My friends were over and he was eavesdropping on our conversation, and we were talking about sexual stuff ig. He kicked all my friends out and then removed my bedrooms door. I didn’t do anything wrong. He says I have to earn it back but he won’t tell me how.

37 comments

  3. Well, your dad’s a reactive ass. But you knew that already.

    Pretend like not having a door means nothing to you. Don’t mention it. At all.

  4. Some people just should not be parents.

    OP – your father is up there with the worst of them for doing childish shit like this. It’s borderline abusive behaviour and is just an insane thing to do to a child. And this is coming from a father of three.

  6. Your dad is acting rashly, without forethought and without maturity. You’re going to have to be the bigger person. Act like you’re not very bothered by the door. Talk to your dad and ask him what he wants you to do to prove that you deserve a door.

    It can all be bullshit. He is entirely in the wrong. If you want to come out of this with the win you have to pretend you’re not fighting.

  7. Your Dads insane. How old are you? Whats mom think of this? Maybe for the time being tac a blanket over the doorway.

  9. There was a TV show some years ago, Worlds Toughest Parents, or something like that, where a kid had his door taken away for smoking and other stuff he wasn’t allowed to do. According to the Dad it was to remain off until he “earned it back” by rebuilding trust. It sounds like you dad watched that show without realizing it was a fake “reality tv” show.

    It sounds like he’s reacting emotionally to you growing up, but honestly it’s a pretty crappy move. Teenagers need privacy and safe spaces, and him taking it away from you will make things worse, not better.

    Can you get help from your mom, or from your grandparents?

  10. Honestly, I’d be petty and make him regret it. Do embarrassing shit without the door. Doesn’t matter what it is, just make him feel uncomfortable or agitated.

  12. Let your dad know you appreciate him alerting you that he is not a safe person to confide in and you understand you have no right to privacy. So from here on out you will never bring any friends over and spend as much time as possible out of the house and you won’t be sharing any personal information about your life with him.

    Also do gross things in your room he wouldn’t want to see

  13. My friend’s dad would take his shoes when he went out of town for work so he couldn’t go anywhere while he was away lol

  14. Do you have a mom/ aunt/ grandma to advocate for you? Your dad sounds unhinged (just like your door). If would ask him if he is really comfortable with you having to get dressed and put in tampons in full view of the entire family (and if he’s always been a pervert like that. No, don’t ask him that last one.)

  15. Sometimes you just gotta wait out the crazy. My family was crazy like that too. Move out when you can.

  16. my dad punch a hole in my door because i did not open it fast enough when i was a kid.i then “lost the privilege” to have privacy. been NC for 3 years. there was other things that push the NC but thats what started my resentment of him.

  17. Im so so sorry, Im 15F and my stepdad threatns to take my door away all the time but he hasn’t actually ever done it, Im sorry you’re going through that 🙁

  19. That’s a ridiculous overreaction. I would make him uncomfortable by playing music loudly (much more annoying without a door), practice your singing (really good if you can’t at all), talk on the phone loudly, openly change and cause as much embarrassment as possible until he puts your door back. It’s a shame he’s now told you he doesn’t respect your privacy and you can’t talk to him about anything. I hope your mom is on your side.

    My dad was strict too, he once found my thong underwear in high school (the dog had pulled it out of the laundry) and it upset him so much, he forbade me from wearing it. So I said fine, then I won’t wear any. We wore short skirts then too. He was so embarrassed he never mentioned it again and didn’t try to control my undergarments. 🤣

  20. You have a right to privacy, especially as a 15 year old. I would tell a school counselor if it doesn’t get remedied quickly.

  21. Go look him dead in the eye and say “I will remember this violation of my privacy and your disrespect for my bodily autonomy for the rest of my life. I will grow up and become an adult eventually, and I will look back at this time with sadness because of your attempts to control my conversations. I did nothing wrong by having a conversation about a sensitive topic with my trusted friends.” Feel free to add “I am not having sex yet, but you can guarantee I will be hiding it from you when I start. I no longer trust you.” This is a dark stain on his parenting and he should be ashamed.

    Your dad is reacting very inappropriately to a natural thing, and an innocent conversation between you and your friends in the privacy of your bedroom. I had a friend in high school who’s parents removed her door after they discovered she had had sex. I was appalled and she lost every ounce of respect for her parents, as did I. They were nice people but anyone that would do that to their high school-aged child shouldn’t be a parent because they clearly don’t know what they’re doing. It’s a disgusting, abusive, emotionally immature reaction to such a topic. Yes you are 15 and probably shouldn’t have sex yet, but for him to punish you for just talking about it IN PRIVATE is disgusting. He is sending the message that he doesn’t respect you and he wants to control not only your body, but your conversations.

    I’m sorry you are being treated this way. Learn how to masturbate in the shower I guess, because apparently you’re not to have privacy in your own home. Don’t let your dad forget about this shameful violation in the future, because this is behavior he should live to regret. Anyone that knew he did this to you would lose respect for him.

