So a girl I dated for a while friendzoned me after our 3rd date. I’ve known her for 2-3 months.
I’ve been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder (SAD) and Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD) a few months back, and have been taking anti-anxiety medication since then. It’s been really helpful.
Since then, I’ve been focused on self-improvement through working out, meeting friends frequently, and taking care of myself more.
I feel like I’ve been making good progress, but my dating game is terrible. When I dated her, I treated her no differently than a friend, didn’t initiate any physical contact or even flirt. I just feel uncomfortable trying to flirt and I don’t know why.
How do I work on my game so I don’t get friendzoned the next time?
6 comments
You said it, you treated her as a friend meaning there was no “romantic” factor.
As per flirting it’s takes time to learn the skill and its a little harder for guys to learn and practice; it also takes self confidence.
But hey, once friend zoned its game over and you gotta take your business elsewhere.
On the dating scene that’s how you learn; by failing and getting up again and learning from your mistakes.
Good luck next time.
If you’re finding yourself feeling uncomfortable when you’re trying to force intimacy, don’t force it. Friend zone her first and get back to looking.
After filling your friend quota your brain will eventually start directing to girls you want to get sexual with rather than friendship.
tl;dr it’s a numbers game.
>I just feel uncomfortable trying to flirt and I don’t know why
It’s probably a lack of confidence. Try working on seeing yourself as a catch and on seeing it as a fun activity rather than a stressful one. Flirting is always going to be stressful, but at the end of the day you’re just talking to someone you like, which should be fun .
It’ll take time to develop the skill, so don’t stress about getting it perfect right away.
You could try relating to women in a sincere way in order to actually find someone who genuinely cares about you as human being instead of this cynical “game” bullshit. But being real is too scary for boys so play your little games, maybe try negging more, yeah.
Some good tips in here already.
For my dates and the type of relationship I was looking for (more serious and not hook ups) in general I did this:
be interested, ask questions listen and talk AND when the opportunity arises flirt or make a cheeky comment. Then the other person knows your interested (they should pick this up) and probably will in some way to let you know if they are interested in you too. Can be a compliment back, a smile, etc. And then you still have to follow trough and keep going until you reached your goal.
Don’t overload the compliments/comments btw and try to fit in the compliments and flirts in a natural way. If you have the feeling there is no opportunity you can fit an “you really have a beautiful smile” or “you have beautiful eyes btw” in-between. Kind of cheesy but ok, you want to give the signal you are interested.
Even then it is not the same for everyone; one date immediately let me know after the first “cheeky comment” she was not like that. I ended up having a more normal conversation where with other dates this kind of conversation would end up in friend zone. So there is no secret formula that works for everyone.
When I read your post I have faith that you will get there as you already are working on yourself and improving! Keep going, try things out and have fun!
That might be another tip btw, to have fun. Don’t see dating as an exam but as something where you want to find out if someone is a good match for you. Put your best foot forward of course, but don’t look at it as something where you can fail and have fun!
You need to flirt and give her compliments about how pretty she is. I’m
About to friendzone a guy after 2 dates over This. Even when I pointedly asked him if I looked ok (I looked great by the way, fully dolled up) he just said “yeah”. So I guess he’s not attracted to me or he would’ve said something by now. Anything really