Hello, I (22f) was wondering if there is such a thing as aftercare for arguments/fights. Whenever my bf (23m) and I have particularly gnarly arguments I find myself craving a cuddle or at least like a few kind words afterwards to kind of reassure that he still loves me lol. He generally goes right to bed and then the next day pretends like nothing ever happened, which I find super disorienting. I’ve asked him about it and he said what he needs in the moment is sleep, and he doesn’t understand why we would cuddle after a fight.
I guess I was just wondering if anyone relates to this and if it’s something I can ask of him as an emotional need or if that would be absurd?
TL;DR – is post argument cuddling a fair request or no?
3 comments
How do your fights end? Do you actually come to a resolution and an agreement you are both happy with?
> I’ve asked him about it and he said what he needs in the moment is sleep, and he doesn’t understand why we would cuddle after a fight.]
These things take time to align. Its really hard to just change a very personal instinct (in your case, to have a good cuddle after fighting), because its just part of your nature and personality. Same with him.
Over time, you’ll find middle ground. My SO used to shut down in arguments because she hated them. I was the one who wanted to talk through it so we dont go to bed angry. Over time, we figured out that it was better for the relationship to talk more…but to make sure theres time to cool down in between if needed. But the line, for us, was that in almost all cases, you have to resolve the issue before going to bed. We rarely have bad fights ever since.
To me… It sounds like the conflicts are not being fully resolved if they aren’t being followed by a physical connection of some kind. What you’re hoping for is a completely normal thing. How long have you been in this relationship? I have been in some relationships where the other person acted like you’re describing, and later figured out I was with someone who didn’t give a shit about me, so our fights were literally just wasting time as far as that person was concerned, and it was a better use of that persons time to just say “ok whatever” and then just go to bed… Your 23m sounds like an asshole who doesn’t care about the relationship, otherwise he’d try to take better care of it