I’m an 18F. Over summer I snuck a guy into my house twice, he was 27 with a kid, and we had sex. At the time I enjoyed it because I crave validation but looking back I am kind of disgusted… Is it normal for a 27 yr old to be hooking up with someone who is 18? I know it’s not illegal and I’m not accusing him of doing anything wrong but I feel uncomfortable about it now. Should I feel as weird about it as I do?
Edit: I should add he was very careful with consent and made sure I was okay, more so than any of the boys my age i’ve slept with. Cant say I didn’t enjoy the experience but looking back it feels wrong. Just not sure if I am overreacting.
15 comments
Some people can’t handle hook-up culture.
Perhaps be better selective with whom you’re hooking up with. You probably feel weird because of the lack of connection.
I was married to a guy 8.5 years older than me. Looking back I have mixed feelings. Part of me knows it’s because I was young and naive and women his age wouldn’t put up with his bullshit and another part of me believes it’s because he was emotionally not that much older than I was. For a fling I don’t see a problem with it.
Normal? No, only with predatory AH’s.
No, it’s not normal. A 27 year old should not be having sex with an 18 year old. It doesn’t matter if you were into it, it doesn’t matter if it was consensual. Your brain isn’t even finished developing and he is a grown man with a child. Your feelings are valid. Men that age who pursue teenagers are not okay.
ETA: YOU should not feel weird about it. He took advantage of you, and that sucks, and it is not your fault.
It’s not weird to me. I dated a guy who was 26 when I was 18. Both our parents knew and were fine with it.
Not to rain on your pity parade, but if you consented that is on you. If you feel used, don’t do it again. There are predatory men and predatory women. And a 9 year difference is small compared to some. Think Anna Nicole Smith. Who was in the wrong on that one?
I think it’s not necessarily the ages that are weird (though it is still odd) but that a 27 year old was fine with being snuck into the home of an 18 year old still living with her parents. If I was dating/having sex with someone, I’d feel really weird about having to sneak around like that.
I was 19M dated a 31F. One part that sucked, she was running out of time and wanted to get married right away, and start having kids.
not weird at all
I was 35m dating a 19f. She pursued me (like, a lot, it’s a long story) and eventually won me over. I am not perfect, but I did everything I could to be kind, loving, and supportive, up to and including ending the relationship when it became clear it wasn’t healthy for us. It was emotionally one of the hardest things I’ve been through. So I can understand the strange feelings. Like some have said, the part about sneaking him in is distressing, but I suppose understandable given both of your circumstances. It isn’t *wrong* inherently, but it may be wrong *for you*, and that’s something only time and introspection can tell you.
I’m sure I’ll get blasted for this, but I find it really odd that folks on this subreddit normalize all kinds of kinky stuff, but as soon as age differences come up, the pitchforks come out.
As with ALL relationships, if everyone involved has reached the age of majority, is consenting, and has their needs met, who gives a fuck what the age differences are?
Not all older partners date younger partners in order to control them. Older folks tend to have more baggage and are more set in their ways. They have more responsibilities, which often makes them less spontaneous. And whether we like it or not, we tend to reach the peak of our physical attractiveness when we are younger. All of these are valid reason why an “older” person might seek the company of a “younger” person, and it has nothing to do with manipulation or control.
It’s okay to feel weird about some sexual partners that’s part of growing up and figuring out what you like and don’t. 9 years isn’t a lot.
How weird should you feel? You should feel as weird as you feel.
Is it normal for a 27 yr old to hook up with an 18 yr old? Not really
Is it wrong? Not unless you feel like it’s wrong
Why are you asking others how you should feel about something you did?
It appears to me you felt “disgusted” because that seems to be a popular reaction from others, not because there was something inherently bad about what happened.
Once you’re an adult you’re free to make your own decisions and date/ hookup/ have a relationship with anyone you want.
Men generally prefer younger women. If you feel uncomfortable about dating someone older, then you don’t have to do it.