Girlfriend (25F) and I (26M) live together (2 years in relationship, 1 living together). Since moving I’ve been thriving and the best version of myself ever. But my girlfriend has been gained a considerable amount of weight and spends all her free time in bed. She has depression and is self concious. And will constsmtly talk about starting a diet then quitting essentially immedietly and binge eating. Sex has stopped because of being self concious. I feel like its taboo to talk about the weight so I just try encourage her when shes doing the right things.
Unfortunately it’s now at a point where I just feel like like I’m getting depressed. I never thought about cheating before but being in a sex-less relationship is making me question my own morales.
Note: i dont care if shes skinny, i just want the potential future mother of my children to be healthy and not be at risk for an early death. And I want her to be truly happy with herself.
TL;DR! gf (25) has big sad/got big and its ruinning relationship and my happiness.
7 comments
She needs to treat the root cause which is her depression and anxiety- she needs to talk to a therapist.
She’s in therapy but apparently it doesn’t seem to be working. Has she considered another therapist? Why does she forget to take her meds? Do they not work? It’s honestly not difficult to continually take medication…there’s really no excuse to be forgetting. Also, there is a drug that is used to treat binge eating disorder (and ADHD, interestingly). It’s called Vyvanse and it’s actually pretty amazing. I would suggest she talk to her dr about it but it sounds like she isn’t even able to keep up with her current medication schedule.
I get that clinical depression is very debilitating. But if she’s not willing to take medication to make her better, then that’s a problem. Prob not a popular opinion, but she’s dragging you down with her. That’s something you need to decide if you can spend the rest of your life dealing with. For your own mental health, you might need to set an ultimatum…start taking your meds and addressing this issue or you’re out.
Therapy has definitely been a hit or miss thing. Apparently used to have a good one and now has been going to a different one every so often but theres been a lot tyhat havent clicked.
As for meds, I honestly don’t know how she’d forget them when they have an obvious impact. Like i take migraine meds and I know Im never skipping them enough to suffer the consequences.
Hard to get her motivation going without hurting her feelings let alone really getting to the deeper topoc and making it sound like Im offering an ultimatum
Have you tried making sure. . . at the very least, she takes a dose of her meds while you’re both having dinner? If she doesn’t even want to swallow a pill while sat at the dinner table then perhaps she has no interest in making something of herself. Possibly taking advantage of you? Keep an eye on that. I understand that depression makes it impossible to get motivated but that doesn’t matter. Discipline is more important. She needs to know that she has to take steps wether she wants to or not. It’s her frame of mind that needs to be looked at as nothing will change until she feels that need for it.
It seems like it’s over. It’s okay to leave. She’ll find her own path.
She needs therapy and you need to break things off for awhile! Neither of you are happy! Cheating on her is not going to help this situation. Break up and go be happy!!
I’m in a marriage where the person I’m with isn’t doing their part in healing so they can conquer their addictions. If your girlfriend is depressed and going to therapy, and not taking her meds properly, she’s actively choosing to be defined by her problems rather than doing her part to heal and be defined beyond them. I’m going to be honest. I carry my relationship and it’s difficult. There are times where it’s not as much work but the lows are really difficult and end up causing a lot of resentment. If I could leave I would. I love him but I hate managing his wants and needs. I stay because it will not work for us financially if I leave now. Once the kids are done high school our debt will be taken care of and we’ll have financial freedom to move on. You can’t help someone that doesn’t want the help. It’s not fair to you to stay when she isn’t interested in growing and healing and wanting more for herself.