Let me just say, I don’t know if this is the right sub or not. If it isn’t, maybe let me know which one would be better. Thanks.
I came home from work early yesterday. My son was the only one in the house, so I went up to his room to ask if he wanted to go fishing with me. When I walked into his room, I saw him pleasuring himself while looking at a pornographic magazine. I was honestly furious, so I gave him time to get dressed and then took it from. That’s when I noticed another magazine under his bed and took that one too. I asked where he got them and he just said he bought them online.
When my wife got home, I told her about what I found and she said she bought them for our son. Apparently, she borrowed his laptop a week ago and he forgot to close a porn tab. She said that it was normal for him to be looking at these things, but thought internet porn could come with risks including viruses, so she talked with our son. They came to the agreement that she would get him some magazines so he wouldn’t use the internet for porn.
I’m honestly pissed that I wasn’t a part of this conversation. I don’t want my child to be looking at that kind of stuff, at least until he’s 18 and living on his own. I tried explaining that to my wife, but she just keeps telling me that the magazines are better than actual girls and masturbation is healthy. I agree with her statement and have no problems with masturbation, but I still don’t want him looking at porn. Is there anything about the situation I should do?
8 comments
Trying to keep teenagers from looking at porn is pointless. Best to teach them moderation instead of outright banning it
How old were you when you first looked at pornmag or similar? Do you think it was hurting you?
Another question, why 18? Because of the law definition or something? Or his mental age being too low until the very minute he hits 18? Could you imagine one day before 18? Maybe one week before? A month? Year?
Where I’m getting at is it’s way better for you to actually know your child and their mental readiness as opposed to relying on some government set limits on stuff.
Now without knowing your child I can’t say whether 16 is better than 18 or vice versa, but your wife seems to have a more sane view on that stuff. Please, do talk that stuff out with your wife so you both get on the same level about that stuff, be it either hers or yours.
We all want a lot of things. I’d love a few hundred million dollars. I like my odds better than you getting what you want.
Honestly? Chill out. He’s gonna see it. He’s already sought it out on his own. Its possible upure being naive, or maybe you both are, but if you can at least funnel him away from some of the really extreme stuff youre doing fine. If you can do that and encourage hin not to inpregnate anybody or catch an std youre doing even better.
He’s gonna j/o, probably to some visual stimuli.
One thing you can do is develop a text first or knock first and wait for a response, and if you dont get one try again later. Your goal should be teaching hin healthy boundaries, and the respect that underpins that goes both ways.
I think you have some grounds to be upset your wife didn’t talk yo you, but in her defense you are over reacting and making a huge deal out of little.
You just shamed your son about sex. You can stop damaging your son for being normal. And start talking to your wife about her views. Because she currently is doing a better job then you are.
I thought it was weird until I read your wifes point. She’s absolutely right. I’m 25 now and I wish I didn’t discover internet porn when I was 13, internet porn leads to addiction and a host of sexual problems later on for a lot of men. Honestly your son has probably been watching porn for a while. It’s better that he isn’t getting exposed to more and more extreme porn through algorithms that are literally designed to get him addicted. Tell your wife thanks cause I’m gonna do the same thing when my son is that age.
Do you not want him looking at porn because you believe it’s harmful to a teenage brain? If that’s the case then I can see your point, but your wife has the better solution. If you believe porn is harmful then have that conversation with him, but ultimately it is his decision.
If your the type that watches porn yourself but you want to control what your son does because you think he’s not ready for it or whatever then you are 100% in the wrong. Be thankful that’s all he’s doing. My son know 15 yr olds who have already had 15 sexual partners.
You should have been part of the conversation, but your wife handled that quite well. You’re in the wrong. Are you seriously trying to tell us you never had sexual urges before 18? Never wanted to look at a dirty magazine? Are you perhaps projecting the way your dad treated you?
You’ve just made your son incredibly confused about sex, I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if it has done permanent damage, you should apologise and tell him you were wrong.
If you can get on the same page as your wife, that seems like the reasonable approach.