I’ve been on an online course for a few months and I was put in a group with some people that have become good friends.
But one of them has crossed the line of friendship, the problem is he has a girlfriend. We started off talking in class, and then after, and it led to us spending every night on the phone until the early hours of the morning and sometimes the late hours of the morning.
At first all these calls were just friendly, but as time went on they got more intimate and started crossing the line. He admitted he had feelings for me, and was strongly attached to me and it was confusing him at which point I spoke to him and said it wasn’t on when he has a girlfriend and that we should stop talking in this way.
He agreed, and we cut off contact outside of class. The problem was he kept coming back, he was miserable in front of everyone and only cheered up when he spoke to me. At first I was admittedly weak and allowed it. But we were going round in circles where we would talk outside of class, decide it wasn’t a good idea, be sad, talk again, decide not to talk etc.
The other day I decided enough was enough, and drew the line in the sand. I told him that he’s made his choice and so have I, and I turned the knife a bit by saying that when the course was over we would stop being in contact which he wasn’t best pleased with but agreed to.
It’s been a few days since I did that and he won’t leave me be. He messages constantly, he gets jealous when someone else makes me laugh, he’ll sometimes just sit and stare at me with a grin on his face. Unfortunately, we have to see each other everyday in class, and interact as we are in the same group so I’m not able to cut off contact completely just yet.
How to I politely tell him to stop? Any advice for what I should do?
9 comments
Mention that hes clearly not loyal to his girlfriend and it puts you off
There is no polite way unfortunatly. Seems he is trying to keep you on the back burner whilst he has a gf. Which isnt fair to his gf or to you. I would say tell his gf but that will lead to so much drama. Your only other option is to maybe have a male friend talk to him….
Stop being polite. And BLOCK him. You don’t even speak to him in class. If he approaches, you say Leave me alone. And move.
If you already talked with him politely, you are in your right to just say to him that you not want to talk to him anymore because you cannot stand: 1- the on and off 2- that he is emotionally unfaithful to his girlfriend.
Tbh, I feel you just dodget a bullet here. He is clearly a potential cheater and doesn’t respect boundaries in any of his relationships which he has proven not only by allowing and continuing a relationship that he admits is not ok, but also by not respecting your wishes to not speak to him anymore.
In my opinion you should talk to his girlfriend about this…if I was in her position, I’d want to know. Especially if he’s using all his energy to harass you, she’s probably noticed his lack of effort in the relationship. You should talk to her, let her know how you’ve felt about all of this. She doesn’t deserve this and neither do you, this guy is being a total grease ball and you can easily do a lot of damage control by letting her know what’s been going on
Get a make relative (brother, uncle, dad, cousin) to drop you off and pick you up at class. Find out ways to show your have men in your life watching over you. It’s slowly descending into stalking and harassment. Keep engagement to a minimum.
Document everything. Possibly show girlfriend in the future.
Threaten to tell his gf
Make a fake bf. Have a male friend pretend just to make him leave you alone.
he’s a self serving manipulative prick
I know so many guys who have pulled the ‘sad but happy when I’m around” crap
you tell him sternly to leave you alone and you aren’t up for the games