A bit of a mess. I (32) was in a relationship with my ex (37) for 3 years. We had tried unsuccessfully starting a family and lived together, but ultimately the relationship ended a year ago due to my partners alcoholism and issues he needed to work through. Things didn’t end on a bad note, honestly. And the breakup was proposed by him.
Saying that, at the time we agreed because I needed to find a place to stay and move back home (1.5 hours away) that I’d take what I needed and leave the larger furniture and other things. We also agreed that if either of us got to the point we were dating again, just to be honest and communicate so we could completely get everything from each other.
Over the last year I’ve picked up stuff here and there, but there is still large items and other things I need to get. Communication was what I expected for months, but over the last 3 months it’s been hit or miss. From April-June I asked about picking things up and catching up 5x and got no reply about it. Sometimes he wouldn’t address it, but would subsequently text me a few days later about something else. So I just stopped asking to get my stuff and give him his key back. Not that I don’t want my belongings……
Then in July he said he was going to drive to see me, so we could catch up. He ultimately didn’t come because of family issues going on. Here we are a month later, and his reply’s are still hit or miss.
I’m not really sure what to do at this point and it’s becoming frustrating, and I kind of feel stuck.
3 comments
Do you have a mutual friend who can intercede?
Ideally you need to get all the stuff in one go, put it in storage if needs be.
Okay, so I am not entirely sure of legalities where you live but I don’t think that you would be allowed to just turn up at his house and let yourself in and take your things. It might be fine with him but if it isn’t then I imagine he could try to spin it as breaking and entering or theft. Even if he isn’t claiming theft to be malicious, it could be that those items have been there for so long that there may be some he has forgotten who they belong to because that can be tricky to always keep track of.
I think your best option is to message again stating which day and time you will be coming to collect your things and go with a police escort. I know that seems dramatic, however, the local police or legal professionals often do help people collect their things from an ex-partners home (even if there was not violence) because they are aware of things being spun differently in the future (which wastes their time) and also because they are aware some people *would* use this opportunity to do something bad within the home.
If you would prefer not to do it that way then I would suggest asking a mutual friend to accompany you and for that friend to also reiterate the time and date to your ex (as you would have already) that you will both be turning up to retrieve your items. If someone else is involved it might give your ex a kick up the arse in regards to ignoring you or messing you around about collecting your things.
At this point, though, I would collect everything and find somewhere else to put it because I will say that even though you had an agreement, I don’t think it is fair to still be back and forth and still storing stuff over a year later. I would also then return his key.
I’d stop asking and just inform him that you’ll be there with a uhaul and people on x day.
Then go, and using the key he gave you, get your stuff once and for all.
If he’s not h there, video everything just in case to show that you didn’t do damage to his things.