My girlfriend and I are both college students. We started dating back in September and generally things have gone really well.
She has this male friend that she’s known for a little over a year now and their relationship makes me a bit uncomfortable. She told me that they used to be really close but she distanced herself from that friendship because he made a comment about wanting to have sex with her right before she met me.
That said, she still plans all of her classes with him and he seems to be her only friend in the classes she signs up for so they’re still talking and seeing each other pretty much everyday. She told me that she only talks to him about school now, but it still just doesn’t sit right with me.
I trust her entirely that she wouldn’t cheat on me, but I feel very uneasy about the whole situation. I’ve tried talking to her about how I feel and she pretty much blows off what I say as “ridiculous” and then changes the subject. I’ve tried encouraging her to make other friends, but she doesn’t. It’s also frustrating for me because I know that if the roles were reversed, she would be very upset at me. I also know that I wouldn’t entertain that kind of friendship in the first place out of respect for my girlfriend.
Now, I’ve never told her that she can’t be friends with him or can’t do what she wants, I don’t want to be that kind of boyfriend. But I’m starting to feel like she either needs to drop the guy or I’m going to leave the relationship. All I’ve ever told her is that I’m uncomfortable with their friendship as I explained above.
Am I being unreasonable? Should I try to bring this up again? Or is it time to cut my losses?
Thank you in advance!
tl;dr My girlfriends friend wants to have sex with her and she doesn’t do anything about it.
6 comments
We know for a fact that your girlfriend is hanging out with a guy who clearly has an intention to have sex with her and you feeling uncomfortable is really reasonable. Talk to her about it. Tell her why you feel that way, cause I can assure you she wouldn’t like you to hang out with a girl who clearly told you in the past she wanna have sex with you. Just try to ask her to put herself in your position. I hope she’d understand.
>It’s also frustrating for me because I know that if the roles were reversed, she would be very upset at me.
Thats what I was going to mention. I doubt she’d be cool with this type of arrangement….but she also knows you arent the type of guy to do something like this. So its kind of fucked up if she’s taking advantage of that fact.
>I’ve tried talking to her about how I feel and she pretty much blows off what I say as “ridiculous” and then changes the subject.
Well thats not a good sign. If she actually gave a fuck, she’d at least talk to you about it instead of potentially gaslighting you.
>Now, I’ve never told her that she can’t be friends with him or can’t do what she wants, I don’t want to be that kind of boyfriend. But I’m starting to feel like she either needs to drop the guy or I’m going to leave the relationship. All I’ve ever told her is that I’m uncomfortable with their friendship as I explained above.
Yeah I get it. It makes sense.
I think you need to make a decision for yourself. If you know you deserve better, then all you can do is be honest with her and hope to compromise. But if she cant do that…then where do you go from here? She clearly wants to prioritize this thing with this other dude. If so, you need to get out of this situation.
Always err on the side of communication. You should talk to her and tell her what you’re feeling and listen to her reasons and her point of view
Ultimatums are viewed as manipulative by a lot of people but if I were you I would tell her you or the guy. It seems like she doesn’t want to communicate healthily in regards to the situation, so your only options are to do something or simply leave. I think you should at least give her a chance to drop the guy by letting her know it makes you uncomfortable and she can either drop him or lose you.
Wierd I almost sound like that friend in a situation I just got out of
In the immortal words of Burgess Meredith, they be takin’ the train to Tuna Town.