This is a throw away, but I’m mostly needing to vent and looking for maybe some advice. I’m a 35f. I have not had many partners, but consider myself adventurous and skilled in the boudoir. I’m in good shape and never had any issues attracting men. I have a BF of 10 months now, and everything is wonderful, except I feel the least sexy I ever have in my life.
He spent two decades of his (37m) life simping for his boss’ daughter, who financially used him but never cut him off a piece, though she did sleep with most of his friends. She put an end to that last summer, when she got a serious bf. Aside from a high school gf he told me he fucked in a movie theater, he had 3 FWBs (all of whom I know personally) in the few months before we dated. He has told me about every woman who has ever shown interest in him, and he remains friends with them all, but assures me he is committed to me. It definitely makes me a bit insecure. Why keep FWBs unless you wanna take another spin?
All of my other relationships were very sexually exciting. Lots of quickies, sex almost daily, etc. I enjoyed the feeling of driving a man wild. I prided myself on giving oral that could make a man’s toes curl. I am no longer in contact with any of them, in any way, because I don’t think that fosters a healthy relationship. (Personal boundary.)
Here’s the deal, my bf and I have a very lame and difficult sex life. He doesn’t like BJs (will actually push me off of him and lose erection), only likes rough, fast sex that goes on for an hour or more, and maybe once a week. There are no quickies. He only initiates very seldom, usually when drunk, and will get too tired to reach climax often. I think this is from years of death grip, but I think after 10 months, that should have improved. If I initiate, I have to get myself wet and do most of the work. He works very hard and is physically tired.
I miss feeling like the sexy woman I know I am. I feel insecure and jealous about all the things he has said about the other women. I feel under-appreciated. I want an exciting sex life that isn’t a box that needs checked. Any advice on getting my fire back?
4 comments
Move on. Incompatibility is a deal breaker. Snd he isnt trying to change it.
It doesn’t sound like this dude is capable of lighting anyone’s fire.
So overall he sounds deeply underwhelming and I would posit that you can and should do better.
But I will note that FWBs can absolutely transition to just be friends too. It’s often really easy to be completely open with a fuck buddy about emotions and life and even if you’re not relationship compatible the honesty and lack of pretense can go a long way towards setting up a meaningful friendship. Would one consider or actually go back to fucking them if the relationship falls through? Absolutely, but lots of people aren’t cheaters and while I recognize the concern, on that particular point they could literally just be friends at this point. At least, that’s my experience.
You know the answer … So… Quit pissing in the wind, unfurl your sails & let the winds of life take you where they may. Remember, you captain your own boat & once you let someone else take the helm you will forever be just 2nd mate!