First thing first. We were in long distance. Totally from different cultures. We had a lot of common points. And it was instant that we fell in love so fast. We just survived a 7 months after getting into relationship. We were friends for 3-4 months before i proposed.
Things were going well. But one thing i was very concerned is, she was very invasive. She needs to know every detail of my day. Tells many suggestions on how to improve myself kinda..
She doesn’t liked the fact that I’m spending time with my bff a lot. So i reduced my time ii spend with my bff.
She started to put the same margin to my family. She started asking questions like why you are the one who do dishes everyday. Why can’t your sister do some. It was a silly thing so i ignored.
In the meanwhile i met her after travelling like 1300 kms. It was no joke. It took me a day to travel in train one way. Travelled to her place for a day stayed there for 2 days and then came back to my home in a day. .
Those 2 days!! Was very fun! Very good. Worth it
And then she started to get more invasive and sometime little rude. .
One day when we are talking about families. She said even in future if we get hitched I’ll spend 60% of my salary on my family and her kid brother. I said cool. Do it. If you want to spend for them. Carry on. I have no issues. It’s your salary after all.
After a week or so. We had a little quarrel.
She asked me can we meet again sooner. I said I’ll come and meet you in your bday. Which is like 6 months after we met. She was like you have to come. I said i can’t. I have to save money to come there. She asked what about your salary. I said I’m saving half of my salary for my sister’s marriage. (I wanted to spend some for my sister when she gets married). She was like why you are spending for your sister. This is ridiculous.
I got little irritated. But said i can’t spend now on tickets. I’ll definitely come and meet you in your bday.
After sometime. Things calmed down…..
And we were going good. She said she will come to my place and we can go on a trip. And we booked everything from our tickets and our rooms etc. .
I was looking forward to the trip..
And after somedays we randomly discussed about home. She is very particular about buying home. I don’t mind staying in rent. Because i have a view that buying home is very costly with home loans. I said to her the logic that, without a own home we have surplus cash to invest and we can move freely when opportunities arise. She is totally opposing to my view. Well people have different views. I didn’t mind.
She asked me what about your parents. Why they didn’t buy a home till now. They are useless. And they depend on your money. They should have some self respect. Blah blah blah. .
I had enough that day. Family is one thing i treasure the most. I got triggered and broke up with her.
And i shattered myself with my decision i guess..
Since that day. (Happened 40 days ago). I was very sad. And having feelings like what if i never find another gf. I don’t even look good. Will I ever get one. I am bad at decision making. I don’t have any commitment. I shouldn’t be trying for gfs.
All this self doubts are taking its toll on me. My work and accuracy in the workplace is reduced drastically. Now I’m finding reasons not to work. And today i had a stressful event of dealing with the pending workload.
Today i decided to focus more on myself and my career and my physicial and mental well being.
I opened a fake account and contacted her like a third person in the meantime. But deleted that today because i felt very ashamed and guilty for doing that act. I felt like peeping into someone’s life which is not me. So i deleted stuffs and when I woke up tomorrow. I’ll focus on my life and myself.
Now I’m going to sleep. ..
I have a question and gonna ask some suggestions..
Did i did the right thing by breaking up with her?
Am i worth enough to try love another time?
And please give me some tips to be normal again. And come out of this shitty phase.
TLDR, M25, broke up with gf (27). Having self doubts and want to know did i do the right thing.
1 comment
It’s only been a month and a half, it’s okay to still be sad. You may need to try harder to shut it down at work. I don’t know if your job has counseling but maybe venting this out loud to a stranger could help you process your sadness.
I think you made a smart decision. You both had different goals and wanted different futures. Instead of dragging it out and being miserable, you have taken the brave step to end the relationship. Now you’re free to heal your heartbreak and find someone more compatible. Sometimes we have to break up with really good people because they aren’t really good for our unique needs. Those almost hurt more because there are so many what-ifs and there’s no anger to help you move on more easily. Just sadness and regret.