Would you rather test your sexual compatibility with a potential partner BEFORE or AFTER getting to know them and why?

13 comments

1. I’m a man, and I prefer developing emotional intimacy to lead into physical intimacy.

   I wouldn’t turn having sex immediately but it isn’t what I’d prefer.

2. I’m a woman, and I need to know someone enough to trust them to be honest about sexual history and STI testing before testing our sexual compatibility, so that means after getting to know them.

   In a perfect world where everyone can be trusted, I’d prefer to test sexual compatibility prior to really getting to know someone so that we don’t waste our time.

3. I’m a woman and would want to get to know them first. Sex can be made so much better when you are emotionally attracted to someone. Good sex means nothing in a relationship if you aren’t compatible in other ways, unless that’s all you are looking for.

4. Sexual compatibility doesn’t matter as much to me as it would to a prospective partner. I am a sexual person like most of us are, but I dislike sex. So I need to find a partner that’s open to be sexual and kinky, but can happily live a life with no penetrative sex. So because my situation is so niche I like to get it out in the open before hand, cause I know this won’t vibe with 99% of people.

   But in general sex isn’t a big deal to me, its always been a bigger deal for my partners. So in the assumptions you presented I would rather get to know them first. But in reality, in the dating to marry world, I know if I do im genuinly wasting most people’s time and hope.

   Im male.

5. [deleted]

6. I’m a woman and I think sexual compatibility isn’t a thing really. (Outside sexuality of course) sex is good when you trust each other, have good communication and have a connection.

   You learn to have sex with any new partner. Everyone and their needs are different, listen to them and ask for what you want. That’s what makes good sex.

   Connection brings comfort which is necessary for good sex.

   So yeah, getting to know someone is definitely and added bonus. It also doesn’t just have that empty feeling afterwards. Ya know?

7. Sexual compatibility is part of getting to know them. So, to me, it seems like a distinction without a difference.

8. After. I’m not the kind of person who wants to sleep with a girl just because she’s physically attractive; I want to get to know her, and to get a sense of who she is, first.

   This is not to say it necessarily needs to be a very deep or thorough sense. On my most recent first date, we just clicked in a lot of ways: We got each other, and we were attracted to each other, and we were supportive of what each of one of us had gone through in the past and what we wanted to build in the future. So, we had sex on the first date. And I don’t feel like that was premature. (We also, exactly 3 years after that first date, got married.) Honestly, what I wanted to know, above all, was whether the relationship was going to go somewhere… And part of the reason I knew the answer was Yes was because we had sex on the first date.

9. Getting to know a person is a part of sexual compatability for me.

   For.me it takes more than just sexual chemistry for anything more than a few nights. If I find I don’t like them as a person even hot sex and similar kinks/appetites won’t matter.

10. Sex first. Otherwise I run the risk of getting to know them and falling in love while having a basic incompatibility.

    But I’m a kinky bitch so that probably sways my answer.

11. Neither. I’d prefer to have sex for the first time ***while*** getting to know her.

    Because learning how we click with one another sexually is an important part of figuring one another out. But, while I don’t like being overly formulaic, sometimes there’s a reason why we generally associate certain processes as having steps or stages to them, so having sex with them for the first time (or even negotiating a first sexual encounter in advance) would generally be a poor choice for beginning the process of getting to know them.

    Waiting until I know everything about her and she knows everything about me would take way too long, too, and require bonding emotionally while artificially holding off on sex, which would be awkward and make the required emotional bonding more difficult than it needed to be.

    Having sex with her when she’s still a complete stranger and I haven’t even started to get a handle on her would feel premature. If it were even possible in a context where she’s a prospective partner in the first place, rather than some rando from a meat market bar. Also, sex is way more interesting when there’s a spark between us and I at least know her a little bit.

    >this potential partner of yours is indifferent, so the choice is exclusively up to you

    Eh… Being indifferent towards having sex with me is not very nice. It’s way better if she’s actively interested in having sex with me and enthusiastic about it, too.

    >Also, mention your gender (if comfortable).

    I’m a straight dude.

12. I would say it is part of the same process

13. Women here. I’ve done it both ways.. I feel there is no right or wrong here. Different people have different vibes. So there is no one method