  22. Imma be the asshole here and say double down. Make him wish you’re door was back on there. Loud music. Get naked etc. it’s you’re room, if you ain’t got no privacy than go all out. Anytime someone tries to restrict my movement I double down and it’s very rarely not worked out for me. Most people don’t expect a challenge of authority in that way.

  23. I think he shouldn’t have been listening on your conversation and can’t handle you getting older. Maybe sit your mom
    Down talk to her truthfully and ask her to talk to your dad.

  24. Your dad is fear mongering. He thinks he can train sexual curiosity out of you by making you scared of losing your privacy. Don’t act bothered by the lack of a door. Do everything you normally would do. Maybe start pooping in the bathroom with the door open. When he says something tell him you’re not suppose to have privacy. Stay away from home as much as you can and talk to him as little as possible.

  25. My brother (2 yrs older) was trying to fight me for no good reason when I was around 5th grade, this happened often, and I tried to escape and ran into my moms car and locked the doors for safety. My brother kicked my moms car door and damaged it.
    My dad took our bedroom doors off and took everything out of our rooms. He then got lazy about moving everything back and putting the door back up. Ironic because he was always trying to fight me and I seeking safety. We ended up with out doors for over a year.

    Make sure you understand and set expectations around when you can get your door back. It takes away your privacy and space to call your own. Get your mother or grandma involved if he won’t discuss it.

  26. Ask him who you should talk to regarding sex.

    If he says not to speak about it at all, tell him that is unreasonable. It is a natural curiosity and you need someone telling you the truth.

  27. Pretend you still have a door. Change in there. Hang out in your bra. Spray lots of strong perfume all the time. Basically make him so uncomfortable he gives you your door back.

    -daughter of a strict dad who caved on certain things that make him uncomfortable. Plus these exact tactics worked for my friends (in addition, she once screamed “harder” when he spanked her and he never did it again lol)

  28. You can contact Social Services if you live in the US. FYI, removing the door and reasonable expectation of privacy is considered abuse.

  29. So. Can you go to your dad calmly, and ask to talk about it? Can you ask (with a sincere tone to your voice) when you figure out how I can earn the door back, will you share that information with me?

    I’m not saying to consent to his opinion. But ignore his assumptions. Work on being humble in your tone. See if you can let go of the emotion (which is super hard) but practice helps.

    If you can figure out the tone of your voice, it might change your relationship with your dad for the better.

  30. Just hang in there. My folks were abusive when I was growing up and this same thing happened to me. You’ll get your get back when you’re an adult with nothing to do with them.

  31. I mean this is a one sided story.. why is everyone blowing up on the parent when they don’t even know the whole story??

  32. I’d walk around my room in a bra and underwear, no shorts or shirt. If he says anything, I’d tell him that you did it BEFORE he took your door and you aren’t going to stop simply because he took your door. See if he doesn’t give it back real quick.

    Why do parents think this is an acceptable punishment? I couldn’t imagine doing this to my daughter, especially at 15 years old.

  34. You are being abused. He is abusive. A tactic is to confuse the victim by constantly changing the “rules” or not telling them what the rules are. He is disrespecting your boundaries and now your privacy because he likely thinks he owns your body and you taking about sex stuff is what he sees as hurting his possession (your body). He is living in a distorted reality and what you did wrong was be born in a world where men who write songs about murdering women win grammys.

    Can you hang a curtain or sheet in front of the door?

    I wish you the best of luck. Please know that victims do overcome

  35. When I was 17, back in 1999, my mom took my door because I was on the phone after 11 PM.

    I never got it back and finally moved out 3 days after I turned 18.

  36. All these people saying “be naked and gross him out!” Are fucking creeps, your dad is a creep. He was eavesdropping on teen girls talking about sexual things? And From context what seems from behind a closed door? Sorry your dad is wayyy too controlling and nosey for an adult man. Icky and creepy. He has no respect for your privacy and is trying to control your normal sexual curiosity. Stay away from home, be wary of his eavesdropping and spying. Make sure he isnt tracking your location or anything too. If you feel safe, speak with your mother about your father’s creepy behavior and let her know you dont trust him. Best of luck.

  37. I’d say give your dad a few days to cool down, and then talk to him. Ask him is there any thing specific you can do to win his trust again. And you can ask him why did you do to lose his trust in the first place? If he says it was about what your friends said, remind him that you are not your friends and while it was a group conversation, you haven’t done anything wrong and he is treating you like you have.
    But let him cool down first and until the act like it doesn’t bother you. Do what you normally do, except stuff that makes you uncomfortable without the door.

    I know it sounds stupid but he is over reacting because he loves you and he is worried about you. There are so many things that can go wrong when young people start having sex; teen pregnancy, STDs , inappropriate pics, etc.

    Handle this maturly and show him that you are mature and trust worthy. You have to handle this maturly because you can’t whine him or annoy him into understanding that he is wrong and over reacting.

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