Next door neighbours moved in about 2 years ago, and it turns out their daughters are the same age as ours (4,7) and go to the same school, etc. so they became quick friends.
Their daughters will come over if they hear us out back (totally fine, as it’s usually a quick visit), and they are ok if our daughters do the same, and it’s been ok so far.
The only thing is, their daughters do not seem to respect authority, and if they are over and we ask them to stop doing something (going into our fridge without asking, going into rooms that are off limits ie. our bedroom), they just straight up ignore us. We have to ask them more than 4-5 times, getting increasingly frustrated each time, before they begrudgingly stop.
Do I tell the neighbour this? Is it useless (my logic is: kids who act this way were raised this way, and me talking to their parents won’t change anything and will only impact our relationship with the parents)? Next time we have other kids over, do we “forget” to invite them?
Tl;dr – neighbour’s kids come over and don’t respect our rules (which are super reasonable). Do we talk to the neighbour about it, let it go?
11 comments
It is useless and will probably be perceived as an attack by the parents on their children and/or parenting method. The best way is probably to model what the correct behavior is and hope that the kids and/or neighbors notice. They’re kids, so in a way they are not to blame here for how they have been raised. Are they generally polite otherwise, and they just don’t really stop doing something when you ask them to? Cause honestly, a lot of that is just kid behavior with no impulse control. Can happen even with the best kids of the best parents. That’s how kids learn and all.
Tell her parents and if they do nothing, tell the child she either gets out or she go home
I would just tell them that if they don’t follow the rules they’re going to have to leave. And then when they break the rules, send them home. You don’t need to make a big deal out of it.
If they do the thing you don’t want them to do, tell them they have to go home for violating the rules for the rest of the day. That’s it. And do that, be consistent with that. Eventually, they will tire of the inconvenience it causes them.
That type of behavior comes from a parent being inconsistent. Asking a kid not to do something but then not enforcing it, so the kid doesn’t know if the authority figure means it or not. So then by default the kid ignore requests from authority unless the tone of voice is urgent or frustrated.
So you have to tell them (not ask) and follow through with consequences on the first time, not with anger, just consequences. For example, they go in a room they’re not suppose to, tell them that’s not allowed and then you tell them play time is over because they went where they shouldn’t, but they can come over tomorrow if they promise to stay out of those rooms. Immediate consequences will get them to pay attention.
I could easily see my daughter doing this and no it is not the way I have raised her. I’d be totally pissed if you didn’t tell me and it would make me question you as a person.
Talking to the parents will do nothing but start a war.
Stop trying to reason with these kids.
Ask/remind them of a rule and if they won’t obey, send them home. And tell them “you’re welcome to be here when you can follow our rules.”
Kids are capable of knowing different rules in different spaces. I doubt they’re at school going into classrooms they shouldn’t be on or helping themselves in the cafeteria fridge.
Also. As a stepmom where we are dealing with two primary homes plus multiple sets of grandparents and such, I can assure you…kids know where they are and what the rules are.
Hell my dog knows as much. At x house he’s allowed on furniture and in the kitchen and at Y house kitchen but no furniture and Z no living room but the hardwood rooms are fair game.
You don’t have to be unkind, you just have to set the rules and if they won’t follow them then…bye! Time to go home.
Set a clear boundary with the kids and parents.
“If you can’t follow the rules, you go home.”
That’s it. Sweet and simple. The second they break a rule, give a warning, then if they disregard say “Okay, time for you to go home. See you another time. Bye!” and promptly have them go home.
Next time they do send them home. They’ll pick it up pretty quickly that actions have consequences.
If you’re gonna allow for a next time to happen in order to try and rectify this – next time there’s an incident where they don’t listen, tell them “I need you to listen the first time I speak to you.” It’s up to you whether you want to keep the direct consequence super specific – “I told you to ask before going in the fridge, so no snack for you.” – or more all-encompassing – “You’re not doing as asked, so you’re leaving now.” Or a combination thereof depending on the severity of the offense, if you will. But next time you need to kick them out, walk them home, and matter of factly tell the parents, “Little Susie/Johnny is having trouble following our house rules, so until that changes, s/he cannot come back.” There’s probably a 50/50 chance parents will be mortified but grateful, or pissed off. But you gotta hold that boundary and not worry about what the neighbors think.
You could shut and lock doors and a child safety lock on fridge
When they come over before they can enter the house tell them we have rules if you break them you go home and are banned for a month.
If they go to break the rules they will find access cut off