So the thing has been bugging me. We started dating two months ago (known each other for years but started hanging out around 6 months ago). We connected mostly over our love for sports and outdoors (running, hiking, etc…). He’s a very fit guy, trains regularly and takes care of his psysique.
For context, I am 168 cm (5’6) and weigh around 62 kgs (136 lbs), though I lost around 4 kgs in last 3 months (from having time to train during the summer). I tend to be around 65 kgs most of the time.
So now that we’re together, he’s called me this a couple of times (in my language it makes sense, it wasn’t meant to be offensive, more of a joke). And now I’m thinking about it all the time. I feel like he would always want me to lose some weight, I know he doesn’t mind that much that I’m not skinny but honestly I believe he would always think that I would look better if I lost some more weight. And I can’t be with someone who i feel always thinks like that. Like even if he says he loves my body this way, I wouldn’t fully believe him, because I feel it isn’t true. It would be constantly on my mind, and I am already conscious of my body as it is. I felt really confident since I lost a couple of kilos, but he kinda made me self conscious again.
So, what do you think, have you been in a similar situation? Is it possible that your partner becomes truly okay with your body? Or is it possible to throw these comments truly _only jokingly_ and not to be serious about them?
I will talk to him about this of course, but I’d like to hear the opinion of others.
4 comments
If a dude is super comfortable with you, he will make jabs at you. It’s never ever meant to offend you, just give you a hard time.
Guys are usually very careful with what they say to girls most of the time, especially early on cause we know some of y’all will either take it the wrong way or over analyze it like I think you are doing here.
If you’ve seen how guys talk to each other, you’d understand. Trust me, I truly don’t believe he’s trying to imply anything, just simply giving you a hard time like he would any of the boys.
I can’t exactly say that I’ve been in a similar situation but I’m actually a real fatty and the guys I’ve dated never commented on it and instead they tried fattening me up more LMAO which wasn’t healthy or good but I really did believe they were happy with me being a big girl especially since they made sure to feel I never felt unattractive for not being skinny. It’s like I never questioned them being turned off by my weight. So yes, I do believe it’s possible for partners to be truly okay with your body.
The fatty comments/jokes aren’t jokes anymore if they make another person feel uncomfortable. Like you said- I honestly can’t be with someone who says they’re satisfied with me yet they make side rude comments or jokes on what they really want or don’t want about me.
Life’s already such a mess, I wouldn’t want to waste my emotional well-being on someone who makes me feel insecure. But best to speak with him first. Let him know how you feel and vice versa.
IMO He’s just giving you a hard time, like people often sass each other. But you should probably show him this post if it truly bothers you.
Plus, idk, sometimes I call my friend’s cats chonky even when they aren’t, really, and I still love them lol
He’s probably being playful. Even if he doesn’t have malicious intent you can just ask him not to joke about that or call you that. Reassure him that youre not mad and you know he’s joking but it stings a bit too much.
He should be able to take that info, respond nicely, and change his behavior. How he responds about little things can be a good indicator on how he’d respond about bigger things you two could have conflict with in the future and his willingness to listen and adapt.