like you normally do. Then use those exact same words in your profile.
Keep the references to your hobbies. You said that you play D&D twice a week, that’s obviously a big part of who you are. You don’t want to try and date a woman who won’t date a nerdy guy, you’ll just end up miserable. There are women who appreciate the joy of rolling a well-timed natural 20, I’m one of them. There aren’t a lot of women in D&D (I’m typically the only woman in a group), but I know a few others who play, and plenty of other women who don’t have an issue with their partner playing.
Good luck, and I think a nice haircut, some good photos, and a revised profile will do wonders to bump up your CHA stat!
Don’t hide things you like. If you love D&D, fantasy, video games, and it’s a big part of your life, do you really want to date someone who thinks that’s a turn off? I mean, if you just want to bone, whatever I guess.
But if you want something real, be proud of who you are, don’t try too hard to give people what they want, give them what you are and wait for someone who appreciates you for that.
It will take longer, but you can use that time to lose some of the gut if you think that’s holding you back (since you mention it, better to not have, than to hide) Change things about yourself that you actually want to change and that are real improvements. Maybe get back into boxing since you talk about it, it would sound better in the present tense. You’ll feel better and more confident too.
Don’t hide aspects of yourself to appeal to what you think ‘women’ as a homogeneous group want. It won’t be good for anyone. And I have been lucky enough to know wonderful women who love fantasy, d&d and video games too, so I know they exist.
Best of luck!
Input as a woman:
1. Don’t start the profile with another woman in your picture (even if it’s your mom/sibling). I’d take that photo off completely because my eyes first went to the woman
2. I’d put more photos where you are not showing your teeth. I think you’re more attractive when you’re smiling without your teeth showing
3. I’d put your photo with your dog higher. Idk it’s just me but photos with dogs/cats catch my attention.
4. Idk how liberal your area is but common conception is that moderate = borderline conservative. I don’t know how much you want to compromise on politics but I’d take political inclination out as well.
5. Maybe I don’t have the full view but the Two Truths and a Lie should have at least three sentences?
I personally like ur overall profile n photos! Dude here.